76 Animal Jokes: The 2010 Tablet & Retro-Filter Protocol

Welcome to 2010. The year Steve Jobs gave us a “giant iPhone” called the iPad, Kevin Systrom launched Instagram so we could make our lunch look like it was photographed in 1974, and Christopher Nolan’s Inception had us all checking if our dog’s tail-wag was actually a spinning top in a dream.

The 2010 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. What happened when the border collie encountered his owner’s new first-generation iPad in April 2010? He spent forty-five minutes frantically trying to “herd” the floating app icons with his nose, but when he realized that “Angry Birds” involved actual avian projectiles, he staged a tactical retreat behind the sofa, convinced that the humans had finally invented a digital portal that allowed birds to fight back using high-velocity physics.
2. Why did the house cat become an overnight sensation on Instagram upon its launch in October 2010? She realized that if she just sat perfectly still in a cardboard box and let her owner apply the “Earlybird” or “Sepia” filter, she could look like a majestic, ancient Egyptian deity rather than a lazy furball who just spent three hours trying to catch her own reflection in the dishwasher door.
3. How did the farm dog react to the “Inception” craze that summer? He spent the rest of the year in a state of existential crisis, constantly waking up from naps and checking to see if his favorite bone was still buried in the yard—eventually deciding that if he could still smell the mailman’s fear, he was definitely in the “real world” and not a fourth-level dream-layer.
4. Why was the owl so judgmental about the “Foursquare” check-in trend in 2010? He argued that “checking in” at a Starbucks just to become the “Mayor” was the peak of human vanity, claiming that in the owl world, you don’t need an app to prove you own a territory—you just stare at anyone who enters until they leave or you decide they’re a snack.
5. What did the squirrel think about the launch of the “iPhone 4” and the “Antennagate” scandal? He watched his owner struggle to get a signal and laughed from the oak tree, noting that his own “biological antenna” (his tail) has 100% bars even in a thunderstorm, and he doesn’t need a “bumper case” just to hold his nuts without losing a connection.
6. How did the house cat react to the debut of “Talking Tom” on the App Store in 2010? She stared at the screen with absolute disdain, watching a digital cat mimic her owner’s voice, and eventually concluded that if humans wanted a cat that talked back, they should have just listened to her 4:00 AM “Food Now” monologue, which was far more eloquent than a cartoon kitten.
7. Why did the dog bark at the TV during the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa? It wasn’t the soccer—it was the sound of 30,000 vuvuzelas, which he was convinced was a swarm of giant, plastic bees that had come to take over the planet, leading him to spend the entire tournament guarding the living room with a tennis ball and a dream of silence.
8. What did the hamster say when his owner tried to show him a “Kindle Fire” in 2010? “It’s very sleek, but until you find a way to make the ‘E-ink’ taste like premium Timothy hay or turn the touchscreen into a silent, frictionless running wheel, I’m going to continue to view your technological progress as a massive waste of potential.”
9. Why was the cow so confused by the rise of “Groupon” in 2010? She saw her owner getting 50% off a yoga class and a teeth-whitening session and tried to organize a “Herd-on” for the local clover field, only to be disappointed when the only “deal” she got was a free ear-tagging and a judgmental look from the farmer.
10. How did the dog react to the launch of “Kinect” for Xbox 360? He was thrilled that the humans were finally standing up and waving their arms around in the living room like they were trying to catch invisible flies, eventually joining in and “accidentally” knocking over a floor lamp in his attempt to show them how a real athlete handles a virtual obstacle course.

The Full 2010 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the cat join Instagram? To show off her “Meow-filters.”
12. What’s a dog’s favorite 2010 movie? Toy Story 3 (he cried when the dog got old).
13. Why did the parrot love the iPad? He had a 10-inch “perch” with built-in games.
14. What do you call a sheep on Instagram? “A Wool-y Influencer.”
15. Why did the squirrel like 2010? Because “Pinterest” gave him a way to pin his nut-locations (virtually).
16. What’s an ant’s favorite 2010 movie? The Social Network (he knows all about networking).
17. Why did the cat hate the “vuvuzela”? It ruined her 16th nap of the day.
18. What do you call a fish in Inception? “A Dream-gill.”
19. Why did the dog bark at the iPad? He thought it was a very flat, very quiet human.
20. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2010 song? “California Gurls” (Katy Perry… but she’s a pasture girl).
21. Why did the pig use Foursquare? To become the “Mayor” of the mud-pit.
22. What do you call a cloned sheep with an Instagram? “Dolly-matic.”
23. Why did the bird hate 2010? Too many “Angry Birds” clones giving him a bad reputation.
24. What’s a horse’s favorite 2010 hobby? Browsing “Instagram” for high-res hay photos.
25. Why did the cat love Black Swan? She also enjoys a dramatic transformation and being the center of attention.
26. What do you call a dragon in 2010? A “Retina-display” breather.
27. Why did the dog bark at the “Old Spice” guy? He was jealous of the “Look at your man, now back to me” energy.
28. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2010 band? “Mum-baaa-d & Sons.”
29. Why did the monkey like the iPad? He thought it was a digital window to the banana farm.
30. What do you call a cow that likes Inception? “Moo-riane Cotillard.”
31. Why did the squirrel hate “Instagram”? The filters made his acorns look like they were from the 70s.
32. What’s a cat’s favorite 2010 tech? The “iPad” (the world’s most expensive cat toy).
33. Why did the dog like Despicable Me? He wanted to know where he could get a “Shrink Ray” for the cat.
34. What do you call a group of ants on an iPad? “A Touch-screen Colony.”
35. Why did the parrot mimic the “Instagram” notification sound? To make his owner check their phone during dinner.
36. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2010 song? “Airplanes” (Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like baaa-baaa-baaa).
37. Why did the cat stare at the “Pinterest” board? She was looking for “DIY: How to build a fort out of Amazon boxes.”
38. What do you call a dog that’s a fan of Iron Man 2? “Tony Bark.”
39. Why did the pig like The Expendables? He heard there was a lot of “Ham” acting.
40. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2010 gadget? The “iPhone 4” (for the FaceTime calls).
41. Why did the dog bark at the “Kinect” sensor? He thought it was a robotic eye watching his every move.
42. What do you call a cat that uses “Foursquare”? “A Mayor-puss.”
43. Why did the bird join Instagram? To post “Bird’s-eye view” shots.
44. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2010 fashion? “Hipster” glasses (with no lenses).
45. Why did the dog like 2010? Because “Netflix” meant his owners never left the couch, and he got more lap-time.
46. What do you call a fish that uses an iPad? “A Stream-ing-gill.”
47. Why did the cat hate the “Windows Phone 7”? The tiles were too organized for her chaotic lifestyle.
48. What’s a squirrel’s favorite 2010 movie? True Grit (he also has a lot of grit when digging).
49. Why did the parrot get an Instagram? To show off his “no-filter” plumage.
50. What do you call a cow that likes Glee? “Moo-chel Berry.”
51. Why did the dog bark at the “Uber” app (launched 2010)? He didn’t like a stranger’s car arriving at the house.
52. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2010 tech? “FaceTime” (she wanted to see her “baaa-bies”).
53. Why did the cat like The Walking Dead (premiered 2010)? She also enjoys watching slow-moving things she can pounce on.
54. What do you call a donkey on Instagram? “A Filter-ass.”
55. Why did the bird like the “iPod Nano” (6th Gen)? It was small enough to be a wing-watch.
56. What’s a dog’s favorite 2010 phrase? “Double Rainbow!” (He saw it on YouTube and thought it was a double treat).
57. Why did the squirrel hate “Pinterest”? Too many “Mason Jar” ideas, not enough “Hollow Tree” ideas.
58. What do you call a cat in Inception? “A Meow-dicant.”
59. Why did the pig like 2010? Because “Angry Birds” was still the #1 game and he was the star.
60. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2010 drink? “Coconut Water.”
61. Why did the dog bark at the movie The Social Network? Too much talking, not enough fetching.
62. What do you call a group of owls on Instagram? “A Filter of Owls.”
63. Why did the cat like 2010? Because “Lion” (OS X 10.7) was being previewed.
64. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2010 song? “Waka Waka” (This Time for Hamst-rica).
65. Why did the dog hate the “Antennagate”? It meant his owner spent more time tilting the phone than playing with him.
66. What do you call a dragon that likes Instagram? “A Fire-poster.”
67. Why did the parrot join “Foursquare”? To “Check-in” at every pet store in the city.
68. Why was 2010 a great year for a dog? Because “Wii Sports Resort” meant more frisbee, even if it was virtual.
69. What do you call a horse that loves War Horse (play/book)? “Stable-cultured.”
70. Why did the dog bark at the “Magic Trackpad”? He couldn’t find the bone hidden under the glass.
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2010 tech? The “iPad.”
72. Why did the squirrel love “Pinterest”? For the “Nut-storage DIY” boards.
73. What do you call a cat that’s a fan of Drake? “Champagne-paws.”
74. Why did the bird hate 2010? Too many drones starting to fly in his airspace.
75. What’s a dog’s favorite 2010 toy? An iPad with “Game for Cats” installed (he stole it).
76. Why was 2010 the peak for animals? Because humans finally found a screen big enough for the dog to watch the squirrels on YouTube in life-size.