79 Animal Jokes: The Quarantined Tiger Protocol (2020)

Welcome to 2020. The year the world hit the “pause” button, everyone became an amateur virologist, and we all collectively lost our minds over a man named Joe Exotic and his big cats. The animal kingdom finally got to see what humans look like when they’re trapped in cages (houses) for months.

The 2010 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. What happened when the house dog realized that his owners were never leaving the house again in March 2020? He spent the first week in a state of pure, unadulterated euphoria, convinced that his frantic tail-wagging had finally successfully “guilt-tripped” the humans into a permanent stay-at-home policy. However, by week three, after being forced to attend 47 consecutive Zoom meetings and hearing the word “unprecedented” 600 times, the dog realized that having the humans home 24/7 meant he could no longer take his 11:00 AM “forbidden nap” on the dining room table without getting caught in 4K.
2. Why did the house cat become the primary “technical consultant” for his owner’s home office in 2020? She realized that the most effective way to end a boring spreadsheet session was to walk directly across the keyboard during a high-stakes video call, accidentally muting the boss and sending a message consisting entirely of the letter “Q” to the entire regional sales team. The cat eventually concluded that “remote work” was just a human excuse for sitting in her favorite chair, and she spent the rest of the year “managing” the mouse cursor from the safety of the monitor’s warm top edge.
3. How did the neighborhood tigers react to the global explosion of Tiger King on Netflix that spring? They held a socially-distanced meeting in their enclosure and issued a formal statement: “We would like to clarify that we have never met Carole Baskin, we do not care about Joe Exotic’s country music career, and we would appreciate it if humans would stop wearing leopard print masks and asking us if we’ve seen any ‘cool cats and kittens’—it’s degrading to our status as apex predators.”
4. Why was the owl so skeptical about the “Animal Crossing: New Horizons” craze in 2010? He watched his owner spend eighteen hours a day terraforming a digital island and catching “Blathers” (the museum owl) off guard, and he felt deeply insulted. “You’re spending your real money on ‘Nook Miles’ to build a virtual house while I’m out here living in a real tree for free,” the owl hooted, “and unlike that raccoon, I don’t charge you 2 million bells just to add a basement you’ll never use.”
5. What did the squirrel think about the “Global Lockdowns” in 2020? He walked into the middle of a major city intersection, sat down, and realized that for the first time in history, the “Steel Rolling Predators” (cars) had disappeared. He spent the afternoon mocking a stationary city bus, eventually deciding that the “Nature is Healing” meme was true—mostly because he could finally cross the road without doing a high-speed zig-zag dance of death.
6. How did the house dog react to the launch of the PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X in November 2020? He looked at the PS5—which looked like a giant, futuristic Wi-Fi router wearing a popped collar—and decided it was a very expensive, very quiet monster. He eventually realized that “Next-Gen Gaming” meant his owners would be even harder to distract from the screen, leading him to develop a new strategy: sitting directly in front of the TV until he was “rewarded” with a walk to clear the console’s air vents.
7. Why did the cat refuse to acknowledge the “TikTok Sea Shanty” trend in late 2020? She watched her owner harmonizing with strangers about “The Wellerman” and “bringing sugar and tea and rum” and found it highly suspicious. “If there’s rum and tea coming,” the cat noted while staring out the window, “I expect a premium portion of tuna as part of the cargo, otherwise this whole musical movement is just a loud distraction from my 4:00 PM nap.”
8. What did the hamster say when his owner bought a “Peloton” and started doing “Home Workouts” in the living room? “Oh, look at you—you bought a $2,000 stationary bike to feel like you’re going somewhere? I’ve been doing the same thing in a $5 plastic wheel since I was six weeks old. Welcome to the ‘stationary athlete’ club, Steve. Don’t forget to hydrate, and maybe you’ll eventually hit my RPMs.”
9. Why was the cow so confused by the “Bread Baking” (Sourdough) trend of 2020? She watched her owner spend four days “feeding” a jar of flour and water like it was a newborn calf, only to bake it into a loaf that was “too pretty to eat.” The cow eventually concluded that humans were so bored they had started treating moldy dough like a pet, which made her feel much more secure about her own position as a source of actual milk.
10. How did the dog react to “Social Distancing” during his walks? He couldn’t understand why his “Best Friend From Down The Street” (a Golden Retriever) was being pulled away by a human wearing a blue mask. He eventually decided that the humans had finally realized that dogs were too cool to be touched by “unwashed hands,” and he started walking with a new sense of regal authority, as if he were a VIP at a very exclusive outdoor club.

The Full 2020 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the cat join the Zoom call? To show everyone her “paws-itive” attitude (and her tail).
12. What’s a dog’s favorite 2020 movie? Sonic the Hedgehog (He liked the high-speed chase).
13. Why did the parrot love the PS5? He thought the “Haptic Feedback” was a tiny bird shivering.
14. What do you call a sheep in quarantine? “A Baaa-rred-in lamb.”
15. Why did the squirrel like 2020? Because “Among Us” became huge and he’s an expert at being “Sus” in the bushes.
16. What’s an ant’s favorite 2020 movie? Tenet (He’s still trying to figure out if he’s walking forward or backward).
17. Why did the cat hate the “Face Mask”? She couldn’t tell if the human was smiling or plotting to take her to the vet.
18. What do you call a fish in Tiger King? “A Carol-Bask-gill.”
19. Why did the dog bark at the “Hand Sanitizer” dispenser? He didn’t trust the “sneezing” sound it made.
20. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2020 song? “Savage” (Classy, bougie, ratchet… baaa!).
21. Why did the pig use “Animal Crossing”? To pay off his “Ham-mortgage.”
22. What do you call a cloned sheep with a PS5? “Dolly-Digital-Edition.”
23. Why did the bird hate 2020? Too many “UFO” (UAP) sightings making the sky feel crowded.
24. What’s a horse’s favorite 2020 hobby? Doing “Virtual Dressage” on a Zoom call.
25. Why did the cat love The Invisible Man? Because she already believes she’s being watched by ghosts.
26. What do you call a dragon in 2020? A “Self-isolating” breather.
27. Why did the dog bark at the “Curved Monitor”? He thought the cat was trapped in a bowl.
28. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2020 band? “The Baaa-nd Pery.”
29. Why did the monkey like the “iPhone 12”? He liked the flat edges (Reminded him of the 5S).
30. What do you call a cow that likes Tiger King? “Joe E-moo-tic.”
31. Why did the squirrel hate “Among Us”? Because everyone kept saying “Blue is Sus” and he’s more of a grey-brown.
32. What’s a cat’s favorite 2020 tech? The “Ring Light” (It makes her fur look “Influencer” quality).
33. Why did the dog like Soul (Disney+)? He understood the struggle of finding your “spark” (usually a tennis ball).
34. What do you call a group of ants in quarantine? “A Social-dist-ant colony.”
35. Why did the parrot mimic the “Zoom” leave-meeting sound? To make his owner think the work day was over.
36. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2020 song? “Blinding Lights” (The Weeknd… but she’s blinded by the shears).
37. Why did the cat stare at the “PS5” vents? She was waiting for the “Digital Mouse” to come out.
38. What do you call a dog that’s a fan of Wonder Woman 1984? “Diana Prince-spaniel.”
39. Why did the pig like Extraction? He heard there was a lot of “ham” in the action.
40. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2020 gadget? The “Oculus Quest 2” (Wireless freedom).
41. Why did the dog bark at the “Doordash” driver? He didn’t like a stranger delivering his “human’s” food without a tax.
42. What do you call a cat that’s an “Among Us” Impostor? “A Meow-postor.”
43. Why did the bird join “TikTok” (2020 Explosion)? To show off his “Savage” dance.
44. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2020 fashion? “Sweatpants” (She’s been wearing them for centuries).
45. Why did the dog like 2020? Because “Curbside Pickup” meant more car rides.
46. What do you call a fish that uses a PS5? “A Ray-tracing-gill.”
47. Why did the cat hate the “Surface Duo”? Two screens meant twice as many things to sit on.
48. What’s a squirrel’s favorite 2020 movie? The Trials of the Chicago 7 (He likes trials).
49. Why did the parrot get a Peloton? To “Flight-cycle.”
50. What do you call a cow that likes The Queen’s Gambit? “Moo-beth Harmon.”
51. Why did the dog bark at the “AirPods Max” (launched 2020)? He thought they were giant earmuffs for a giant dog.
52. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2020 tech? “Starlink” (She liked the “Space-sheep”).
53. Why did the cat like Parasite (winning the Oscar in 2020)? She also knows how to infiltrate a basement.
54. What do you call a donkey on Zoom? “A Virtual Ass.”
55. Why did the bird like the “iPhone 12 Mini”? It was the perfect size for a wing-phone.
56. What’s a dog’s favorite 2020 phrase? “You’re muted!” (He wished he could say it to the vacuum).
57. Why did the squirrel hate “Social Distancing”? He’s been trying to get close to a birdfeeder for years.
58. What do you call a cat in Tiger King? “The Only Normal One.”
59. Why did the pig like 2020? Because “Bacon” was a top search for “Comfort Food.”
60. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2020 drink? “Whipped Coffee” (Dalgona).
61. Why did the dog bark at the movie Mulan (2020)? He didn’t like the “Phoenix” (too much like a bird).
62. What do you call a group of owls on a Peloton? “A Parliament of Spinners.”
63. Why did the cat like 2020? Because “Big Sur” (macOS 11) sounded like a big cliff to sit on.
64. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2020 song? “Dynamite” (BTS… he’s a tiny firecracker).
65. Why did the dog hate the “Lockdown”? Too much “Family Time,” not enough “Mailman Time.”
66. What do you call a dragon that likes Zoom? “A Fire-host.”
67. Why did the parrot join “Clubhouse” (launched 2020)? To talk in a room without being seen.
68. Why was 2020 a great year for a dog? Because the “Dogs of Zoom” became a legitimate internet subculture.
69. What do you call a horse that loves Nomadland? “Stable-traveler.”
70. Why did the dog bark at the “PS5” controller? He thought the “Adaptive Triggers” were trying to bite his paws.
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2020 tech? The “MacBook Air” (With the M1 chip—finally cool enough to sit on).
72. Why did the squirrel love “Among Us”? Because he’s the “Impostor” in the birdfeeder every day.
73. What do you call a cat that’s a fan of Billie Eilish? “Bad-guy-paws.”
74. Why did the bird hate 2020? Too many “Home Deliveries” making the doorbell ring 24/7.
75. What’s a dog’s favorite 2020 toy? A blue disposable mask (he thought it was a tiny hammock).
76. Why was 2020 the peak for animals? Because humans finally realized that their pets were the only ones keeping them sane.
77. What do you call a cow in The Queen’s Gambit? “A Chess-moo-ter.”
78. Why did the dog bark at the “MagSafe” charger? He didn’t like the “Snap” sound.
79. What do you call a cat that survives 2020? “A Quaran-puss.”