83 Animal Jokes: The 1999 Millennium Bug Protocol

Welcome to 1999. The world lives in the shadow of the Matrix, music streams from Napster (often at a rate of one song per hour), and everyone from humans to hamsters wonders if computers will turn off gravity at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

The 1999 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. Why did the cat choose the red pill? Because it looked like a laser pointer dot.
2. What did the dog say to Neo? “I can show you how deep the rabbit hole goes… I’ve been digging it for years.”
3. Why was the Millennium Bug so small? Because it was a “byte”-ing insect.
4. How did animals react to the first Wi-Fi (802.11b)? The dogs were confused—they finally had a “leash-less” connection.
5. Why did the parrot love Napster? Because it was the best place to find “illegal” tweets.
6. What do you call a sheep that knows Kung Fu? The “One” (Dolly Reeves).
7. Why was the hamster worried about Y2K? He thought his digital wheel would stop spinning at midnight.
8. What did the fish say when it saw the first Star Wars: Episode I? “I have a bad ‘eel-ing’ about this Jar Jar guy.”
9. Why did the squirrel join a Dot-Com startup? He heard they were handing out “stock” nuts.
10. How do you know if your dog is in The Matrix? He starts dodging the bath water in slow motion.

The Full 1999 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. What’s a cat’s favorite part of The Matrix? The glitch—it means two mice to catch.
12. Why did the chicken cross the road at 11:59 PM on Dec 31st? To see if the other side still existed in 2000.
13. What do you call a dog that downloads MP3s? A “Nap-terrier.”
14. Why did the cow want to see The Blair Witch Project? She heard there was a lot of “moo-ving” footage.
15. What’s a sheep’s favorite 1999 song? “Livin’ La Vida ‘Baaa-ca’.”
16. Why did the spider love the 1999 internet? It was the peak of the World Wide Web.
17. What do you call a horse that survives Y2K? A “Stable” survivor.
18. Why did the dog bark at the flat-screen monitor? He thought the cat had finally been flattened.
19. What’s a bird’s favorite handheld? The “Palm” Pilot.
20. Why did the monkey like Tarzan (1999)? He finally saw a human with good swinging technique.
21. What do you call a cloned sheep at a New Year’s party? “Dolly 1999-and-a-half.”
22. Why did the pig use a search engine? To look for “Oink-ster.”
23. What’s an ant’s favorite movie of 1999? The Sixth Scents.
24. Why did the cat hate the “Dancing Baby” GIF? It was stealing his “Internet Sensation” spotlight.
25. What do you call a fish that knows the future? “The Oracle-fish.”
26. Why did the dog wear sunglasses inside? He thought he was “Bark-eus.”
27. What’s a Furby’s resolution for 2000? To finally learn English.
28. Why did the squirrel hate the 56k modem? The “crunching” sound reminded him of broken nuts.
29. What do you call a bee that lives in the 21st century? A “Millenni-hum.”
30. Why did the owl use Google in 1999? Because it was “who-er” than AltaVista.
31. What’s a cat’s favorite 1999 gadget? The laser pointer (The ultimate weapon).
32. Why did the duck join a “Dot-Com”? To make some “quick” bills.
33. What do you call a group of dogs watching The Matrix? A “paws-itive” simulation.
34. Why did the sheep like the new iMac? Because it looked like a giant, colorful Skittle.
35. What’s a hamster’s favorite 1999 song? “All Star” (because he’s a star on his wheel).
36. Why did the giraffe hate 1999? Too many people trying to take “digital” photos of his neck.
37. What do you call a pig that’s a hacker? “The Ham-atrix.”
38. Why did the bird like the new BlackBerry? He thought it was an actual berry.
39. What’s a dog’s favorite Star Wars character? “Chew-bark-a.”
40. Why did the cat sit on the keyboard in 1999? To stop the “Millennium Bug.”
41. What do you call a sheep with a pager? A “bleat-er.”
42. Why did the turtle like the 90s? Because the internet was finally as slow as him.
43. What’s a horse’s favorite browser? “Net-stable.”
44. Why did the frog love 1999? Because everyone was worried about “Leap” years.
45. What do you call a dog that’s a fan of Britney Spears? “Oops… I Barked It Again.”
46. Why did the spider build a web on the server? To catch the “Y2K glitch.”
47. What’s a cow’s favorite 1999 hobby? “Moo-sic” downloading.
48. Why did the cat like the DVD player? No “rewinding” meant more time for naps.
49. What do you call a bird that’s a computer expert? A “Byte-ing” Eagle.
50. Why did the dog look at the clock at midnight? He wanted to see if his bones would turn into data.
51. What’s a sheep’s favorite 1999 movie? The Sixth Sheep.
52. Why did the hamster join Napster? To share his “hits” (the wheel).
53. What do you call a cat that can dodge bullets? “Meow.”
54. Why did the pig hate the year 2000? He heard it was the year of the “Metal Dragon” and got scared.
55. What’s a dog’s favorite 1999 trend? Cargo pants (extra pockets for treats).
56. Why did the parrot mimic the ICQ sound? “Uh-oh! The millennium is coming!”
57. What do you call a cloned sheep that’s a DJ? “Dolly Mix.”
58. Why did the squirrel love the “Dot-Com” bubble? Because it sounded like a giant bubble gum nut.
59. What’s a cat’s favorite 1999 phrase? “I’ll be back… after this nap.”
60. Why did the bee like the millennium party? Because there was a lot of “buzz.”
61. What do you call a dinosaur in 1999? Still a fossil, but with a pager.
62. Why did the dog hate the new “MP3” format? He couldn’t chew on the disc.
63. What’s a sheep’s favorite search engine? “Baaa-sh.”
64. Why did the fish like the new “USB” port? It sounded like a new type of sea-breeze.
65. What do you call a group of monkeys with a startup? “Code-apes.”
66. Why did the cat stare at the “Y2K” news? He was hoping for a “cat-astrophe.”
67. What’s a dog’s favorite 1999 snack? Anything that fell while people were dancing to Mambo No. 5.
68. Why did the owl like the 90s? It was a “hoot.”
69. What do you call a pig in The Matrix? “The One… with bacon.”
70. Why did the spider join the Millennium party? To count down the “eight” seconds.
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 1999 car? A “New Beetle.”
72. Why did the cat like the iMac G3? Because it had a “tail” (the power cord).
73. What do you call a dog that collects Y2K supplies? A “Prepper-pupper.”
74. Why did the hamster get a new cage in 1999? He wanted to “upgrade” his hardware.
75. What’s a Furby’s favorite 1999 movie? Fight Club (Rule #1: You do not talk in Furbish).
76. Why did the bird hate the “Dot-Com” crash? He lost all his “nest” eggs.
77. What do you call a cat that’s a hacker? “The Mouse Hunter.”
78. Why did the dog bark at the year 2000? Because it had three zeros and no treats.
79. What’s a sheep’s favorite resolution? To stay “ewe-nique.”
80. Why did the chicken cross the road to the Apple Store? To get the “iChicken.”
81. What do you call a horse that loves Napster? A “Neigh-pster.”
82. Why did the cat survive Y2K? Because he has 9 lives and only used 1 in the 90s.
83. Why was 1999 the best year for a dog? Because the “Millennium Bug” didn’t have fleas.