82 Animal Jokes: The Wakanda & Yanny Protocol (2018)

Welcome to 2018. The year half the planet heard “Yanny” and the other half heard “Laurel,” Marvel took us to Wakanda, and the internet had to remind people that laundry detergent pods aren’t snacks. The animal kingdom officially goes into “Infinity War” mode.

The 2018 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. What happened when the Golden Retriever was caught in the middle of the “Yanny vs. Laurel” debate in May 2018? He sat between his owners for three hours, tilting his head until he practically did a 360-degree rotation. While the humans were arguing about audio frequencies, the dog—with his superior canine hearing—realized they were both wrong. He didn’t hear “Yanny” or “Laurel”; he heard the distinct sound of a bag of beef jerky being opened three houses down the street, leading to a tactical departure that left the humans arguing with a phantom.
2. Why did the house cat refuse to acknowledge the “Tide Pod Challenge” that swept the internet in early 2018? She watched her owner hide the laundry detergent in a child-proof cabinet and let out a long, judgmental sigh. As a professional groomer who has been cleaning herself with nothing but saliva and sheer willpower for a decade, she found the idea of humans eating colorful chemicals for “clout” to be the final proof that she was the only sentient being left in the house capable of making rational decisions.
3. How did the neighborhood cat react to the premiere of Black Panther in February 2018? He spent the rest of the year convinced that he was actually a misplaced member of the Jabari Tribe. He started sitting on the highest bookshelf, looking down at the dog, and refusing to come down for dinner until his owner crossed their arms and whispered “Wakanda Forever” while opening a can of premium tuna. He eventually decided that vibranium-laced claws were the only thing missing from his quest for total living room sovereignty.
4. Why was the owl so skeptical about the launch of the “iPad Pro” with the USB-C port in 2018? He argued that Apple changing the charging cable for the fourth time in a decade was a “predatory move” designed to keep humans in a perpetual state of confusion. “I’ve been using the same ‘feet-to-branch’ interface for 500,000 years,” the owl hooted, “and I’ve never once had to buy a $30 dongle just to secure my position in the oak tree during a thunderstorm.”
5. What did the squirrel think about the “Incredibles 2” release after a 14-year wait? He watched the movie from the window and felt a deep connection to Jack-Jack’s chaotic energy, especially the scene with the raccoon. He eventually decided that if a baby can have seventeen different superpowers, then a squirrel should at least be granted the ability to remember where he buried his acorns for more than twenty-four hours without needing a GPS-enabled nut-tracker.
6. How did the house dog react to the “Snapchat Gender Swap Filter” that went viral in 2018? He watched his owner transform into a completely different-looking person on the screen and became deeply concerned about the stability of human DNA. He eventually tried to “filter” himself by staring into a puddle, but when he realized he still looked like a dog with a wet nose and a passion for mailmen, he decided that “Real Life” was a much more reliable platform for a “Good Boy.”
7. Why did the cat refuse to participate in the “Fortnite Floss” dance craze? She watched her owner’s teenage son swinging his arms back and forth for six hours a day and concluded that it was a very inefficient way to hunt birds. “If you want to catch a sparrow,” she noted through a series of blinks, “you don’t move your hips like a broken pendulum; you stay perfectly still until the moment of maximum embarrassment—for the bird, and for the human doing the dance.”
8. What did the hamster say when his owner bought him a “Ring Doorbell” (which became huge in 2018) for his cage? “It’s nice that you want to see who’s visiting my plastic igloo in 1080p, but since the only person coming by is you with a handful of sunflower seeds, it’s basically just a high-tech way for me to watch you forget to refill my water bottle in real-time from your smartphone.”
9. Why was the cow so confused by the “Elon Musk Launching a Tesla into Space” event in early 2018? She watched the Starman floating past Earth and wondered why humans were so obsessed with sending a car into orbit when there isn’t a single blade of grass or a decent salt lick in the entire vacuum of space. “It’s a long drive for a very disappointing lunch,” she mooed to the rest of the herd.
10. How did the dog react to the “Infinity War” ending? He spent the last ten minutes of the movie checking under the couch to see if the cat had also “turned to dust,” eventually realizing that Thanos’s snap was the only thing that could actually make the house quiet enough for a decent nap—though he was worried that half the treat-givers in the world had disappeared along with the superheroes.

The Full 2018 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the cat join the “Yanny vs. Laurel” debate? She only hears the word “Tuna.”
12. What’s a dog’s favorite 2018 movie? A Quiet Place (He failed the challenge in three seconds).
13. Why did the parrot love the new iPad Pro? He liked the “Liquid Retina” (He thought it was a drink).
14. What do you call a sheep on the “Tide Pod Challenge”? “A Wooly-Bad-Idea.”
15. Why did the squirrel like 2018? Because “Red Dead Redemption 2” let him see what a real digital forest looks like.
16. What’s an ant’s favorite 2018 movie? Ant-Man and the Wasp (Finally, a sequel for the small guys).
17. Why did the cat hate the “HomePod”? It didn’t have a “Meow” setting.
18. What do you call a fish in Aquaman? “A Wet-Jason-Momoa-gill.”
19. Why did the dog bark at the “Tesla in Space”? He thought it was a very high-speed car ride he wasn’t invited to.
20. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2018 song? “God’s Plan” (Drake… she has a plan for the grass).
21. Why did the pig use the “Gender Swap” filter? To see if he looked better as a “Sow.”
22. What do you call a cloned sheep with a “Ring” doorbell? “Dolly-Security.”
23. Why did the bird hate 2018? Too many people doing the “Kiki Challenge” and jumping out of moving cars near his nest.
24. What’s a horse’s favorite 2018 hobby? Browsing “TikTok” (which officially merged with Musical.ly).
25. Why did the cat love Hereditary? She also enjoys standing in dark corners and clicking her tongue to scare people.
26. What do you call a dragon in 2018? A “USB-C compatible” fire-breather.
27. Why did the dog bark at the “IHOb” name change? He didn’t care about burgers; he just wanted the pancakes back.
28. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2018 band? “Panic! At The Baaa-sco.”
29. Why did the monkey like the “iPhone XR”? He liked the bright colors (especially the yellow one).
30. What do you call a cow that likes Black Panther? “Moo-Challa.”
31. Why did the squirrel hate “Fortnite”? Too many people building towers in his trees.
32. What’s a cat’s favorite 2018 tech? The “Oculus Go” (Wireless VR meant more humans walking into walls for her amusement).
33. Why did the dog like Bohemian Rhapsody? He felt Freddie Mercury’s “Ayo!” was the ultimate call-and-response.
34. What do you call a group of ants in Infinity War? “The Vanishing Colony.”
35. Why did the parrot mimic the “TikTok” transition sound? To make his owner dizzy.
36. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2018 song? “Shallow” (A-baaa-baaa-baaa-low).
37. Why did the cat stare at the “Fortnite” screen? She was waiting for the “Loot Llama” to move.
38. What do you call a dog that’s a fan of Venom? “A Symbi-mutt.”
39. Why did the pig like The Favourite? He heard there were lots of rabbits to hang out with.
40. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2018 gadget? The “Apple Watch Series 4” (with Fall Detection for when he falls off the wheel).
41. Why did the dog bark at the “Alexa” microwave? He didn’t think the voice knew how to cook bacon properly.
42. What do you call a cat that’s a “TikTok” star? “A Meow-ser.”
43. Why did the bird join “YouTube Music” (launched 2018)? To get better “Remix” options.
44. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2018 fashion? “Clear plastic boots” (she found them very sweaty).
45. Why did the dog like 2018? Because “TikTok” meant more videos of dogs doing “The Woah.”
46. What do you call a fish that uses an iPad Pro? “A Pro-gill.”
47. Why did the cat hate the “Google Pixel 3” notch? Because it was even bigger than the iPhone’s.
48. What’s a squirrel’s favorite 2018 movie? Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (He’s an expert at escaping falling things).
49. Why did the parrot get a “Ring” doorbell? To say “Who is it?!” to the mailman automatically.
50. What do you call a cow that likes Killing Eve? “Moo-llanelle.”
51. Why did the dog bark at the “Tide Pods”? He thought they were forbidden tennis balls.
52. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2018 tech? “Screen Time” (she was shocked by how long she spends looking at grass).
53. Why did the cat like Bird Box? Because everyone was wearing blindfolds, making them much easier to trip.
54. What do you call a donkey on TikTok? “A Viral Ass.”
55. Why did the bird like the “iPhone XS”? It was “eXtra Small” (He lied, he just liked the gold finish).
56. What’s a dog’s favorite 2018 phrase? “Big Dick Energy” (He heard it on Twitter and thought it meant a big park).
57. Why did the squirrel hate “Red Dead Redemption 2”? The horses were too realistic and kept stepping on his nuts.
58. What do you call a cat in Black Panther? “Kill-mew-nger.”
59. Why did the pig like 2018? Because “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” had Spider-Ham.
60. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2018 drink? “Oat Milk” (She felt it was a betrayal of the dairy industry).
61. Why did the dog bark at the movie The Meg? He didn’t think the shark was as big as his ego.
62. What do you call a group of owls on a “Ring” doorbell? “A Parliament of Watchers.”
63. Why did the cat like 2018? Because “Mojave” (macOS 10.14) brought Dark Mode (Perfect for her soul).
64. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2018 song? “Thank U, Next” (Next seed, please).
65. Why did the dog hate the “Mannequin Challenge” (still happening in early ’18)? He’s not a statue, he’s a kinetic force of nature.
66. What do you call a dragon that likes TikTok? “A Fire-creator.”
67. Why did the parrot join “Snapchat” again? For the “Cat” filters.
68. Why was 2018 a great year for a dog? Because “Doge” became a legitimate currency (almost).
69. What do you call a horse that loves Green Book? “Stable-traveler.”
70. Why did the dog bark at the “Tesla Model X” doors? He thought the car was trying to fly away.
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2018 tech? The “MacBook Air” (Finally with Retina).
72. Why did the squirrel love “Fortnite”? For the “Chug Jugs” (He thought they were nut-juice).
73. What do you call a cat that’s a fan of Ariana Grande? “7-Paws.”
74. Why did the bird hate 2018? Too many “Selfie Drones” blocking the flight path to the birdbath.
75. What’s a dog’s favorite 2018 toy? A “Thanos” plush (to aim for the head).
76. Why was 2018 the peak for animals? Because humans were too busy arguing about “Yanny” to realize the dog had eaten the entire Sunday roast.
77. What do you call a cow in Wakanda? “Moo-kanda.”
78. Why did the dog bark at the “iPhone XS Max”? He thought the name was too long to bark in one breath.
79. What do you call a cat that survives the “Infinity War”? “A Survivor-puss.”
80. Why did the owl love 2018? Because it was the year of the “Yanny-hoot.”
81. Why did the chicken cross the road in 2018? To get to the “Wakanda” premiere.
82. What do you call a fish in a “Tide Pod”? “A Very Clean Mistake.”