81 Animal Jokes: The 2000 Dragon-Byte Protocol

Welcome to the year 2000. We survived the Y2K bug, but now we have to survive the launch of the PlayStation 2, the rise of the “Razor” scooter, and the realization that the future is just more internet. It’s the Year of the Dragon, and the animal kingdom is getting high-tech.

The 2000 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. Why did the tech-savvy cat refuse to eat his dinner on January 1st, 2000? He spent the last three years listening to his owner panic about the “Millennium Bug” and was convinced that the second the clock struck midnight, the automated can opener would gain sentience, join the Matrix, and turn his tuna into digital code.
2. What happened when the Golden Retriever tried to play the new PlayStation 2? He was so impressed by the “Emotion Engine” graphics that he spent four hours barking at a hyper-realistic digital tennis ball, eventually collapsing in front of the console because he couldn’t understand why the “new smell” of the future just smelled like burning plastic and disappointment.
3. Why did the squirrel decide to invest all his winter acorns into a Dot-Com startup in early 2000? He heard the company was called “NutNet” and promised a 400% return on buried assets, but by April, the bubble burst, and he realized that having a “virtual portfolio” doesn’t help much when the ground freezes and you can’t click “download” on a physical snack.
4. How did the family dog react to the “Year of the Dragon” celebrations? He spent the whole parade trying to figure out which end of the giant, 50-foot paper-mâché dragon he was supposed to sniff, eventually giving up and deciding that if an animal doesn’t have a visible tail-wag or a bark, it’s probably just a very large, colorful mailman.
5. Why was the hamster so stressed out during the Sydney 2000 Olympics? He watched the track and field events and realized that despite running a marathon every single night on his plastic wheel, he didn’t have a single gold medal, a Nike sponsorship, or even a tiny podium to stand on while eating his sunflower seeds.
6. What did the cat say when his owner finally got a high-speed DSL connection in 2000? “Finally, now I can watch the mouse cursor move across the screen in real-time without the dial-up screeching in my ears, though I still don’t understand why you spend eight hours a day staring at a box when there is a perfectly good cardboard one right here on the floor.”
7. Why did the parrot get banned from the local movie theater during a screening of Gladiator? Because every time Russell Crowe asked, “Are you not entertained?”, the parrot would scream “SQUAWK! UNLEASH HELL!” and then try to sell the audience overpriced popcorn while mimicking the sound of a roaring lion.
8. What happened to the dog that tried to ride his owner’s new Razor scooter? He managed to get two paws on the deck and look incredibly cool for exactly three seconds, until he hit a single pebble, experienced the “shin-shattering” rotation of the metal frame, and decided that four-paw drive was a much safer way to get to the park.
9. Why did the owl join the Napster legal defense team in late 2000? Because he was the only one in the forest who could stay up all night tracking who was downloading “Who Let The Dogs Out” without paying a single cent, claiming that “intellectual paw-perty” was the most important issue of the new century.
10. Why did the cow refuse to participate in the new millennium celebrations? She looked at the giant “2000” glasses everyone was wearing and realized that having two zeros for eyes was exactly how she felt after being milked at 5:00 AM, proving that no matter what century it is, the grass is always greener on the side without the fireworks.

The Full 2000 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the dog bark at the DVD player? He missed the “tracking” lines from the 90s.
12. What do you call a dragon born on Jan 1st, 2000? A “Millennium Flame.”
13. Why did the cat hate the PlayStation 2? The controller had too many “vibrations” and not enough “mice.”
14. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2000 song? “Bye Bye Bye” (by N-Sheep).
15. Why did the spider love the year 2000? Because the “Web” was finally everywhere.
16. What do you call a dog on a Razor scooter? A “Fast Food” delivery service.
17. Why did the bird like the new Nokia 3310? He wanted to play “Snake” but was worried about the predator.
18. What’s an ant’s favorite Olympic event? The “Crumb” Put.
19. Why did the cat sit on the new flat-screen monitor? It was the only thing in the house that wasn’t “vibrating” from the bass.
20. What do you call a cow that survives the Dot-Com crash? “Moo-ney-less.”
21. Why did the dog think he was in Cast Away? Because his owner went to work and left him with only a volleyball.
22. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2000 movie? Gladiator (“I shall have my revenge, in this cage or the next”).
23. Why did the parrot mimic the “You’ve Got Mail” sound? To make the cat think a bird had flown into the computer.
24. What do you call a group of penguins in Sydney? “Ice” spectators.
25. Why did the horse hate the year 2000? Too many “horsepower” jokes from car commercials.
26. What’s a squirrel’s favorite 2000 tech? The “Thumb Drive” (perfect for small paws).
27. Why did the cat love The Grinch (2000)? Because he finally saw a human who hated people as much as he did.
28. What do you call a dog that wins a gold medal? A “Champ-ion.”
29. Why did the chicken cross the road in 2000? To get to the “New Economy.”
30. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2000 hobby? Collecting “Ewe-ro” coins.
31. Why did the dog bark at the Mars Odyssey? He thought it was fetching a very distant stick.
32. What do you call a cat that uses a search engine? A “Google-puss.”
33. Why did the pig like the year 2000? Because “Hog-warts” was becoming famous.
34. What’s a bird’s favorite 2000 song? “I’m Like a Bird” (literally).
35. Why did the turtle like the PS2? Because even with the fast processor, his loading times were slower.
36. What do you call a dragon with a computer? A “Fire-wall.”
37. Why did the dog hate the new millennium fashion? Too much denim, not enough fur.
38. What’s a cat’s favorite 2000 gadget? The “Laser” pointer (still the reigning champ).
39. Why did the squirrel join a “Dot-Com”? He wanted to be a “Nut-millionaire.”
40. What do you call a cow in the year 2000? “Moo-lennium.”
41. Why did the spider build a web on the router? To catch some “Wi-Fi” flies.
42. What’s a dog’s favorite X-Men character? “Wolverine” (he relates to the claws).
43. Why did the cat stare at the digital clock at 00:00? He was waiting for the world to “reset.”
44. What do you call a fish in the Sydney Olympics? A “Sync-ro” swimmer.
45. Why did the parrot love the year 2000? Because everyone was “repeating” the word “millennium.”
46. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2000 movie? Meet the Parents (Meet the “Lambs”).
47. Why did the dog bark at the GPS? He didn’t like a machine telling him where the fire hydrant was.
48. What do you call a pig that knows Kung Fu? “Pork Chop.”
49. Why did the cat like the new iMac colors? He wanted the “Lime” one to match his eyes.
50. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2000 song? “Oops… I Did It Again” (fell off the wheel).
51. Why did the bird hate the Razor scooter? Because humans were finally moving as fast as a low-flying pigeon.
52. What do you call a dog that loves Napster? A “Sub-woofer.”
53. Why did the cow join the Olympics? To do the “High-Steak” jump.
54. What’s a cat’s favorite 2000 phrase? “Whassup!” (but with more attitude).
55. Why did the squirrel hate Y2K? He thought his “nut-cache” would be deleted.
56. What do you call a sheep that’s an Olympic athlete? “Baaa-lt.”
57. Why did the dog like How the Grinch Stole Christmas? Because the dog, Max, was the real hero.
58. What’s a bird’s favorite 2000 hobby? “Geo-caching” (finding shiny things).
59. Why did the cat hate the PlayStation 2 startup sound? It was too loud for a dignified nap.
60. What do you call a dragon in a tuxedo? “Fancy-fire.”
61. Why did the pig go to the Sydney Olympics? To see the “Ham-athlon.”
62. What’s a sheep’s favorite tech? The “Ewe-S-B” cable.
63. Why did the dog bark at the year 2000? Because he thought the three zeros were three giant holes.
64. What do you call a cat that codes? A “Script-kiddie-cat.”
65. Why did the bird like the new millennium? Because “Twitter” wasn’t around to steal his job yet.
66. What’s a dog’s favorite 2000 drink? “Vitamin Water” (he thought it was for healthy fur).
67. Why did the cat sit on the DVD? He thought it was a very thin, very uncomfortable plate.
68. What do you call a group of cows in 2000? A “Moo-vment.”
69. Why did the squirrel love the internet? Because of all the “cookies.”
70. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2000 band? “The Lamb-p Bizkit.”
71. Why did the dog hate the “Year of the Dragon”? He didn’t like being second-best to a mythical lizard.
72. What do you call a fish that wins a gold medal? “Fin-nomenal.”
73. Why did the cat like the new “optical” mouse? No ball to lose meant more focus on the red light.
74. What’s a bird’s favorite 2000 movie? Chicken Run.
75. Why did the dog bark at the millennium dome? He thought it was a giant bowl.
76. Why did the pig like Napster? He wanted to download “The Ham-pton Dance.”
77. What do you call a sheep that’s a hacker? “The Wool-y Mammoth of Code.”
78. Why did the cat survive the Dot-Com crash? He never invested in anything but catnip.
79. What’s a dog’s favorite 2000 game? “The Sims” (he liked to watch the humans sit around).
80. Why did the bird join the Olympics? For the “feather-weight” boxing.
81. Why was 2000 a great year for animals? Because the “Millennium Bug” turned out to be a dud.