81 Animal Jokes: The James Webb & Wordle Protocol (2022)

Welcome to 2022. The year we all became obsessed with five-letter words and yellow squares, witnessed the deepest corners of the universe through a $10 billion golden telescope, and learned that you probably shouldn’t mention a comedian’s wife at the Oscars. The animal kingdom is officially going interstellar.

The 2022 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. What happened when the Golden Retriever tried to help his owner solve the “Wordle” of the day in early 2022? He sat by the couch watching the green and yellow squares multiply, eventually convinced that the humans were playing a high-stakes digital version of “Find the Hidden Treat.” He barked out a suggestion—”B-A-L-L-S”—and when the owner explained it was five letters but not the right answer, the dog sighed, realizing that if a game doesn’t involve a physical object to fetch, it’s basically just a very quiet way for humans to feel smart while ignoring him.
2. Why did the house cat become a self-appointed “Scientific Advisor” for the James Webb Space Telescope in July 2022? She looked at the first high-resolution images of the Carina Nebula and concluded that the universe is basically just a giant, glowing yarn ball that she isn’t allowed to play with. She spent the rest of the year staring at the stars through the window, convinced that the “Deep Field” images were just proof that there are billions of other planets out there where she could potentially find a better brand of wet food.
3. How did the farm dog react to “The Slap” at the 2022 Oscars? He watched the footage on a loop and felt a deep sense of confusion—in his world, if someone says something you don’t like, you bark at them from a safe distance or sniff their shoes to assert dominance. He eventually decided that if humans are going to start settling arguments with “unarmed combat” on live television, they should probably stick to the “gentle paw-swipe” method he uses to tell the cat to move off his bed.
4. Why was the owl so skeptical about the “BeReal” app that went viral in 2022? He argued that a social media platform that forces you to take a photo at a random time every day is a direct violation of his “mysterious and aloof” brand. “I spend 23 hours a day looking exactly the same—judicious and feathered,” the owl hooted, “I don’t need a notification to tell me to ‘Be Real’ when my entire existence is 100% authentic judgment of the neighborhood’s lack of wisdom.”
5. What did the squirrel think about the launch of the “iPhone 14” and the new “Dynamic Island” in late 2022? He saw the little pill-shaped cutout at the top of the screen and concluded that it was a terrible place to hide a nut. He argued that if humans are going to get excited about a “moving black bar” that shows their music and timers, they should try living in a real island—like the one in the middle of the park pond—where the only “notifications” are from hungry swans and the “recharge time” involves finding a dry hollow.
6. How did the house cat react to the “Elon Musk buying Twitter” saga throughout 2022? She watched the news with her usual indifference, eventually deciding that “The Bird App” getting a new owner was irrelevant as long as there were still actual birds outside the window for her to chatter at. She did, however, suggest that the $44 billion would have been much better spent on a global network of heated cat-shelves and a lifetime supply of silvervine.
7. Why did the dog bark at the TV during the 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar? He saw the players sliding across the grass and was convinced it was a mass-invitation to a giant game of “Tummy Rubs.” He spent the entire final between Argentina and France trying to “intercept” the ball from Messi, eventually realizing that no matter how many times he barked at the screen, the humans in the box weren’t going to throw him a single piece of that celebratory steak.
8. What did the hamster say when his owner tried to explain the concept of “ChatGPT” (launched in late 2022)? “So, you’ve invented a computer program that can write essays, code, and poems in seconds? That’s great, but can it calculate the optimal torque required for a 3-inch wheel or find a way to make a cardboard tube last for more than two days? Until AI can generate a physical sunflower seed, I’m going to stay in my lane and focus on manual labor.”
9. Why was the cow so confused by the “Coastal Grandmother” aesthetic that trended on TikTok in 2022? She watched her owner start wearing linen shirts and straw hats while listening to 70s folk music, and concluded that humans were finally trying to embrace the “pastoral lifestyle” she’s been perfecting since the Neolithic era. “You don’t need a neutral-colored cardigan to feel ‘at one with nature,'” she mooed, “you just need a good patch of clover and a total lack of a busy schedule.”
10. How did the dog react to the “NASA DART” mission that crashed a spacecraft into an asteroid in 2022? He felt a surge of pride, realizing that humans had finally learned the most important lesson in the universe: if you see a giant rock flying through the sky, your only logical response is to hit it as hard as you can. He spent the rest of the night looking at the moon, waiting for NASA to throw a giant, space-sized stick for him to retrieve.

The Full 2022 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the cat join Wordle? She thought it was a way to “order” five-letter mice.
12. What’s a dog’s favorite 2022 movie? Top Gun: Maverick (He liked the “Dog-fight” scenes).
13. Why did the parrot love the James Webb Telescope? He wanted to see if there were any “Ultra-high-def” crackers in the Pillars of Creation.
14. What do you call a sheep on BeReal? “A Raw-lamb.”
15. Why did the squirrel like 2022? Because “Steam Deck” meant humans were taking their games into his territory (the park).
16. What’s an ant’s favorite 2022 movie? Everything Everywhere All At Once (That’s how he describes his colony).
17. Why did the cat hate the “Dynamic Island”? It looked like a bug she couldn’t actually swat.
18. What do you call a fish in Avatar: The Way of Water? “A Wet-CGI-gill.”
19. Why did the dog bark at the “AirPods Pro 2”? He thought the “Lanyard Loop” was a tiny leash for a tiny dog.
20. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2022 song? “As It Was” (Harry Styles… but she likes it as it baaa-s).
21. Why did the pig use ChatGPT? To write a “Ham-let” sequel.
22. What do you call a cloned sheep with a Wordle streak? “Dolly-Five-Letters.”
23. Why did the bird hate 2022? Too many “Starlink” satellites making the night sky look like a busy highway.
24. What’s a horse’s favorite 2022 hobby? Taking “Coastal Grandmother” photos in the meadow.
25. Why did the cat love The Batman? She also enjoys being “Vengeance” and staring at people from the shadows.
26. What do you call a dragon in 2022? A “Next-gen-console” fire-breather.
27. Why did the dog bark at the “Will Smith Slap”? He thought it was a very aggressive way to say “Sit.”
28. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2022 band? “The Baaa-d Bunny.”
29. Why did the monkey like the “iPhone 14 Pro”? He liked the “48MP” camera for his close-up banana shots.
30. What do you call a cow that likes Stranger Things 4? “Moo-die” (Eddie Munson fan).
31. Why did the squirrel hate “BeReal”? He was always caught mid-burying a nut and looked suspicious.
32. What’s a cat’s favorite 2022 tech? The “James Webb Telescope” (The ultimate laser-dot seeker).
33. Why did the dog like Elvis? He felt the “hound dog” song was finally being sung with the proper energy.
34. What do you call a group of ants on a James Webb photo? “A Cosmic-colony.”
35. Why did the parrot mimic the “Wordle” share sound? To make his owner feel guilty about their failing streak.
36. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2022 song? “About Damn Time” (Lizzo… about damn time she got sheared).
37. Why did the cat stare at the “Dynamic Island”? She thought it was a portal to the tuna-verse.
38. What do you call a dog that’s a fan of House of the Dragon? “A Bark-garyen.”
39. Why did the pig like Turning Red? He felt the emotional transformation was very “Ham-pathetic.”
40. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2022 gadget? The “Apple Watch Ultra” (He wanted a “Siren” for his cage).
41. Why did the dog bark at the “NASA DART” mission? He wanted to know if they were going to fetch the asteroid.
42. What do you call a cat that’s a “ChatGPT” expert? “A Prompt-puss.”
43. Why did the bird join “BeReal” in 2022? To post “Aerial-view” shots of his nest.
44. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2022 fashion? “Cottagecore” (She’s the CEO).
45. Why did the dog like 2022? Because “Disney+” had The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special (He liked the space-dog Cosmo).
46. What do you call a fish that uses an iPhone 14? “A Satellite-gill.”
47. Why did the cat hate “Elon Musk buying Twitter”? She thought he should have bought a fish market instead.
48. What’s a squirrel’s favorite 2022 movie? Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (He also has a fast friend).
49. Why did the parrot get an Apple Watch Ultra? To “Way-point” his favorite crackers.
50. What do you call a cow that likes The White Lotus? “Moo-nnifer Coolidge.”
51. Why did the dog bark at the “Wordle” squares? He thought they were tiny, colorful biscuits he couldn’t eat.
52. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2022 tech? “Stable Diffusion” (She thought it was for her barn).
53. Why did the cat like Nope? She also knows there’s something weird in the clouds, but she’s not going to tell you.
54. What do you call a donkey on BeReal? “A Natural Ass.”
55. Why did the bird like the “iPhone 14 Plus”? More “Screen-space” for his migration maps.
56. What’s a dog’s favorite 2022 phrase? “Gentleminions” (He wore a suit to the park).
57. Why did the squirrel hate “Dynamic Island”? Too much “Interface,” not enough “Inter-tree-face.”
58. What do you call a cat in House of the Dragon? “Meow-raxes.”
59. Why did the pig like 2022? Because “Ham-ilton” was still on the “Hot 100” (Wait, 2020… let’s say he liked the “Pig-Latin” trend).
60. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2022 drink? “Espresso Martini” (She’s very sophisticated now).
61. Why did the dog bark at the movie The Northman? Too much mud, not enough ball-throwing.
62. What do you call a group of owls on a James Webb photo? “A Parliament of Stars.”
63. Why did the cat like 2022? Because “Ventura” (macOS 13) sounded like a place with a lot of lizards.
64. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2022 song? “Bad Habit” (Steve Lacy… he has a bad habit of chewing the cage).
65. Why did the dog hate the “Wordle” craze? Too much silence while the owner “thinks.”
66. What do you call a dragon that likes BeReal? “A Fire-poster.”
67. Why did the parrot join “ChatGPT”? To “Squawk-generate” some new insults.
68. Why was 2022 a great year for a dog? Because “James Webb” proved the universe is full of potential “Space Parks.”
69. What do you call a horse that loves Elvis? “Stable-king.”
70. Why did the dog bark at the “Tesla Optimus” bot? He thought a very stiff mailman had arrived.
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2022 tech? The “RTX 4090” (She liked the “Ray-tracing” on her wool).
72. Why did the squirrel love “Wordle”? Because he’s also looking for a five-letter word: “A-C-O-R-N.”
73. What do you call a cat that’s a fan of Taylor Swift (Midnights released 2022)? “Anti-hero-paws.”
74. Why did the bird hate 2022? Too many “Selfie Drones” still acting like they own the sky.
75. What’s a dog’s favorite 2022 toy? A “James Webb” plush (To shake the universe).
76. Why was 2022 the peak for animals? Because humans were too busy trying to find a five-letter word to notice the cat had deleted their entire photo library.
77. What do you call a cow in “The White Lotus”? “A Moo-tual guest.”
78. Why did the dog bark at the “Dynamic Island”? He thought it was a digital flea jumping around.
79. What do you call a cat that survives “The Slap”? “A Neutral-observer-puss.”
80. Why did the owl love 2022? Because it was the year of the “Space-Webb-hoot.”
81. Why did the chicken cross the road in 2022? To get to the “BeReal” notification zone.