80 Animal Jokes: The 2005 Viral Video & 360 Protocol

Welcome to 2005. The year “Me at the zoo” became the first-ever YouTube upload, the Xbox 360 brought the “Red Ring of Death” into our living rooms, and everyone was suddenly obsessed with a “Million Dollar Homepage” made of pixels. The animal kingdom is officially going viral.

The 2005 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. Why did the elephant at the San Diego Zoo feel like a pioneer in April 2005? He stood there minding his own business while a guy named Jawed filmed a 19-second clip of his trunk, accidentally making the elephant the first-ever star of YouTube—though the elephant later complained to his agent that he didn’t get any “ad-sense” revenue or even a “Like” for his performance.
2. What happened when the Labrador tried to play the new Xbox 360 on launch day? He was mesmerized by the high-definition graphics of Kameo, but the second he saw the “Red Ring of Death,” he started howling at the console, convinced that the machine was bleeding and needed an immediate emergency trip to the vet for a hardware transplant.
3. Why did the cat refuse to acknowledge the “Million Dollar Homepage” craze? She looked at a screen full of tiny, 1-pixel advertisements and decided that humans had officially lost their minds, arguing that if she wanted to see a million tiny dots that don’t do anything, she’d just go outside and stare at a swarm of gnats for free.
4. How did the parrot react to the launch of Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith? He spent the rest of the year perched on the curtain rod, looking at the family dog and screaming, “You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the mailmen, not join them!” before flying off to find the “High Ground” on top of the refrigerator.
5. Why was the squirrel so excited about the release of the “Google Maps” satellite view in 2005? He spent six hours zoomed in on his backyard, trying to spot the exact pixel where he buried his favorite walnut, only to realize that the satellite image was three years old and his “Secret Cache” had been paved over by a new gazebo.
6. What did the cat think about the debut of “The Office” (US) in 2005? She watched Jim Halpert look at the camera with a deadpan expression and realized that she had been doing the exact same thing to her owners for years whenever they tried to talk to her in a “baby voice,” finally feeling represented by a paper salesman from Scranton.
7. Why did the dog bark at the first-ever “Video iPod” (5th Gen) released in late 2005? He couldn’t understand how a human could fit a whole episode of Lost into a box the size of a deck of cards, eventually deciding that the only “Island” he cared about was the kitchen island where the bacon was kept.
8. How did the owl react to the birth of “Reddit” in 2005? He took one look at the upvote/downvote system and decided it was a perfect fit for his personality, since he already spent most of his time judging everyone from a distance and asking “Who?” whenever someone posted something he didn’t agree with.
9. What did the hamster say when his owner bought a “Guitar Hero” controller for the PS2? “It’s fascinating that you’ll spend five hours a day clicking plastic buttons to pretend you’re in a rock band, but you won’t spend five minutes helping me grease the axle on my wheel so I can hit my ‘Star Power’ without squeaking.”
10. Why was the cow so confused by the launch of the “Mac Mini” in 2005? She saw the tiny, screenless computer and thought it was a high-tech salt lick, becoming deeply disappointed when she licked the aluminum casing and realized it tasted like “voided warranty” instead of delicious minerals.

The Full 2005 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the cat start a YouTube channel? To prove that “If I fits, I sits” is the ultimate viral content.
12. What’s a dog’s favorite 2005 movie? Madagascar (he wants to move to the wild, but only if there are treats).
13. Why did the parrot love the new iPod Video? He could finally watch himself “tweet.”
14. What do you call a sheep on a “Million Dollar Homepage”? A “Pixel-ewe.”
15. Why did the squirrel like 2005? Because “Google Earth” let him spy on the neighbor’s bird feeder.
16. What’s an ant’s favorite 2005 movie? Batman Begins (he relates to the cave lifestyle).
17. Why did the cat hate the “Red Ring of Death”? It was a red light she couldn’t chase.
18. What do you call a fish in Wedding Crashers? “A Gill-friend.”
19. Why did the dog bark at the Xbox 360 controller? He thought the “Guide” button was a glowing flea.
20. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2005 song? “Gold Digger” (she likes the shearing).
21. Why did the pig use YouTube? To upload “The Real Ham-ster Dance.”
22. What do you call a cloned sheep with an Xbox 360? “Dolly-HD.”
23. Why did the bird hate the 2005 internet? Too many “Vlogs,” not enough “Logs” to sit on.
24. What’s a horse’s favorite 2005 hobby? Browsing the early days of “Reddit.”
25. Why did the cat love Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)? She also thinks children are loud and should be turned into blueberries.
26. What do you call a dragon in 2005? A “High-Def” heater.
27. Why did the dog bark at the King Kong (2005) poster? He didn’t trust a monkey that big.
28. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2005 band? “Fall Out Baaa-y.”
29. Why did the monkey like the “Mac Mini”? It was just his size.
30. What do you call a cow that likes The Office? “Dwight S-moo-te.”
31. Why did the squirrel hate the “Million Dollar Homepage”? He couldn’t find a single pixel of an acorn.
32. What’s a cat’s favorite 2005 tech? The “Broadband” connection (faster mouse-watching).
33. Why did the dog like Chronicles of Narnia? He was looking for the talking lion’s autograph.
34. What do you call a group of ants on YouTube? “A Viral Colony.”
35. Why did the parrot mimic the “Xbox 360” startup sound? To trick the owner into thinking it was game time.
36. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2005 song? “You’re Beautiful” (James Blunt… but she thinks it’s about her wool).
37. Why did the cat stare at “Google Earth”? She was looking for her own house’s roof to see if she left a toy there.
38. What do you call a dog that’s a fan of Lost? “Sawyer-triever.”
39. Why did the pig like Brokeback Mountain? He heard it was about the “great outdoors.”
40. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2005 gadget? The “Nano” (iPod Nano).
41. Why did the dog bark at the “Guitar Hero” guitar? It was a stick that made too much noise.
42. What do you call a cat that uses “Reddit”? A “Sub-mew-ditor.”
43. Why did the bird join YouTube? To “Stream” his morning song.
44. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2005 fashion? Skinny jeans (very itchy on wool).
45. Why did the dog like 2005? Because “YouTube” meant more videos of cats falling off things.
46. What do you call a fish that uses a 360? “A Gamer-gill.”
47. Why did the cat hate the “Gizmundo”? No one knew what it was, including her.
48. What’s a squirrel’s favorite 2005 movie? Mr. & Mrs. Smith (he also has a double life).
49. Why did the parrot get an iPod Nano? To record his “Nano-squawks.”
50. What do you call a cow that likes American Idol (2005)? “Carrie Under-moo.”
51. Why did the dog bark at the “Pandora Radio” (launched 2005)? He didn’t like the “Music Recommendation” (it was all Cat Stevens).
52. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2005 tech? “BitTorrent” (she thought it was for hay).
53. Why did the cat like Sin City? It was black and white, just like her favorite nap dreams.
54. What do you call a donkey on “YouTube”? “A Viral Ass-et.”
55. Why did the bird like the “iPod Shuffle” (1st Gen)? It looked like a pack of gum.
56. What’s a dog’s favorite 2005 phrase? “I’m the Juggernaut, b****!” (He heard it on a viral video).
57. Why did the squirrel hate “Google Maps”? Too much “Street View,” not enough “Tree View.”
58. What do you call a cat in World of Warcraft (Burning Crusade hype)? “A Mana-puss.”
59. Why did the pig like 2005? Because “Ham-ilton” wasn’t a play yet, so he was still the most famous Ham.
60. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2005 drink? “Pepsi Lime.”
61. Why did the dog bark at the movie War of the Worlds? He didn’t like the giant tripods in the yard.
62. What do you call a group of owls on Reddit? “A Thread of Owls.”
63. Why did the cat like 2005? Because “YouTube” meant she was finally an international celebrity.
64. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2005 song? “Hollaback Girl” (he’s not a hollaback hamster).
65. Why did the dog hate the “Red Ring of Death”? No more “Bratz” games for the kids (less quiet time).
66. What do you call a dragon that likes YouTube? “A Fire-uploader.”
67. Why did the parrot join Reddit? To argue in the “r/birds” section.
68. Why was 2005 a great year for a dog? Because “Google Maps” meant his owner never got lost on the way to the park.
69. What do you call a horse that loves Walk the Line? “Johnny Cash-mere.”
70. Why did the dog bark at the “Million Dollar Homepage”? He thought the pixels were tiny bugs.
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2005 tech? The “Mac OS X Tiger.”
72. Why did the squirrel love “YouTube”? For the “How to Crack a Nut” tutorials.
73. What do you call a cat that’s a fan of Kanye West? “Yeezy-paws.”
74. Why did the bird hate 2005? Too much “Static” on the new digital TVs.
75. What’s a dog’s favorite 2005 toy? A “Star Wars” lightsaber (to chew on).
76. Why did the pig like the Xbox 360? He heard it had “Ham-o” (Halo).
77. What do you call a sheep that’s a YouTube star? “The Wooly Vlogger.”
78. Why did the cat survive 2005? Because she was the original “Content Creator.”
79. What’s a dog’s favorite 2005 game? Nintendogs (he was very jealous of the digital puppies).
80. Why was 2005 the peak for animals? Because humans finally had a place to upload 24/7 footage of their pets doing absolutely nothing.