81 Animal Jokes: The 2016 Augmented Reality & Harambe Protocol

Welcome to 2016. The year we all walked into lamp posts while trying to catch a digital Charizard, the year a gorilla named Harambe became an immortal internet deity, and the year we all stood perfectly still for the “Mannequin Challenge.” The animal kingdom is officially crossing the border between the real world and the augmented one.

The 2016 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. What happened when the Golden Retriever went for a walk during the Pokémon GO craze in July 2016? He spent forty minutes watching his owner spin in circles and swipe at thin air, eventually concluding that the human had finally developed a specialized type of “ghost-hunting” insanity. The dog decided to help by barking at a nearby fire hydrant, convinced that if his owner was catching invisible monsters, he might as well help “apprehend” the invisible mailman he’d been tracking since 2014.
2. Why did the house cat become the ultimate judge of the “Mannequin Challenge” in late 2016? She watched a group of six teenagers stand perfectly still in the living room for a viral video and was completely unimpressed, noting that she has been performing the “motionless stare” for up to eighteen hours a day since her birth. She eventually broke their record by knocking over a glass of water mid-video, proving that a real pro knows when to hold still and when to create a “cat-astrophe.”
3. How did the neighborhood gorilla react to becoming the biggest meme on the planet in 2016? He looked down from the great jungle in the sky, saw millions of people honoring his memory with “Dicks out for Harambe,” and issued a spiritual statement via a local parrot: “I appreciate the global recognition, but I really wish you’d spend less time making memes and more time making sure my cousins don’t have to deal with any more toddlers falling into their living rooms.”
4. Why was the owl so skeptical about the launch of the “AirPods” in late 2016? He argued that having two white plastic “twigs” hanging out of your ears with no wires is a recipe for disaster, claiming that he’s been using “wireless audio” (his own ears) for centuries and has never once had to look for a “left ear” under the sofa cushions or worry about a 5-hour battery life while hunting for field mice.
5. What did the squirrel think about the launch of the “Tesla Model 3” reservations in 2016? He saw hundreds of thousands of people paying $1,000 just to stand in a digital line for a car they wouldn’t see for two years, and concluded that squirrels are actually the more advanced species—at least when a squirrel “reserves” an acorn, he buries it in the ground immediately instead of waiting for Elon Musk to tweet about the production schedule.
6. How did the house dog react to the “Stranger Things” premiere on Netflix that summer? He spent the rest of the year terrified of the “Upside Down,” which he was convinced was the place where all the tennis balls go when they roll under the couch, eventually deciding that the Demogorgon was just a very large, very misunderstood dog with a serious skin condition and a lack of boundaries.
7. Why did the cat refuse to acknowledge the debut of the “Nintendo Switch” announcement in late 2016? She looked at the “joy-cons” and decided that if a gaming console is designed to be “switched” from a TV to a handheld, it’s just another piece of technology that will eventually be used to occupy her favorite nap-spot on the human’s lap, which she viewed as a direct violation of the feline-owner treaty of 2003.
8. What did the hamster say when his owner bought a “Dyson Supersonic” hair dryer in 2016? “It’s fascinating that you’ll spend $400 on a high-tech wind tunnel just to dry your hair in three minutes, but you won’t spend five bucks to fix the draft in my cage; if I wanted that much airflow, I’d move to a wind farm and start a career in renewable energy.”
9. Why was the cow so confused by the popularity of “Lemonade” by Beyoncé in 2016? She watched the visual album and concluded that while the cinematography was excellent, the title was misleading—she spent all day looking for an actual lemon in the pasture, only to realize that “sipping tea” and “smashing cars with a baseball bat” are human metaphors that don’t involve any actual citrus fruit.
10. How did the dog react to the “Leonardo DiCaprio finally winning an Oscar” news in early 2016? He celebrated by finally catching his own tail after six years of trying, convinced that if Leo could survive a bear attack and a sinking ship to get a gold statue, then a “Good Boy” could surely achieve his lifelong dream of self-apprehension without the help of a Hollywood script.

The Full 2016 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the cat join Pokémon GO? To catch the “Meowth” (obviously).
12. What’s a dog’s favorite 2016 movie? The Secret Life of Pets (he felt it was a very accurate documentary).
13. Why did the parrot love AirPods? He thought they were tiny white crackers he could eat.
14. What do you call a sheep in a Mannequin Challenge? “A Still-lamb.”
15. Why did the squirrel like 2016? Because “TikTok” (then Musical.ly) was starting to make people jump around like squirrels.
16. What’s an ant’s favorite 2016 movie? Captain America: Civil War (he knows all about colony infighting).
17. Why did the cat hate the “iPhone 7”? No headphone jack meant no wire to chew on.
18. What do you call a fish in Finding Dory? “A Forgetful-gill.”
19. Why did the dog bark at the “Amazon Echo Dot”? He thought a tiny hockey puck was talking to his owner.
20. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2016 song? “Work” (Rihanna… work, work, work, baaa, baaa, baaa).
21. Why did the pig use Pokémon GO? To find the “Ham-mander.”
22. What do you call a cloned sheep with AirPods? “Dolly-Wireless.”
23. Why did the bird hate 2016? Too many people staring at phones while walking—it’s like a human obstacle course.
24. What’s a horse’s favorite 2016 hobby? Doing the “Mannequin Challenge” during a race (he lost).
25. Why did the cat love Deadpool? She also enjoys breaking the fourth wall and chaotic violence.
26. What do you call a dragon in 2016? A “VR-Ready” fire-breather.
27. Why did the dog bark at the “Harambe” memes? He respected a legend when he saw one.
28. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2016 band? “The Chain-baaa-kers.”
29. Why did the monkey like the “Google Pixel” (launched 2016)? He liked the “limitless” storage for his banana photos.
30. What do you call a cow that likes Stranger Things? “Eleven-moo.”
31. Why did the squirrel hate “Pokémon GO”? Too many humans “luring” things in his favorite trees.
32. What’s a cat’s favorite 2016 tech? The “Oculus Rift” (she loves watching humans fall over in empty rooms).
33. Why did the dog like Zootopia? He wanted to know why the “Officer Hops” didn’t just fetch the criminals.
34. What do you call a group of ants in the “Upside Down”? “Demogorg-ants.”
35. Why did the parrot mimic the “Pokémon GO” nearby sound? To make his owner sprint into the kitchen.
36. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2016 song? “Starboy” (The Weeknd… but she’s a Star-baaa).
37. Why did the cat stare at the “Snapchat” filters? She was waiting for the “Human-to-Mouse” lens.
38. What do you call a dog that’s a fan of Suicide Squad? “Bark-ly Quinn.”
39. Why did the pig like Sausage Party? He didn’t—he found it to be a very disturbing horror movie.
40. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2016 gadget? The “Apple Watch Series 2” (it was waterproof—great for spills).
41. Why did the dog bark at the “Snap Spectacles”? He didn’t like his owner having eyes on the side of their head.
42. What do you call a cat on “Musical.ly”? “A Lip-sync-puss.”
43. Why did the bird join “Instagram Stories” (launched 2016)? To post “Vertical Songs.”
44. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2016 fashion? “Chokers” (she thought they were fancy collars).
45. Why did the dog like 2016? Because “Pokémon GO” meant 400% more walks.
46. What do you call a fish that uses AirPods? “A Fin-less-ly connected gill.”
47. Why did the cat hate the “Samsung Galaxy Note 7”? Because “exploding technology” is her job, not the phone’s.
48. What’s a squirrel’s favorite 2016 movie? The Jungle Book (remake).
49. Why did the parrot get a Nintendo Switch? To play “Breath of the Wild” (he likes the wind).
50. What do you call a cow that likes Westworld? “Dolores Moo-re.”
51. Why did the dog bark at the “Bottle Flip” challenge? He thought the water was trying to escape.
52. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2016 tech? “Google Assistant” (she liked the polite voice).
53. Why did the cat like Don’t Breathe? Because that’s her strategy when waiting for a moth.
54. What do you call a donkey on “Pokémon GO”? “An Ass-sh.”
55. Why did the bird like the “iPhone 7 Jet Black”? It was shiny enough to check his reflection.
56. What’s a dog’s favorite 2016 phrase? “Dab!” (He does it every time he sneezes).
57. Why did the squirrel hate “Pokémon GO”? The “Eggs” weren’t edible.
58. What do you call a cat in Stranger Things? “A Meow-morgon.”
59. Why did the pig like 2016? Because “Sing” (movie) made a pig a lead singer.
60. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2016 drink? “LaCroix” (it became huge in 2016).
61. Why did the dog bark at the movie Arrival? He didn’t like the giant space-squids.
62. What do you call a group of owls on a Mannequin Challenge? “A Parliament of Statues.”
63. Why did the cat like 2016? Because “Sierra” (macOS 10.12) finally brought Siri to her favorite sitting spot.
64. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2016 song? “Closer” (The Chainsmokers… he likes his seeds closer).
65. Why did the dog hate the “Note 7”? He didn’t want his “Hot Dog” pun to be literal.
66. What do you call a dragon that likes “Pokémon GO”? “A Charizard-impersonator.”
67. Why did the parrot join “Instagram Stories”? To “Filter” his squawks.
68. Why was 2016 a great year for a dog? Because the “Mannequin Challenge” meant humans were finally as still as he wanted them to be during a nap.
69. What do you call a horse that loves Rogue One? “Stable-rebel.”
70. Why did the dog bark at the “AirPods” case? He thought it was a box of digital dental floss.
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2016 tech? The “Google Home.”
72. Why did the squirrel love “Pokémon GO”? For the “Lure Modules” (he thought they were for nuts).
73. What do you call a cat that’s a fan of Bruno Mars? “24K-Magic-paws.”
74. Why did the bird hate 2016? Too many people doing “The Dab” and almost hitting him mid-air.
75. What’s a dog’s favorite 2016 toy? An “iPhone 7” box (still the best part).
76. Why was 2016 the peak for animals? Because “Harambe” proved that the internet will never forget a legend.
77. What do you call a cow in a “Mannequin Challenge”? “A Milk-shake-less cow.”
78. Why did the dog bark at the “Nintendo Switch”? Because he couldn’t decide if it was a tablet or a toy.
79. What do you call a cat that caught a “Mewtwo”? “A Legend-paws.”
80. Why did the owl love 2016? Because it was the year of the “Augmented-hoot.”
81. Why did the chicken cross the road in 2016? To get to the “PokéStop.”