74 Animal Jokes: The 1997 Beanie Marsupial Protocol

Welcome to 1997. The world went crazy for bean-filled plushies, James Cameron sank the Titanic, and the Pathfinder rover sent back the first dusty selfies from Mars. Even the animals this year seemed to have bigger ambitions.

The 1997 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. Why wouldn’t the dog board the Titanic? He knew a “bark” wasn’t as safe as a “lifeboat.”
2. What does a cat say while watching James Cameron’s movie? “I’m the king of the purr-ld!”
3. Why are Beanie Babies better than real pets? You don’t have to clean their “beans” off the carpet.
4. What did the Martian dog say to the Pathfinder rover? “Stop sniffing me, I don’t have any data there!”
5. Why was Dolly the sheep sad in 1997? Everyone was talking about Beanie Babies, and she felt like a “1996 model.”
6. What do you call a fish that sank on the Titanic? Leonardo DiCarp-rio.
7. Why did the hamster buy Apple stock in 1997? He heard Jobs was back and there would be new “bytes” to chew on.
8. What were cats doing on the internet in 1997? Waiting ten minutes for one picture of a mouse to load.
9. Why do cows hate the movie Twister? It’s the only film where flying cattle isn’t science fiction.
10. What is a Beanie Baby’s favorite game? Hide and seek (usually in a collector’s closet).

The Full 1997 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the dog bark at the Mars Pathfinder? He thought it was a very expensive frisbee.
12. What’s a Beanie Baby’s favorite movie? Toy Story (even though they are “investments”).
13. How do you know a cat is an artist in 1997? It only uses “Aqua” blue (because of the hit song).
14. Why did the parrot join the Spice Girls? It wanted to tell everyone what it “really, really wanted.”
15. What do you call a penguin on the Titanic? An ice-breaker.
16. Why was the digital dog jealous of Beanie Babies? No batteries required for a bean bag.
17. What did the Martian cat say to the Rover? “You missed a spot of dust.”
18. Why did the chicken cross the road in 1997? To get in line for the first Harry Potter book.
19. What’s a dog’s favorite Celine Dion song? “My Heart Will Growl On.”
20. Why did the squirrel invest in Beanie Babies? He heard they’d be worth “nuts” in the future.
21. What do you call a cloned sheep that’s tired of fame? “Dolly the Daily News.”
22. Why did the goldfish hate the 90s internet? Too many “Netscape” filters.
23. What’s a hamster’s favorite Men in Black gadget? The “Neural-hisser.”
24. Why did the spider build a web on the Pathfinder? To catch some space-flies.
25. What do you call a cow that survives a flood? A “Moo-mariner.”
26. Why did the dog wear a suit in 1997? He wanted to look like an Agent in Black.
27. What’s a Beanie Baby’s worst nightmare? A toddler with sticky fingers.
28. Why did the cat stare at the Mars photos? It was looking for the giant litter box.
29. How do you make a Titanic sandwich? You use “sub”-marine rolls and “ice”-berg lettuce for the rabbit.
30. Why did the owl love the 1997 chess match? Because Deep Blue was a “wise” machine.
31. What’s a sheep’s favorite 1997 band? The Verve (Bittersweet Sheep-hony).
32. Why did the pig go to the movies? To see Air Bud—he wanted to see a dog play sports.
33. What do you call a cat that can code in HTML? A “web-mewster.”
34. Why was the dog afraid of the 1997 digital pets? They never slept and they never fetched.
35. What’s a horse’s favorite 1997 fashion? The “Pony” tail.
36. Why did the bee like the Spice Girls? Because of “Bee-va” Forever.
37. What do you call a dog that knows everything about the Mars Rover? A “Space-hound.”
38. Why did the cat hate the Titanic movie? Too much water, not enough fish.
39. What’s a Beanie Baby’s favorite school subject? “Bean”-ometry.
40. Why did the chicken join the Men in Black? To protect the world from “egg-stra-terrestrials.”
41. What do you call a cloned sheep that likes to dance? “Dolly Parton” (The Remix).
42. Why did the dog bark at the DVD player in 1997? It missed the “chewiness” of the VHS tape.
43. What’s a rabbit’s favorite 1997 song? “MMMHop.”
44. Why did the cow want to go to Mars? To see if the moon was actually made of cheese.
45. What do you call a group of cats watching the Mars landing? A “mission purr-trol.”
46. Why did the spider love the 90s? The World Wide Web was finally big enough.
47. What’s a dog’s favorite part of Men in Black? The “Pug” agent.
48. Why did the Beanie Baby go to the doctor? It lost its “tag” (and its value).
49. What do you call a fish that knows martial arts? “The Karate Cod.”
50. Why did the cat sit on the computer in 1997? It was trying to catch the “Y2K bug” early.
51. What’s a sheep’s favorite 1997 tech? The “Ewe-S-B” drive.
52. Why did the hamster like The Fifth Element? He wanted a “multi-seed” pass.
53. What do you call a dog that travels in time? “Air Bud: The Past.”
54. Why did the bird like the new internet? It was full of “tweets”—ten years too early.
55. What’s a cow’s favorite 1997 movie? The Lost World: Moo-rassic Park.
56. Why did the dog think he was in The Matrix? Because he saw a black cat… and then another one.
57. What do you call a Beanie Baby that’s a detective? “Inspector Tag-et.”
58. Why did the elephant hate 1997? He couldn’t find cargo pants that fit his trunk.
59. What’s a cat’s favorite 1997 hobby? Collecting “Digital Mice” (cursors).
60. Why did the chicken cross the Mars crater? To see if there was life on the other side.
61. What do you call a sheep that’s an expert in 1997 history? A “baaa-rrister.”
62. Why did the dog like the 1997 Super Bowl? More snacks on the floor than usual.
63. What’s a Beanie Baby’s favorite drink? “Bean” tea.
64. Why did the cat hate the 56k modem? It interrupted his “mew-sical” downloads.
65. What do you call a dinosaur in 1997? An “antique.”
66. Why did the goat love Titanic? He enjoyed the “baaa-th.”
67. What’s a dog’s favorite 1997 snack? Fruit Loops.
68. Why did the parrot mimic the dial-up sound? To prank the humans into thinking they had a call.
69. What do you call a pig that knows about Mars? A “space-ham.”
70. Why did the spider join the internet in 1997? To check his “Inbox.”
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 1997 car? A “Lamb”-orghini.
72. Why did the cat like the Mars Rover? It was the ultimate “red dot” to chase.
73. What do you call a dog that collects Beanie Babies? A “hoarder.”
74. Why was 1997 a great year for animals? Because humans were too busy playing with “virtual” ones to bother them.