78 Animal Jokes: The 2006 Wii-mote & Dwarf Planet Protocol

Welcome to 2006. The year we all threw our TV remotes through the screen while playing Wii Sports, the year Pluto got demoted to a “dwarf planet” (which really upset the space-dogs), and the year Twitter launched—proving that humans can’t say anything useful in under 140 characters.

The 2006 Top 10: Animal Kingdom Classics

1. What happened when the border collie tried to play Wii Sports Tennis for the first time? He was so incredibly focused on the digital ball that he didn’t realize the “Wii-mote” wasn’t a real stick; he leaped through the air, performed a perfect mid-air interception, and ended up tangled in the wrist-strap, having successfully “retrieved” the family’s 42-inch plasma TV right onto the living room rug.
2. Why did the cat find the launch of Twitter in July 2006 to be completely redundant? She argued that she had been “tweeting” for years by simply walking across the laptop keyboard and sending cryptic, 140-character messages like “zzzzzz;;;;;;;/////” to her owner’s boss, which she felt was far more profound than anything a human could come up with about what they had for lunch.
3. How did the neighborhood dogs react to the news that Pluto was no longer a planet? They held an emergency meeting by the fire hydrant and decided that if humans could just “delete” a planet because it was too small, then the “Small Dog Park” was likely next on the chopping block, leading to a massive protest involving three pugs and a very confused Chihuahua in a NASA sweater.
4. Why was the owl so annoyed by the sudden popularity of the movie Snakes on a Plane? He spent the whole summer explaining to his friends that the title was a gross exaggeration of the logistical difficulties involved in reptile transportation, and that in his professional experience, a snake on a plane is just called “an in-flight meal with a very high altitude.”
5. What did the squirrel think about the launch of the “MacBook Pro” in 2006? He was impressed by the “MagSafe” power connector, realizing that if he had a similar magnetic system for his acorns, he wouldn’t spend 40% of his life digging up the wrong patch of dirt only to find a rusty bottle cap from 1994 and a sense of deep personal failure.
6. How did the house cat react to the “Lonelygirl15” YouTube scandal in 2006? She watched the reveal that the viral vlogger was actually a professional actress and simply yawned, noting that she had been pretending to love her owners for “treat-based” reasons since 1999 and was shocked it took humans this long to figure out that everything on the internet is a performance.
7. Why did the parrot get obsessed with the first Cars movie from Pixar? He spent the next six months mimicking the sound of a revving engine every time the dog walked into the room, eventually convincing the poor golden retriever that he was actually a 500-horsepower race car, causing the dog to attempt a “pit stop” in the middle of the kitchen.
8. What did the hamster say when his owner bought a “Nike+iPod” kit to track their running? “It’s adorable that you need a sensor in your shoe and a 1,000-song playlist just to run three miles, while I’m over here doing a half-marathon every night in a squeaky metal wheel fueled by nothing but a single dried cranberry and a dream.”
9. Why was the cow so confused by the debut of the “Nintendo DS Lite”? She saw the sleek, white handheld and thought it was a futuristic block of salt, but after one lick of the dual-screens, she decided that if technology doesn’t provide nutritional value, it’s probably just another way for humans to avoid looking at the beautiful pasture.
10. How did the dog react to the “Evolution of Dance” becoming the most viewed video on YouTube? He tried to recreate the “Macarena” and the “Thriller” segments in the backyard, but quickly realized that without opposable thumbs or a sense of rhythm, the “Evolution of Canine Dance” just looks like a dog trying to scratch an itch he can’t quite reach.

The Full 2006 Animal Archive (Extended List)

11. Why did the cat join Twitter? To “Follow” the bird.
12. What’s a dog’s favorite 2006 movie? The Pursuit of Happyness (he thinks it’s about a tennis ball).
13. Why did the parrot love the Nintendo Wii? He liked the “Mii” (it sounded like “Me! Me!”).
14. What do you call a sheep on Twitter? “A Follow-ewe.”
15. Why did the squirrel like 2006? Because “Blu-ray” sounded like a very shiny nut.
16. What’s an ant’s favorite 2006 movie? The Ant Bully (it was a horror film to him).
17. Why did the cat hate the Wii-mote? The wrist strap kept hitting her in the face.
18. What do you call a fish in Casino Royale? “James Pond.”
19. Why did the dog bark at Pluto? He heard it was a “dwarf” and thought it was a gnome.
20. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2006 song? “Hips Don’t Lie” (Shakira-baaa).
21. Why did the pig use Twitter? To post “Ham-tags.”
22. What do you call a cloned sheep with a Nintendo Wii? “Dolly-Sports.”
23. Why did the bird hate 2006? Too many “Tweets,” not enough “Seeds.”
24. What’s a horse’s favorite 2006 hobby? Browsing “Wiki-leaks” (for oat recipes).
25. Why did the cat love The Devil Wears Prada? She also enjoys judging everyone’s fashion choices.
26. What do you call a dragon in 2006? A “Wii-breather.”
27. Why did the dog bark at the Snakes on a Plane poster? He didn’t want to fly with “long squirrels.”
28. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2006 band? “The All-American Re-baaa-cts.”
29. Why did the monkey like the MacBook Pro? He liked the “Apple” on the back.
30. What do you call a cow that likes Twitter? “Moo-sk” (Wait, too early).
31. Why did the squirrel hate “Blu-ray”? He couldn’t fit the disc in his mouth.
32. What’s a cat’s favorite 2006 tech? The “Nintendo Wii” (chasing the pointer).
33. Why did the dog like Happy Feet? He wanted to know where the dancing birds got their rhythm.
34. What do you call a group of ants on Twitter? “A Micro-thread.”
35. Why did the parrot mimic the “Wii” menu music? To calm the cat down.
36. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2006 song? “Bad Day” (when she gets sheared).
37. Why did the cat stare at the “Wii” sensor bar? She thought it was a tiny, glowing mouse.
38. What do you call a dog that’s a fan of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest? “Captain Jack Spaniel.”
39. Why did the pig like The Hills? He heard there was a lot of mud.
40. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2006 gadget? The “SanDisk” MP3 player.
41. Why did the dog bark at the “Nike+” sensor? He thought the shoe was talking to him.
42. What do you call a cat that uses Twitter? “A Litter-ati.”
43. Why did the bird join YouTube in 2006? To watch “The Evolution of Wings.”
44. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2006 fashion? “Leg warmers” (made of her own wool).
45. Why did the dog like 2006? Because “Wii Bowling” meant more balls were “thrown” in the house.
46. What do you call a fish that uses a MacBook? “A Stream-er.”
47. Why did the cat hate the “Zune”? Even she knew it wasn’t going to last.
48. What’s a squirrel’s favorite 2006 movie? Over the Hedge (it was a documentary).
49. Why did the parrot get a Twitter account? To “retweet” his own squawks.
50. What do you call a cow that likes Grey’s Anatomy? “Moo-redith Grey.”
51. Why did the dog bark at the “Twitter” bird? He wanted to catch the logo.
52. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2006 tech? “Google SketchUp.”
53. Why did the cat like Borat? Because she also likes making people feel uncomfortable.
54. What do you call a donkey on Twitter? “An Ass-htag.”
55. Why did the bird like the “iPod Shuffle” (2nd Gen)? It was small enough to be a perch.
56. What’s a dog’s favorite 2006 phrase? “Is that your final answer?” (He still watched Millionaire).
57. Why did the squirrel hate “Pluto’s” demotion? He also felt small and overlooked.
58. What do you call a cat in Cars? “A Meow-queen.”
59. Why did the pig like 2006? Because “Ham-berry” was still a misheard joke for him.
60. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2006 drink? “Coke Zero.”
61. Why did the dog bark at the movie The Da Vinci Code? Too many puzzles, not enough walks.
62. What do you call a group of owls on Twitter? “A Hoot-suite.”
63. Why did the cat like 2006? Because “Snow Leopard” was being whispered about.
64. What’s a hamster’s favorite 2006 song? “Fergalicious” (he’s hamster-licious).
65. Why did the dog hate the “Wii-mote” safety warnings? He doesn’t like rules.
66. What do you call a dragon that likes Twitter? “A Fire-tweeter.”
67. Why did the parrot join the “Wii” craze? For the “Wii-fit” (to stay bird-enly).
68. Why was 2006 a great year for a dog? Because “YouTube” meant he could finally watch videos of mailmen falling.
69. What do you call a horse that loves Talladega Nights? “Ricky Hoof-y.”
70. Why did the dog bark at the “External Hard Drive”? He thought it was a box of digital bones.
71. What’s a sheep’s favorite 2006 tech? The “Nintendo DS Lite.”
72. Why did the squirrel love “Twitter”? For the short “bursts” of nut news.
73. What do you call a cat that’s a fan of Justin Timberlake? “Sexy-paws.”
74. Why did the bird hate 2006? Too many “Windows Vista” delays.
75. What’s a dog’s favorite 2006 toy? A “Wii-mote” (the ultimate forbidden stick).
76. Why did the pig like the year 2006? Because “Web 2.0” sounded like a new type of fence.
77. What do you call a sheep that’s a Twitter influencer? “The Wooly Trendsetter.”
78. Why was 2006 the peak for animals? Because humans were too busy trying to bowl in their living rooms to notice the dog ate the remote.