54 Kids Jokes: The 2012 “Mayan Calendar & Avengers Assemble” Edition

In 2012, we were too busy doing the “invisible horse” dance to worry about the apocalypse. It was the year of The Lorax, the debut of Gravity Falls, and the moment everyone realized that if you have a bow and arrow like Hawkeye, you’re officially a superhero.

The 2012 Top 10: The “Apocalypse & Assemble” Hits

1. The Avengers Assemble: Why did Thor go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a bit “Thor” (sore) after hitting Loki too hard.
2. The Gangnam Style Craze: Why did the pony cross the road? To show Psy how to do the “Gallop Style” properly.
3. The Wreck-It Ralph Logic: Why was Ralph so bad at school? Because he kept “breaking” the curve!
4. The Mayan Prophecy: Why did the kid bring a pillow to the “End of the World” party? Just in case the apocalypse was “tiring.”
5. The Call Me Maybe Fever: Why did the phone go to the library? Because it just met a book, and this is crazy, but here’s its number—read it, maybe?
6. The Temple Run Struggle: Why did the explorer go to the bank? To exchange all those gold coins he found while running for his life.
7. The Brave Adventure: Why did Merida bring a compass to the dinner table? She wanted to make sure she was “aiming” for the best portion of haggis.
8. The Madagascar 3 Circus: Why did the zebra join the circus? He heard they were looking for a “polka-dot” enthusiast (Afro-circus!).
9. The Lorax Wisdom: Why don’t trees use the internet? Because they find the “web” a bit too “shady.”
10. The Gravity Falls Mystery: Why did Dipper bring a flashlight to bed? To see if his dreams were “supernatural” or just weird.

The Full 2012 Kids Archive

11. What do you call a dinosaur that’s an expert at dancing Gangnam Style? A “K-Pop-asaurus.”
12. Why did the tablet go to the dentist? Because its “Bluetooth” was hurting.
13. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
14. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
15. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
16. Why did the banana go to the nurse? It wasn’t peeling well.
17. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
18. Why did the math book look so sad? It had too many problems.
19. What do you call a dog that does magic? A Labracadabrador.
20. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
21. What do you call a pile of kittens? A mew-ntain.
22. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
23. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
24. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
25. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
26. Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.
27. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
28. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
29. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A Zzz-rex.
30. Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
31. What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.
32. Why did the spider get a job on the internet? He was a great web designer.
33. What do you call a duck that’s a firecracker? A fire-quacker.
34. Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work over-time.
35. What do you call a cow that plays guitar? A moo-sician.
36. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because he ran out of juice.
37. What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-astrophe.
38. Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
39. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
40. Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed.
41. What do you call a snowman with a sunburn? A puddle.
42. Why did the skeleton go to the dance? To rattle some bones.
43. What do you call a dog that can tell time? A watch dog.
44. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
45. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
46. Why did the boy put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
47. What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
48. Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
49. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
50. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because her students were so bright.
51. What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop.
52. Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
53. What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
54. Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? It was over-booked.