2019 Vintage: The Uncut Gems

I told her I’m a high-stakes jeweler. She said, “You’re a ‘high-stakes’ procrastinator. Do the laundry.”

🔥 Top 10: The Marriage Humor Archive: 1995–2025

In 1997, marriage was about surviving the three-hour emotional ma...read more »

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.read more »

In 2014, marriage was about navigating the "Ice Bucket Challenge"...read more »

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.read more »

The eternal struggle for the perfect indoor climate.Marriage is j...read more »

I’m playing football in the kitchen. I tackled the refrigerator....read more »

I told them to clean their room. They just flickered and disappe...read more »

He’s drinking "Blue Sludge" to live to 150. I told him I can't h...read more »

Housework is a team sport, but someone is always on the bench.My ...read more »

Losing weight is easier when you have someone to suffer with.My w...read more »

I asked the new AI to "mediate" our argument about the thermosta...read more »

It turns red when I’m about to say something stupid. The house h...read more »

In 2011, marriage was about the high-stakes introduction of Siri ...read more »

Thinking about the future, one policy at a time.My wife took out ...read more »

@Sidekick_User11/28/2011 04:20Just flipped my phone open to show my friends!

@Lion_King_Simba09/17/2013 19:40Hakuna Matata! No worries, just laughs.

@Duke_Nukem_Quotes05/17/2008 11:56Shake it, baby! That is a funny one.

@Scanner_Darkly03/28/1998 01:12I’m scanning this into my brain forever.

@Patrick_Bateman_Fan11/28/2004 18:08Do you like Huey Lewis and the News? And jokes?

@Midi_Background12/15/2015 08:22Can you hear the MIDI music playing? I can!

@StrongBad_Mail12/26/1995 23:50I’m checking my email and I found a winner!

@Challenge_Acc12/06/2000 21:27Challenge Accepted! I will read them all!