It detects my snoring and tilts the mattress until I roll off onto the floor. My wife says it’s “Innovative.” I say it’s “Assault.”
Part of the 65 Marriage Jokes: The 2025 “GPT-5 & Digital Twins” Edition archive. Historically Verified
ADDED BY: Napster_Leech
✓ HUMAN VERIFIED CONTENT
✓ HUMAN VERIFIED CONTENT
🔥 Top 10: The Marriage Humor Archive: 1995–2025 Archive
1. 2007 Vintage: The Rock Band
Now we have a plastic drum set in the living room too. Our house looks like a toy store exploded... read more »
Now we have a plastic drum set in the living room too. Our house looks like a toy store exploded... read more »
2. 2019 Classic: The 6 Underground
I told her I’m a ghost. She said, "I wish you were, then you’d be quiet."Part of the 64 Marriage... read more »
I told her I’m a ghost. She said, "I wish you were, then you’d be quiet."Part of the 64 Marriage... read more »
3. 2025 Vintage: The Smart Doorbell
It won't let me in after 10 PM. It says, "User 'Husband' has exceeded his social quota for the d... read more »
It won't let me in after 10 PM. It says, "User 'Husband' has exceeded his social quota for the d... read more »
4. 1995 Archive: The Talk
"We need to talk." The four scariest words in the English language in 1995.Part of the 55 Marria... read more »
"We need to talk." The four scariest words in the English language in 1995.Part of the 55 Marria... read more »
5. 2010 Vintage: The Lost Finale
We spent six years watching that show. After the finale, my husband stared at the blank screen f... read more »
We spent six years watching that show. After the finale, my husband stared at the blank screen f... read more »
6. 2018 Legacy: The Grinch Remake
I told her my heart is two sizes too small. She said, "Your brain is three sizes too small if yo... read more »
I told her my heart is two sizes too small. She said, "Your brain is three sizes too small if yo... read more »
7. 57 Marriage Jokes: The 2016 “Pokémon GO & Election” Edition
In 2016, marriage was about the high-stakes diplomacy of the most divisive election in history, ... read more »
In 2016, marriage was about the high-stakes diplomacy of the most divisive election in history, ... read more »
8. 2015 Classic: The Status
Married. 2015. Still can't agree on the dress color.Part of the 64 Marriage Jokes: The 2015 “App... read more »
Married. 2015. Still can't agree on the dress color.Part of the 64 Marriage Jokes: The 2015 “App... read more »
9. 1995 Classic: The Anniversary (Part 2)
I forgot the date. She didn't. The penalty is a new set of patio furniture.Part of the 55 Marria... read more »
I forgot the date. She didn't. The penalty is a new set of patio furniture.Part of the 55 Marria... read more »
10. 2017 Legacy: The Flatliners
I told her I’m exploring the afterlife. She said, "Explore the backyard and pick up the dog poop... read more »
I told her I’m exploring the afterlife. She said, "Explore the backyard and pick up the dog poop... read more »
Warning: More Bad Jokes Ahead
Our Comment Archive
[2003-04-29 ARCHIVE_LOG]WebTV_Viewer: Reading this on my television! Technology is amazing!
[1997-07-20 ARCHIVE_LOG]Total_Recall_Fan: Get your ass to Mars! And take this joke!
[2007-11-27 ARCHIVE_LOG]Tina_Eat_Food: Tina, you fat lard, come read this!
[1996-07-06 ARCHIVE_LOG]Woman_Yelling_C: The cat is just sitting there laughing!
[2015-06-06 ARCHIVE_LOG]Delicious_Links: Bookmarking this for later. So delicious!
[1998-01-01 ARCHIVE_LOG]Newgrounds_User: Everything, by everyone! Especially laughs!
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[ DATA SYNCED WITH 1995-2025 LEGACY DATABASE ]
[ DATA SYNCED WITH 1995-2025 LEGACY DATABASE ]