51 Bar Jokes: The 2017 “Fidget Spinner & Bitcoin Boom” Edition

In 2017, the bar was divided into two groups: people trying to explain what a “blockchain” is, and people trying to forget the word “blockchain” existed. It was the year of the Wonder Woman hype, the rise of the “Salt Bae” pose, and the moment everyone realized that their $100 investment in a digital coin with a dog on it might actually buy them a round of drinks—or a house.

The 2017 Top 10: The “Crypto & Fidget” Jokes

1. The Bitcoin Investor: A guy walks into a bar and orders a round of the most expensive champagne for everyone. The bartender asks, “Big win at the casino?” The guy says, “No, Bitcoin just hit $15,000! I’m a genius!” Five minutes later, he checks his phone, turns pale, and asks, “Can I trade this champagne back for a small glass of tap water and a hug?”
2. The Fidget Spinner: A guy is spinning a piece of plastic on his thumb while ordering. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you when that thing stops, or when your attention span returns—whichever comes first.”
3. The Salt Bae: A guy orders a steak and starts sprinkling salt down his sweaty forearm onto the meat. The bartender says, “Sir, that’s a health code violation. Also, you’re just getting salt on your sleeve.”
4. The Despacito: The jukebox starts playing “Despacito” for the 500th time that day. A guy asks, “Do you know what the lyrics mean?” The bartender says, “I don’t care, as long as it means ‘drink slowly’ and ‘leave quietly’.”
5. The IT Movie: A guy walks into a bar dressed as a clown and holding a red balloon. The bartender says, “We don’t serve Pennywise here. The last time you were in, you kept trying to pull the customers into the sewer.”
6. The Wonder Woman: A woman walks in, crosses her silver gauntlets, and demands a drink. The bartender says, “I’ll give you a beer, but you have to use the Lasso of Truth to tell me if you’re actually going to tip this time.”
7. The Tide Pods: A guy walks in and asks, “Do you have anything that looks like laundry detergent but tastes like forbidden fruit?” The bartender says, “I have a Blue Hawaiian, but please don’t eat it. It’s 2017, I shouldn’t have to say that.”
8. The Shape of Water: A guy walks in with a creature from a swamp. The bartender says, “No pets.” The guy says, “It’s okay, we’re in a deep, romantic relationship.” The bartender sighs, “Fine, but if he leaks on the floor, you’re mopping it.”
9. The iPhone X: A guy tries to pay by staring at the cash register. The bartender says, “FaceID doesn’t work on my 1994 register, Steve. Use your card.”
10. The Ed Sheeran: A guy starts singing “Shape of You.” The bartender says, “I’m in love with the shape of… the ‘Exit’ sign. Please follow it.”

The Full 2017 Bar Archive (Selected Quality List)

11. The ICO Pitch: A guy tries to convince the bartender to invest in “Bar-Coin.” “It’s a decentralized ledger for pretzels!”
12. The Handmaid’s Tale: A woman in a red cloak walks in. The bartender says, “Under his eye… we have a 2-for-1 special on mimosas.”
13. The La La Land / Moonlight: The bartender announces a guy won the pool tournament, then says, “Wait, there’s a mistake. The other guy actually won.”
14. The Fidget Spinner Pro: A guy tries to spin three at once while drinking. He ends up wearing his beer.
15. The Kendrick Lamar: “Be humble.” “I’m trying, but this craft beer is 12% ABV.”
16. The Game of Thrones S7: “Is the dragon dead?” “No, but your chances with that girl are if you don’t stop talking about fan theories.”
17. The Get Out: A guy starts stirring his tea with a silver spoon. Everyone in the bar suddenly freezes.
18. The Rick and Morty: A guy walks in yelling “Szechuan Sauce!” The bartender says, “This is a tavern, not a fast-food drive-thru. Have a stout.”
19. The Twitter 280: A guy starts telling a story that’s twice as long as usual. The bartender says, “Just because you have 280 characters doesn’t mean you should use them all.”
20. The Justice League: A group of guys walk in. The bartender says, “You guys look expensive but somehow disappointing.”
21. The Dunkirk: A guy takes three hours to finish his drink. He says, “It’s about the tension and the survival!”
22. The Stranger Things 2: “Is that a Demogorgon?” “No, that’s just the bouncer when you haven’t paid your tab.”
23. The Coco: A guy starts singing to a skeleton. The bartender says, “We went through this with the ‘Skeleton walks into a bar’ joke in 1995. Move on.”
24. The Star Wars: The Last Jedi: A guy starts an argument about Luke Skywalker. The bar turns into a war zone in 4 seconds.
25. The Logan: An old guy with claws (well, long fingernails) orders a whiskey. “It’s been a long run, kid.”
26. The Thor: Ragnarok: A guy walks in with a hammer and says, “He’s a friend from work!” The bartender says, “The Hulk is still banned for breaking the pool table.”
27. The Baby Driver: A guy walks in with headphones on, perfectly syncing his drink sip to the beat.
28. The Blade Runner 2049: A guy asks, “Is this beer real or a replicant?” The bartender says, “If you can’t tell, does it matter?”
29. The Jumanji: A guy finishes his drink and yells, “I’ve finished the game!” He’s still in the bar.
30. The Lady Bird: A girl argues with her mom at the bar. The bartender says, “I’m not getting in the middle of this.”
31. The Craft Beer Peak: “This beer was aged in a barrel that once held a smaller, more expensive barrel.”
32. The Moscow Mule: Still here. Still copper. Still 2017’s favorite accessory.
33. The Old Fashioned: “Don Draper is gone, but the bitters remain.”
34. The White Russian: “The Dude survived the crypto boom.”
35. The Jägerbomb: The only “Block-chain” we care about is the line of empty shot glasses.
36. The Margarita: “Saltier than a guy who sold his Bitcoin at $3,000.”
37. The Tequila: One shot to forget the news, two to think you’re “Salt Bae.”
38. The Whiskey Sour: “As sour as a Reddit thread about Star Wars.”
39. The Dark and Stormy: “The official forecast for the 2017 economy.”
40. The Sex on the Beach: “Can I pay for this in Dogecoin?” “Get out.”
41. The Kamikaze: “To the year of the spin!”
42. The B-52: “Light it up like a rocket launch.”
43. The Mimosa: “The only way to survive the 280-character rants on Twitter.”
44. The Sangria: “Fruit, wine, and a lack of digital assets.”
45. The Draft Beer: “Non-fungible and ready to drink.”
46. The Coaster: A guy tries to use the coaster to mine for crypto.
47. The Bar Snack: “Are these nuts organic and blockchain-verified?”
48. The Ice Cube: “I’m a hand-carved ice diamond. I’m the peak of 2017 luxury.”
49. The Bottle Opener: “The only thing more reliable than a hard-drive wallet.”
50. The Bar Stool: “Reserved for the ‘HODL’ crowd.”
51. The 2017 Ending: “Next year will be better!” “That’s what you said about the fidget spinner,” says the bartender.