62 Bar Jokes: The 2008 “Financial Crisis & Iron Man” Edition

In 2008, bar talk shifted from “look at my cool new app” to “look at my disappearing 401k.” It was the year of the “iBeer” app (the ultimate 2008 bar party trick), the rise of the “Mixologist” who took 15 minutes to make one drink, and the debut of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. If you weren’t wearing a suit like Tony Stark, you were probably checking the stock market on your Blackberry and ordering the cheapest lager available.

The 2008 Top 10: The “Market Crash & Arc Reactor” Jokes

1. The iBeer App: A guy walks into a bar and starts tilting his iPhone towards his mouth. The bartender asks, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m drinking a virtual lager!” The bartender says, “Well, I’m going to give you a virtual tab. It costs $0, but you still can’t leave until you pay it.”
2. The Iron Man: A guy walks into a bar in a red and gold suit. The bartender asks, “Tony Stark?” The guy says, “No, I just can’t afford a car anymore, so I built this to fly to work.”
3. The Financial Crisis: A guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “That’ll be $7.” The guy says, “Can you break a trillion-dollar bailout check?”
4. The Dark Knight: A guy dressed as the Joker walks in and asks, “Why so serious?” The bartender says, “Because the Dow Jones just dropped 777 points, that’s why.”
5. The Mixologist: A guy asks for a Gin and Tonic. The bartender spends ten minutes hand-chipping ice from a block and misting the glass with artisanal botanical oils. The guy says, “I just wanted a drink, not a science fair project.”
6. The App Store: A guy says, “There’s an app that tells me if I’m too drunk to drive!” The bartender says, “It’s called ‘Me’, and you’re cut off.”
7. The Lehman Brothers: Two bankers walk into a bar. One says, “I’ll have a double.” The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve Lehman Brothers anymore. You’ve been liquidated.”
8. The Wall-E: A small robot rolls into a bar and starts crushing empty cans. The bartender says, “Finally, someone who cleans up after themselves!”
9. The Sarah Palin: A woman walks in and says, “I can see the brewery from my house!” The bartender says, “Great, go drink there then.”
10. The Olympic Games: A guy tries to do a 100-meter dash to the bathroom. The bartender says, “Relax, Usain Bolt, the toilet isn’t going anywhere.”

The Full 2008 Bar Archive (Extended List)

11. The Old Fashioned: “Don Draper made me do it.”
12. The Blackberry Bold: A guy is typing so fast his thumbs are smoking. The bartender says, “Emailing your boss or your broker?” “Both. They’re both crying.”
13. The Twilight: A guy walks in and says, “I’m a vampire.” The bartender says, “Great, then you won’t need a drink with a pulse.”
14. The Tropic Thunder: “I’m a lead farmer, motherf***er!” The bartender says, “Sir, this is a salad bar.”
15. The Indiana Jones 4: A guy tries to hide in the bar’s fridge to survive a nuclear blast. The bartender says, “Get out of the Heineken cooler, Indy.”
16. The Katy Perry: “I kissed a girl and I liked it!” The bartender says, “That’s nice, but she’s still going to want you to buy her a drink.”
17. The Kung Fu Panda: A panda walks into a bar and asks for “The Dragon Scroll.” The bartender hands him a menu.
18. The Slumdog Millionaire: A guy answers ten trivia questions correctly. The bartender says, “Is that your final answer?”
19. The Twitter 2008: “I’m at a bar. #beer #drunk #crisis.” The bartender says, “Your hashtags aren’t going to pay the bill.”
20. The Grand Torino: An old man stares at a group of kids. “Get off my bar stool.”
21. The Sex and the City Movie: Four women order Cosmos and complain that the movie was too long.
22. The App Store Launch: “I just downloaded an app that turns my phone into a flashlight!” The bartender says, “Or you could just look at the sun.”
23. The Beer Price: A guy says, “Beer is cheaper than gas!” The bartender says, “Drink enough of it and you won’t care about the commute.”
24. The Mad Men Season 2: Everyone is suddenly wearing skinny ties and drinking Canadian Club again.
25. The Iron Man Part 2: A guy asks for a “Stark Martini.” The bartender gives him a drink with a glow-stick in it.
26. The Stock Market: “My portfolio is like a cocktail—it’s mostly ice and it’s shrinking fast.”
27. The Facebook Wall: A guy tries to “Post” a picture on the bar’s actual wood wall with glue.
28. The YouTube 2008: “Look at this video of a cat playing a piano!” The bartender says, “The internet was a mistake.”
29. The Jägerbomb: Still the preferred drink of people who want to forget their bank account balance.
30. The Mojito: “Muddling through the recession, one leaf at a time.”
31. The Craft Beer Explosion: A guy asks for a beer that “smells like a pine tree and a wet dog.” The bartender says, “Ah, the new IPA.”
32. The Red Bull: “It gives you wings!” “In this economy, I’d rather have a parachute.”
33. The Stella Artois: “The fancy beer for people who still have jobs.”
34. The Corona: “Find your beach.” “I found it. It’s at the bottom of this bottle.”
35. The Guinness: A guy says, “Wait for the settle.” The bartender says, “I’m waiting for your credit card to be approved.”
36. The Tequila: A guy takes a shot and starts singing “Single Ladies.” He is a 50-year-old accountant.
37. The Whiskey Sour: “Like the taste of a subprime mortgage.”
38. The Manhattan: “A drink for the city that never sleeps… because it’s worried about the market.”
39. The Sidecar: “Where’s the motorcycle?” “I had to sell it to pay for the gin.”
40. The Rusty Nail: “The only thing more solid than the housing market.”
41. The Dark and Stormy: “The official drink of the 2008 economy.”
42. The Sex on the Beach: “Can we call it ‘Foreclosure on the Beach’?” “No.”
43. The Kamikaze: “To the falling stocks!”
44. The B-52: “Light it up like a bad investment.”
45. The Mimosa: “Because you can’t be sad about the news if you’re drinking at 10 AM.”
46. The Sangria: “Fruit and wine—the two things I can still afford.”
47. The Margarita: “Saltier than a banker who didn’t get a bonus.”
48. The Draft Beer: “Reliable, unlike my 401k.”
49. The Coaster: A guy uses it to calculate how much he lost today.
50. The Bar Snack: “Are these peanuts a government bailout?” “No, they’re 50 cents.”
51. The Ice Cube: “I’m melting faster than the ice caps… and the economy.”
52. The Bottle Opener: “The only thing that still works around here.”
53. The Bar Stool: “Reserved for the guy who lost it all.”
54. The Neon Sign: The ‘Bud’ sign is the only thing keeping the room lit.
55. The Karaoke: A guy sings “Viva La Vida” by Coldplay. “I used to rule the world…” The bartender sighs.
56. The Pool Table: A guy says, “I’m going to make a comeback.” He misses the first shot.
57. The Bouncer: “You’re too drunk for this recession.”
58. The Bartender’s Tip: “I take cash, I don’t take IOUs from banks.”
59. The Vodka Tonic: “Simple, like life before 2008.”
60. The Rum and Coke: “The Captain is still sailing, even if the market isn’t.”
61. The Wine List: “I’ll have the red. The one that matches the lines on the charts.”
62. The Closing Time: “Last call! Go home and check your bank statements in the dark!”