52 Bar Jokes: The 2012 “End of the World & Gangnam Style” Edition

In 2012, bar culture was a mix of apocalypse parties and the peak of the viral internet. It was the year of the London Olympics, the landing of the Curiosity rover on Mars, and the release of Skyfall. If you weren’t “Oppa Gangnam Style-ing” after four shots of tequila, you were probably arguing about whether the world was actually going to end on December 21st.

The 2012 Top 10: The “Apocalypse & Psy” Jokes

1. The Maya Calendar: A guy walks into a bar on December 20th and orders the most expensive whiskey on the shelf. The bartender asks, “Big spender, huh?” The guy says, “Well, either I’m celebrating the last night of humanity, or I’m going to be very broke and very hungover tomorrow.”
2. The Gangnam Style: A guy starts dancing like he’s riding a horse across the bar floor. The bartender says, “Oppa! Go home style!”
3. The Avengers: Six superheroes walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We have a Hulk-sized tab waiting for you guys.” Tony Stark says, “Put it on my card. I’m a billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and I need a shawarma with this scotch.”
4. The Curiosity Rover: A robot rolls into a bar on Mars. The bartender says, “We don’t get many of your kind here.” The rover says, “I’m just looking for signs of life… or at least a cold beer.”
5. The Skyfall: A guy walks into a bar and orders a Martini. The bartender asks, “Shaken or stirred?” The guy says, “Does it look like I give a damn? The world is falling and I’m just trying to look like Daniel Craig.”
6. The YOLO: A guy orders ten shots of Absinthe. The bartender asks, “Are you sure?” The guy yells, “YOLO!” (You Only Live Once). The bartender says, “True, but you’ll be wishing you lived zero times tomorrow morning.”
7. The London Olympics: A guy tries to pole-vault over the bar counter. The bouncer gives him a 9.5 for form but a 0 for common sense and throws him out.
8. The Grumpy Cat: A guy shows the bartender a photo of his cat. The bartender says, “He looks miserable.” The guy says, “No, he’s a viral sensation! He hates everything, especially your happy hour prices.”
9. The Facebook IPO: A guy tries to pay for his beer with Facebook stock. The bartender says, “I’ll take it, but by the time I pour this pint, it’ll probably be worth half a beer.”
10. The Bane: A guy walks in wearing a mask and mumbles, “You merely adopted the bar. I was born in it, molded by the happy hour.” The bartender says, “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, Tom. Take the mask off.”

The Full 2012 Bar Archive (Selected Quality List)

11. The Hunger Games: A group of people fight over the last bowl of free peanuts. The bartender yells, “May the odds be ever in your favor!”
12. The Kony 2012: A guy puts a poster on the bar wall. The bartender says, “I’m sure that will solve everything by next week.”
13. The Pinterest Wedding: A woman brings a mason jar and a piece of burlap to the bar. The bartender says, “I’m just a mixologist, not a wedding planner.”
14. The Instagram Filter: “Why does my beer look like it was taken in 1974?” “It’s the ‘Earlybird’ filter, pal. It makes bad choices look artistic.”
15. The Magic Mike: A guy starts taking his shirt off at the bar. The bartender says, “Unless you’re getting paid in dollar bills, keep it on.”
16. The Ted: A guy walks in with a teddy bear. The bear orders a beer and swears at the bartender. The bartender says, “Finally, a customer with some personality.”
17. The Felix Baumgartner: A guy stands on top of a bar stool and jumps off. He says, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for my blood alcohol level.”
18. The Call Me Maybe: A girl hands the bartender a napkin with her number and says, “This is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe?” The bartender says, “Only if you pay your tab, definitely.”
19. The Twilight Finale: “It’s finally over!” A guy cheers. The bartender says, “The vampires or the recession?” “Both!”
20. The Game of Thrones: “Valar Morghulis,” a guy says to the bartender. The bartender replies, “Valar Dohaeris—all men must serve. What do you want to drink?”
21. The Life of Pi: A guy walks in with a tiger. The bartender says, “We’ve been through this in 2009. No tigers.”
22. The Prometheus: A guy spends three hours asking the bartender who created the beer. The bartender says, “A guy named Dave in Milwaukee. Now drink it.”
23. The Brave: A guy with a thick Scottish accent and wild red hair orders a whiskey. The bartender says, “Change your fate, order a water.”
24. The Wreck-It Ralph: A guy accidentally breaks the bar top. He says, “I’m gonna wreck it!” The bartender says, “I’m gonna charge you for it!”
25. The Django Unchained: A guy walks in and the bartender says, “The ‘D’ is silent.” The guy says, “So is my wallet, give me a cheap bourbon.”
26. The Les Misérables: A guy starts singing about his problems in a dramatic falsetto. The bartender says, “One day more… of this and I’m quitting.”
27. The Pitch Perfect: A group of girls start an a cappella version of their drink order.
28. The Dark Knight Rises: “Why do we fall, Bruce?” “So we can get back up and find the happy hour.”
29. The Hobbit: A guy walks in and says, “I’m going on an adventure!” The bartender says, “The bathroom is to the left.”
30. The Silver Linings Playbook: A guy tells the bartender his life story. The bartender says, “Excelsior! You’re still cut off.”
31. The Skyfall Martini: “Shaken, not stirred.” “It’s a beer, James. I’m not shaking a Heineken.”
32. The Gangnam Style Part 2: A guy tries to do the dance and knocks over a tray of drinks. The bartender says, “Now that’s a ‘Crash-nam Style’.”
33. The 50 Shades of Grey: A woman asks for a “Kinky Cocktail.” The bartender gives her a drink with a zip-tie on the straw.
34. The Higgs Boson: The God Particle walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve Higgs Bosons here.” The particle says, “But without me, the beer would have no mass!”
35. The Curiosity Rover Part 2: “Everything is red here.” “That’s just the neon sign, buddy.”
36. The London Fog: A guy orders a London Fog. The bartender says, “This is 2012, we serve London Olympics—it’s mostly sweat and overpriced tickets.”
37. The YOLO Part 2: A guy yells “YOLO” before trying to eat the decorative plastic fruit.
38. The Maya Calendar Part 2: A guy asks, “Is it the end of the world yet?” The bartender checks his watch. “Not for another hour. Plenty of time for a double.”
39. The Craft Beer Snob: “Is this locally sourced?” “It was brewed 10 feet away. I can literally hear the yeast fermenting.”
40. The Moscow Mule: Still in the copper mug. Still the favorite of people who like to feel “vintage.”
41. The Old Fashioned: “Mad Men is still on, so I’m still drinking this.”
42. The White Russian: “The Dude is 2012-compliant.”
43. The Cosmopolitan: “A drink from a simpler time… like 2004.”
44. The Jägerbomb: The only thing the Mayans couldn’t destroy.
45. The Margarita: “Saltier than a guy who didn’t get tickets to the Olympics.”
46. The Tequila: One shot to dance, two shots to dance like Psy.
47. The Whiskey Sour: “As sour as the face of a guy who just realized the world isn’t ending and he has to go to work tomorrow.”
48. The Dark and Stormy: “Like the Mayans’ prediction.”
49. The Closing Time: “Last call! If the world ends tonight, see you on the other side. If not, see you at 4 PM for happy hour!”
50. The 2012 Ending: “We survived!” A guy cheers at midnight. The bartender says, “Great. Now pay your tab before the next apocalypse.”
51. The Meme Era: A guy says “Success Kid” when his card actually gets approved.
52. The New Year’s Resolution: “In 2013, I’m going to stop doing the horse dance. Maybe.”