Q: What did the doctor say to the panicked man who was afraid he was shrinking?
A: Settle down—you’ll have to learn to be a little patient!
🔥 Top 10: The Dad Joke Archive (1995-2025)
Kid: I’m cold. Dad: Then go...
Kid: I’m cold.
Dad: Then go sit in the corner—it’s 90 degrees!read more »
Q: Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s...
Q: Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?
A: It’s a big waist ...read more »
45 Original Dad Jokes: The 2021 "Ever Given" Edition
In 2021, we were all a little stuck—much like a giant cargo ship ...read more »
Q: Why did the golfer bring...
Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
A: In case he go...read more »
Why did the computer catch a cold?
It left its Windows open.read more »
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
Because they’re shellfish.read more »
Why did the invisible man turn down the job?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.read more »
Kid: I’m hungry. Dad: Hi Hungry,...
Kid: I’m hungry.
Dad: Hi Hungry, I’m Dad.read more »
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.read more »
Q: Where do penguins keep their...
Q: Where do penguins keep their money?
A: In a snowbank!read more »
😜 More from category: The Dad Joke Archive (1995-2025)
49 Original Dad Jokes: The 2024 "Olympic Spirit" Edition
In 2024, the world met in Paris for a summer of record-breaking f...read more »
Why don't oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.read more »
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.read more »
Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?
He was outstanding in his field.read more »
⏳ Time Capsule: This is how we rolled in the first two decades of the internet
Better than any comedy I rented last Friday.
The first rule of joke club is... tell everyone!
I only speak two languages: English and Bad Jokes.
Nobody fucks with the Jesus! (Great joke).
Hacking into the comedy mainframe.
First! And it’s funny!