77 Bar Jokes: The 2004 “Facebook & Mean Girls” Edition

In 2004, bar conversations started to shift. Instead of settled bets, people were talking about their “Wall” and “Poking” each other. It was the year of the Pink Margarita (but only on Wednesdays), the rise of the “Mojito” as the king of summer, and the constant sound of Motorola Razr ringtones. If you weren’t wearing a trucker hat and sipping something sugary, were you even in 2004?

The 2004 Top 10: The “Social Network & Pink” Jokes

1. The Facebook: A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Can I ‘poke’ you?” The bartender says, “Do that again and I’ll ‘block’ you from the bar permanently.”
2. The Mean Girls: Three girls walk into a bar on a Wednesday. The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you.” The girls ask, “Why?” The bartender says, “You’re not wearing pink. You can’t sit with us.”
3. The Motorola Razr: A guy flips his phone open with a dramatic snap to order a beer. The bartender says, “Is that a phone or are you trying to start a butterfly effect?”
4. The Lost: A guy walks into a bar and looks confused. The bartender asks, “Are you lost?” The guy says, “Yes, and I’m pretty sure there’s a polar bear in the back room and a mysterious hatch under the pool table.”
5. The Usher: A guy walks in and starts singing “Yeah!” The bartender says, “Yeah! That’ll be seven dollars! Yeah!”
6. The iPod Mini: A guy shows off his neon-colored iPod Mini. The bartender says, “It’s cute. Does it come with a matching purse for your pride?”
7. The Spider-Man 2: A guy tries to stop a departing beer mug with a strand of dental floss. The bartender says, “You’re not Tobey Maguire, and that’s not web-slinging. That’s just a mess.”
8. The Shrek 2: A donkey walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve talking animals.” The donkey says, “But I’m making waffles!”
9. The Anchorman: A guy walks in and yells, “I’m kind of a big deal!” The bartender says, “Great, then you won’t mind paying for everyone’s round, Mr. Burgundy.”
10. The Gmail: A guy asks for a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, this bar is currently ‘Invite Only’, just like that new Google mail thing.”

The Full 2004 Bar Archive (Extended List)

11. The Mojito Madness: The bartender says, “I’ve muddled enough mint today to start a forest. Please, just order a whiskey.”
12. The Trucker Hat: A guy in a Von Dutch hat orders a PBR. The bartender says, “Irony is $5 extra.”
13. The Napoleon Dynamite: A guy asks for “Tots.” The bartender says, “We have fries.” The guy whispers, “Gosh!”
14. The White Chicks: Two guys walk in dressed as blonde women. The bartender says, “I’ve seen this movie, and I’m still not giving you free drinks.”
15. The Green Day: A guy orders a drink and says, “Wake me up when September ends.” The bartender says, “It’s October 1st. Pay your tab.”
16. The Hoobastank: The jukebox plays “The Reason.” A guy says, “I’m not a perfect person.” The bartender says, “We know, you haven’t tipped all night.”
17. The MySpace Top 8: A guy tells the bartender, “You’re moving down to number 5 on my Top 8.” The bartender pours half a beer and says, “You’re moving down to ‘Last Call’ on my list.”
18. The Low-Carb Beer: A guy orders a Mich Ultra. The bartender says, “One yellow water for the man who fears bread.”
19. The Red Bull Rising: A guy says, “I’ve had six Red Bulls. I can hear colors.” The bartender says, “The color you’re hearing is ‘Go Home’.”
20. The Doom 3: A guy walks in and asks, “Why is it so dark in here?” The bartender says, “It’s for the atmosphere.” The guy says, “I need a flashlight, but I can’t hold it and my drink at the same time!”
21. The Halo 2: A guy says, “I’m a Master Chief in the bedroom.” The bartender says, “And a Master Grief at the bar. Sit down.”
22. The Sky Captain: A guy orders a drink and says it looks “sepia-toned.” The bartender says, “That’s just the dirty glass.”
23. The Incredibles: A guy walks in with a red suit. The bartender asks, “Where’s your super suit?” The guy says, “My wife hid it!”
24. The Pussycat Dolls: A girl asks, “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” The bartender says, “I wish my customers were quiet like her.”
25. The Blackberry 7100: A guy is “typing” with one hand. The bartender says, “Are you texting or having a twitch?”
26. The Nintendo DS: A guy is tapping two screens at once. The bartender says, “If you want to play with something, try the coasters.”
27. The Lost Ending: A guy says, “I bet they’re all dead.” The bartender says, “I bet you’ll be if you don’t stop spoiling the show.”
28. The Passion of the Christ: A guy orders a water and waits for a miracle. The bartender says, “That’ll be $4 for the glass.”
29. The Fahrenheit 9/11: A guy starts a political argument. The bartender says, “The only documentary I care about is the one where you finish your drink and leave.”
30. The Kill Bill Vol. 2: A woman orders a “Five Point Palm Exploding Heart” shot. The bartender says, “I can give you a tequila, but you have to walk out on your own.”
31. The Ray: A guy wears sunglasses inside. The bartender says, “Unless you’re Jamie Foxx, take them off.”
32. The Million Dollar Baby: A guy orders a drink and says, “Mo cuishle.” The bartender says, “Bless you.”
33. The Sideways: A guy yells, “I am NOT drinking any Merlot!” The bartender pours it into a coffee mug and says, “There, it’s ‘juice’ now.”
34. The National Treasure: A guy starts looking under the bar stools. The bartender asks, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “Looking for the Declaration of Independence.”
35. The Lemony Snicket: A guy says, “This bar is a series of unfortunate events.” The bartender says, “Starting with you walking in.”
36. The Dodgeball: A guy throws a peanut at another guy. The bartender says, “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ban!”
37. The Shark Tale: A guy asks for a “Vegetarian Shark” drink. The bartender gives him a glass of kelp juice.
38. The Notebook: A guy starts crying over a beer. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The guy says, “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird!”
39. The Saw: A guy wakes up chained to the bar stool. The bartender says, “I want to play a game. It’s called ‘Pay Your Tab’.”
40. The Alien vs. Predator: A guy asks, “Who would win in a fight?” The bartender says, “The bouncer. Every time.”
41. The Catwoman: A woman walks in in a leather suit. The bartender says, “The litter box is in the back.”
42. The Euro 2004: A Greek guy walks in and wins the pool tournament. No one saw it coming.
43. The Olympic Games: A guy tries to do a floor routine on the bar. The bartender gives him a 2.0 and a “Get Out” card.
44. The Ashlee Simpson: A guy starts singing, then the CD skips. The bartender says, “Nice lip-sync, pal.”
45. The Destiny’s Child: Three girls order one drink. The bartender says, “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”
46. The Snoop Dogg: A guy orders a “Drop It Like It’s Hot.” The bartender drops the drink on the floor. “That’ll be $9.”
47. The Maroon 5: A guy says, “She will be loved.” The bartender says, “Not at 3 AM she won’t.”
48. The Kelly Clarkson: “Since U Been Gone, I’ve been drinking better beer.”
49. The Franz Ferdinand: A guy asks, “Take me out!” The bartender says, “Gladly,” and points to the exit.
50. The Scissor Sisters: A guy orders a “Filthy/Gorgeous.” The bartender says, “I’ll give you the filthy, the gorgeous is up to you.”
51. The Jet: A guy orders a beer and yells, “Are you gonna be my girl?” The bartender says, “I’m a 45-year-old man named Gary. So, no.”
52. The Keane: A guy says, “This is the last time.” The bartender says, “You said that five drinks ago.”
53. The Snow Patrol: A guy says, “Run.” The bartender says, “Only if you’re being chased by the tab.”
54. The Killers: A guy asks, “Are we human, or are we dancer?” The bartender says, “You’re drunk, and you’re a bad singer.”
55. The Gwen Stefani: A girl orders a “Hollaback Girl.” The bartender says, “This drink is B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”
56. The Kanye West: A guy interrupts someone else’s order and says, “Yo, I’m happy for you, but this is the best beer of all time!” The bartender says, “Sit down, Kanye.”
57. The OutKast: “Roses really smell like poo-poo-oo.” The bartender says, “Sir, that’s the bathroom you’re describing.”
58. The Twista: A guy orders a drink really, really fast. The bartender says, “Slow down, I’m not a computer.”
59. The Ciara: A girl starts doing the “1, 2 Step.” The bartender says, “That’s 1, 2 steps toward the door.”
60. The Terror Squad: “Lean Back!” The bartender says, “If you lean back any further, you’ll fall off the stool.”
61. The JoJo: A guy says, “Leave (Get Out).” The bartender says, “Finally, an order I can follow!”
62. The Hoobastank Part 2: “I’ve found a reason for me…” The bartender says, “To pay your bill?”
63. The Evanescence: “Bring me to life!” The bartender hands him a double espresso.
64. The Nickelback Part 2: “Look at this photograph!” The bartender says, “It’s a blurry picture on a tiny screen. It’s terrible.”
65. The Black Eyed Peas: “Let’s get it started in here!” The bartender says, “The only thing starting is my headache.”
66. The Britney Spears: “Toxic!” The bartender says, “That’s what I call my home-brewed gin.”
67. The Joss Stone: A guy asks for a “Soulful” drink. The bartender gives him a bourbon.
68. The Razor Phone Part 2: A guy tries to shave with his phone. The bartender says, “It’s a brand name, not a tool.”
69. The Facebook Wall: A guy starts writing on the bar with a Sharpie. The bartender asks, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m posting on your wall.”
70. The Friends Ending: A guy says, “It’s over! They all left the keys!” The bartender cries.
71. The Sex and the City Ending: A girl says, “She ended up with Big!” The bartender says, “I’m shocked. Truly.”
72. The Frasier Ending: A guy says, “I’m listening.” The bartender says, “I’m pouring.”
73. The iPod Battery Part 2: A guy asks for a charger. The bartender says, “I have one for a Nokia, a Motorola, and a Sony Ericsson. Yours isn’t here.”
74. The MySpace Top 8 Part 2: A guy asks the bartender to be his “Tom.” The bartender says, “I’m everyone’s friend until the tab is due.”
75. The 2004 Election: A guy says, “I voted!” The bartender says, “Congratulations. Now vote for what kind of beer you want.”
76. The Closing Time: “Last call! Go home and check your digital cameras!”
77. The 2004 Ending: A guy leaves and says, “Next year, I’m going to upload a video to the internet!” The bartender says, “Good luck with that, Spielberg.”