56 Bar Jokes: The 2014 “Ice Bucket Challenge & World Cup” Edition

In 2014, the bar was a place where you didn’t just drink—ids you were either doing the “Ice Bucket Challenge” for charity or screaming at the TV because of a goal in Rio. It was the year of the “Lumbersexual” (the hipster grew a bigger beard and started wearing flannel), the rise of the Tinder “swipe left” culture at the stool, and the moment everyone realized that craft beer had officially taken over the world.

The 2014 Top 10: The “Cold Water & Brazilian Goals” Jokes

1. The Ice Bucket Challenge: A guy walks into a bar and dumps a bucket of ice water over his head. The bartender says, “You know you could have just asked for a cold beer, right?” The guy shivers, “But if I don’t post it on Facebook, did I even raise awareness?”
2. The Tinder Swipe: A guy is sitting at the bar, swiping his thumb across the counter. The bartender asks, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m trying to ‘swipe left’ on this beer. It looked better in its profile picture.”
3. The Brazil vs. Germany: A guy walks into a bar and orders seven shots of Jagermeister and one beer. The bartender asks, “Celebrating something?” The guy says, “No, I’m just reenacting the World Cup semi-final. I’m the seven shots, my dignity is the beer.”
4. The Pharrell’s Hat: A guy walks in wearing a giant, oversized mountain hat. The bartender says, “Sir, you look like you’re ‘Happy’, but your hat is taking up three bar stools. Take it off.”
5. The Lumbersexual: A guy with a massive beard, a flannel shirt, and pristine leather boots walks in. The bartender asks, “Did you just come from the forest?” The guy says, “No, I just spent three hours at a boutique barber and I work in IT. Give me a smoked porter.”
6. The Guardians of the Galaxy: A guy walks in with a raccoon and a small potted plant. The bartender says, “No pets.” The guy says, “He’s not a pet, he’s an assassin, and the plant is the DJ. We’re here for the ‘Awesome Mix’!”
7. The Kim Kardashian’s Paper: A girl tries to balance a champagne glass on her back. The bartender says, “If you break the internet or my glassware, you’re paying for both.”
8. The Interstellar: A guy orders a drink and says, “I’ll be back in five minutes.” He comes back three hours later. The bartender says, “You’re late.” The guy says, “On that planet by the black hole, those five minutes were 20 years. I’m actually your grandfather now.”
9. The GoPro: A guy has a camera strapped to his head while drinking a pint. The bartender asks, “Extreme sports?” The guy says, “No, I just want to see the ‘Point of View’ of me getting a hangover.”
10. The Uber Arrival: A guy says, “My car is here!” The bartender says, “You didn’t call a cab.” The guy says, “I pressed a button on my magic glowing rectangle. The future is here, Gary.”

The Full 2014 Bar Archive (Selected Quality List)

11. The Gluten-Free Beer: “Does this beer have wheat?” “It’s a Hefeweizen, Steve. It’s 90% wheat.” “Oh, then I’ll have the pizza instead.”
12. The Godzilla: A guy orders a “King of Monsters” drink. The bartender gives him a giant pitcher and sets the bar on fire.
13. The Maleficent: A woman with horns walks in. The bartender says, “I don’t care how misunderstood you are, you still have to show ID.”
14. The John Wick: A guy walks in and orders a bourbon. The bartender says, “I heard someone killed your dog.” The guy’s eyes go cold. The whole bar suddenly goes very, very quiet.
15. The Lego Movie: “Everything is awesome!” “Except your tab, Bob. Your tab is a disaster.”
16. The Birdman: A guy walks through the bar in his underwear. The bartender says, “Going for the Oscar, or did you just lose a bet?”
17. The Whiplash: The drummer in the bar band misses a beat. The bartender yells, “NOT QUITE MY TEMPO!”
18. The Flappy Bird: A guy throws his phone against the wall. The bartender says, “Let me guess… you hit the green pipe again?”
19. The Apple Watch: A guy keeps talking to his wrist. The bartender says, “If you’re talking to a spy, cool. If you’re checking your heart rate, get a life.”
20. The U2 Album: A guy says, “There’s music on my phone I didn’t put there!” The bartender says, “The Guinness is free today, too. No one asked for it, but here it is.”
21. The Ebola Scare: A guy coughs. The bartender hands him a hazmat suit and a shot of vodka. “Sanitize from the inside out.”
22. The Hozier: “Take me to church!” “The church is closed, but the bar is open. Sit down.”
23. The Meghan Trainor: “All about that bass, no treble.” “Great, then you won’t mind that the jukebox’s speakers are blown.”
24. The Sia: A girl with a giant blonde wig walks in and stands in the corner. The bartender asks, “What do you want?” She says, “I’m just swinging from the chandelier.” “Not in here, you aren’t. Insurance won’t cover it.”
25. The Grand Budapest Hotel: A guy asks for a “Mendl’s” cake with his beer.
26. The Gone Girl: A guy asks, “Have you seen my wife?” The bartender says, “She was here, but she left a very confusing diary and a lot of blood. You might want to run.”
27. The Boyhood: A guy sits at the bar for 12 years. The bartender says, “You’ve grown so much, but you still haven’t tipped.”
28. The Mockingjay: A girl starts whistling four notes. The whole bar whistles back. The bartender says, “The revolution will be televised, but the revolution also needs to pay for its mojitos.”
29. The Nightcrawler: A guy starts filming a bar fight. The bartender says, “If it bleeds, it leads… you right out the door.”
30. The American Sniper: A guy doesn’t miss a single shot. The bartender says, “Impressive, but you’re still not getting a free round.”
31. The Craft Beer Snob: “Does this have hints of 2014 nostalgia?” “It has hints of ‘shut up and drink’, Kevin.”
32. The Moscow Mule: The copper mug is now the official uniform of the 2014 bar scene.
33. The Old Fashioned: “Still drinking like a 60s ad man?” “Always.”
34. The White Russian: “The Dude is eternal, even in the era of 4K.”
35. The Jägerbomb: Because some things never go out of style, unfortunately.
36. The Margarita: “Saltier than a Brazil fan after the 7-1.”
37. The Tequila: One shot to forget the Ice Bucket Challenge, two to join in.
38. The Whiskey Sour: “As sour as a guy who just got ‘swiped left’ by his dream girl.”
39. The Dark and Stormy: “The official forecast of 2014.”
40. The Sex on the Beach: “Can I Snapchat this?” “If you must.”
41. The Kamikaze: “To the year of the beard!”
42. The B-52: “Light it up like a new smartphone launch.”
43. The Mimosa: “The Sunday morning cure for a Saturday night Tinder date.”
44. The Sangria: “Fruit, wine, and the hope that Spain wins the next one.”
45. The Draft Beer: “Cold, fresh, and zero calories… if you lie to yourself.”
46. The Coaster: A guy tries to use the coaster to pay with Apple Pay.
47. The Bar Snack: “Are these pretzels sustainable?” The bartender rolls his eyes.
48. The Ice Cube: “I’m hand-cut. I’m the diamond of the drink.”
49. The Bottle Opener: “Old school tech in a high-tech world.”
50. The Bar Stool: “Reserved for the guy with the most ‘likes’ on his beard photo.”
51. The Neon Sign: “The only thing more ‘Retro’ than my flannel shirt.”
52. The 2014 Ending: “Next year we get Star Wars back!” “And more craft beer,” says the bartender.
53. The New Year’s Resolution: “In 2015, I’m going to finally delete Flappy Bird.”
54. The Hobbit Finale: “One last time into the bar!” “It’s been a long journey, Bilbo. Have a pint.”
55. The Sam Smith: “Stay with me…” “The bar is closing, Sam. You have to leave.”
56. The Frozen Part 2: “Do you want to build a snowman?” “No, I want to build a tab. Get me a vodka.”