71 Bar Jokes: The 2002 “Spider-Man & Euro Currency” Edition

In 2002, the bar scene was a mix of superhero hype and the birth of the “American Idol” obsession. If you weren’t arguing about whether Tobey Maguire was the perfect Peter Parker, you were probably trying to sing “A Thousand Miles” on karaoke night. It was the year of the camera phone (though the photos looked like blurry blobs) and the rise of the “Energy Cocktail” as a standard order.

The 2002 Top 10: The “Web-Slinger & Idol” Jokes

1. The Spider-Man: A guy walks into a bar and starts climbing the wall. The bartender asks, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “My spider-sense is tingling!” The bartender says, “That’s not spider-sense, that’s just the tequila hitting your empty stomach. Get down.”
2. The American Idol: A guy starts singing his drink order. The bartender says, “It’s a ‘no’ from me, dawg. You’re pitchy, and you’re barred for the night.”
3. The Euro: A European tourist tries to pay with a brand new Euro coin in a New York bar. The bartender says, “What’s this? Monopoly money for the whole continent?”
4. The Camera Phone: A guy takes a picture of the bartender with his new Nokia 7650. The bartender asks, “Why does my face look like a pile of eight-bit bricks?”
5. The Nickelback: The jukebox starts playing “How You Remind Me.” A guy starts crying into his beer. The bartender says, “It’s okay, pal. It reminds everyone of how much they need another drink.”
6. The Kelly Clarkson: A girl orders a shot and yells, “A moment like this!” The bartender says, “Yeah, a moment like this usually leads to a headache like that tomorrow.”
7. The Bourne Identity: A guy walks into a bar and says, “I don’t know who I am!” The bartender says, “You’re the guy who hasn’t paid his tab since 1999. Nice try, Jason.”
8. The Low-Rise Problems: A girl in low-rise jeans tries to pick up her drink from the floor. The bartender says, “Careful, you’re one inch away from a wardrobe malfunction and a lifetime ban.”
9. The Osbournes: A guy walks in and starts mumbling incoherently. The bartender says, “Ozzy? Is that you? Or did you just have too many Jägerbombs?”
10. The Star Wars Episode II: A guy orders a drink and says, “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.” The bartender says, “Sir, this is a salt rim for a Margarita. Take it or leave it.”

The Full 2002 Bar Archive (Extended List)

11. The Appletini Obsession: A guy orders an Appletini and says, “It’s the official drink of the future.” The bartender says, “The future looks very green and very sugary.”
12. The Wi-Fi: A guy asks, “Do you have Wi-Fi?” The bartender says, “We have beer-fi. The signal is strongest near the taps.”
13. The iPod 2nd Gen: A guy shows off his new iPod with the touch wheel. The bartender says, “Great, now you can skip songs you don’t like twice as fast.”
14. The Minority Report: A guy tries to order a drink by waving his hands in the air. The bartender says, “I’m not Tom Cruise, and those aren’t holograms. Just use your words.”
15. The Red Bull Mania: A guy orders a “Double Red Bull Vodka.” The bartender says, “So you want to have a heart attack while you’re dancing? Sure thing.”
16. The Eminem: A guy stands up and says, “Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?” Five guys stand up. The bartender says, “Great, all five of you owe me for that last round.”
17. The Harry Potter 2: A guy asks for a “Chamber of Secrets” cocktail. The bartender gives him a mystery shot and says, “The secret is, it’s mostly gin.”
18. The Lord of the Rings: A guy says, “I’ve been waiting a year for the sequel!” The bartender says, “I’ve been waiting ten minutes for you to order.”
19. The Euro Trip: A guy says, “I’m going to Europe to spend my new Euros.” The bartender says, “Bring back some beer that doesn’t taste like water, please.”
20. The Nelly: A guy walks in with a Band-Aid on his cheek. The bartender asks, “Nelly fan or did you trip?”
21. The Avril Lavigne: A girl walks in with a tie over a t-shirt. The bartender says, “Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated? Just order a beer.”
22. The Bluetooth Headset: A guy is talking to his ear. The bartender says, “If you’re talking to a ghost, fine. If it’s a phone, take it outside.”
23. The Blackberry 5810: A guy is frantically clicking. The bartender says, “Are you working or playing Tetris?”
24. The Bachelor: A guy tries to give a rose to the bartender. The bartender says, “The answer is no. I’m sending you home tonight.”
25. The My Big Fat Greek Wedding: A guy orders a shot of Ouzo. The bartender says, “Careful, or you’ll be spraying Windex on your hangover tomorrow.”
26. The Scooby-Doo Movie: A guy orders “Scooby Snacks.” The bartender gives him a bowl of peanuts and says, “Zoinks.”
27. The Las Vegas: A guy says, “What happens in the bar, stays in the bar.” The bartender says, “Except for your credit card bill. That follows you home.”
28. The Panic Room: A guy locks himself in the bathroom. The bartender says, “It’s not a movie, it’s a toilet. Get out.”
29. The No Doubt: A guy orders a drink and says, “I’m just a girl…” The bartender says, “I have no doubt about that after that order.”
30. The Vin Diesel: A guy walks in wearing a tank top. The bartender says, “I don’t have ‘Family’, I only have customers.”
31. The GameCube: A guy says, “My console is purple.” The bartender says, “My beer is amber. Everyone wins.”
32. The TiVo: A guy asks, “Can I pause the bartender?” The bartender says, “Only if you pay for the ‘Premium’ service, which is a $20 tip.”
33. The 8 Mile: A guy starts rapping his complaints about the wings. The bartender says, “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to pay.”
34. The Signs: A guy sees a circle on his coaster and screams, “ALIENS!” The bartender says, “No, that’s just condensation.”
35. The Spider-Man Kiss: A guy tries to drink his beer upside down. The bartender says, “You’re not Peter Parker, you’re just making a mess.”
36. The Dirty Martini: A guy asks for a “Filthy Martini.” The bartender drops a handful of dirt in the glass. “That’ll be $12.”
37. The Mojito Trend: The bartender’s hands are permanently stained green from mint. He says, “I’m turning into the Hulk, one Mojito at a time.”
38. The Atkins Diet: A guy orders a pint of heavy cream and a shot of whiskey. The bartender says, “I miss the 90s.”
39. The White Stripes: A guy asks for a “Seven Nation Army” drink. The bartender gives him seven shots of different spirits.
40. The Justin Timberlake: A guy says, “I’m going solo.” The bartender says, “You’ve been drinking alone all night, pal.”
41. The Die Another Day: A guy orders a Martini and says, “I’m a secret agent.” The bartender says, “The only secret here is how you’re going to pay this tab.”
42. The Blue Hawaii: “Why is it blue?” “Because it’s 2002 and we haven’t learned our lesson yet.”
43. The Screwdriver: “Is this freshly squeezed?” “It was freshly squeezed from a carton three days ago.”
44. The Jägerbomb: The sound of a shot glass hitting a pint glass becomes the national anthem of 2002 bars.
45. The Cosmopolitan: A girl asks for a “Post-Modern Cosmo.” The bartender gives her a glass of water and a picture of a cranberry.
46. The Guinness: A guy says, “It’s like a meal in a glass.” The bartender says, “Then you don’t need those fries, do you?”
47. The Corona: A guy asks for a lime and the bartender says, “We’re out. You’ll have to drink your beer like a man.”
48. The Heineken: A guy says, “It’s the silver bottle!” The bartender says, “Same beer, more expensive metal.”
49. The Budweiser: “Whassup!” “Don’t.” “Whas…” “I will call security.”
50. The Miller High Life: “The Champagne of Beers.” A guy asks for a flute. The bartender gives him a mug.
51. The Tequila: A guy takes a shot and forgets what year it is. The bartender says, “Mission accomplished.”
52. The Whiskey Sour: “As sour as my ex-wife.” The bartender says, “I’ve heard that joke since 1970. It’s still not funny.”
53. The Manhattan: A guy orders a Manhattan and says, “It’s a classic.” The bartender says, “Just like you, old man.”
54. The Old Fashioned: A guy orders one and says, “Keep the change.” The change is 5 cents.
55. The Sidecar: “Where’s the bike?” “In the parking lot, but I’m taking a cab.” “Good choice.”
56. The Rusty Nail: “Does this come with a tetanus shot?” “No, but it comes with a hangover.”
57. The Dark and Stormy: “Like my future.” “Stop being dramatic and drink your rum.”
58. The Sex on the Beach: A guy orders one and blushes. The bartender says, “It’s okay, we call it ‘The 2002’ now.”
59. The Kamikaze: A guy orders a round for his friends who aren’t there. The bartender says, “Imaginary friends drink for free, but you pay for the glasses.”
60. The B-52: “Light it up!” The bartender sets his sleeve on fire. “That wasn’t part of the trick.”
61. The Mimosa: “Is it too late for a Mimosa?” “It’s 11 PM. It’s too late for everything.”
62. The Sangria: A guy finds a piece of fruit and says, “I found a vitamin!”
63. The Margarita: “Salt or no salt?” “Salt. I need the electrolytes for the dance floor.”
64. The Draft Beer: “Why is it flat?” “Because you’ve been talking for 20 minutes instead of drinking.”
65. The Coaster: A guy uses it as a fan. The bartender says, “It’s 100 degrees in here, that coaster won’t save you.”
66. The Bar Snack: “Are these pretzels low-carb?” “They’re 100% beer-compatible.”
67. The Ice Cube: An ice cube says, “I’m melting! Just like the stock market!”
68. The Bottle Opener: “I’m the most important tool in this bar.” The bartender says, “I thought that was the guy in the zoot suit.”
69. The Bar Stool: “Is this seat taken?” “Only by your ego.”
70. The Last Call: “Last call for 2002! Go home and watch your DVDs!”
71. The 2002 Ending: A guy leaves and says, “Next year, I’m getting a phone that takes videos!” The bartender says, “And I’m getting a raise. We’re both dreamers.”