37 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2023 “Barbenheimer & Roman Empire” Edition

In 2023, Thanksgiving was about choosing between pink and black, dodging the “Grimace” purple trend, and realizing that Swifties are the new world superpower.

The 2023 Top 10: “Pink Turkeys & AI Toasts”

1. Barbenheimer: Why was the 2023 table decor so confusing? Because after the summer of movies, half the decorations were neon pink and plastic like Barbie’s Dreamhouse, while the other half was black-and-white and full of existential dread like Oppenheimer.
2. The Roman Empire: Why did Dad suddenly start lecturing everyone about the legions? Because the internet revealed that every man thinks about the Roman Empire at least once a day, and the turkey was the perfect time to discuss the strategy of the Battle of Alesia.
3. The Grimace Shake: Why did the teenager suddenly drop to the floor after drinking a purple milkshake? Because it was the TikTok trend of the year—anyone who tried Grimace’s drink had to stage their own colorful “crime scene” in the middle of the dining room.
4. Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour: Why was the niece wearing 50 friendship bracelets? Because 2023 belonged to Taylor, and Thanksgiving was just another “Era” where we had to trade beads instead of recipes.
5. ChatGPT Toasts: Why was Grandpa’s toast so… perfect? Because he secretly asked an AI to write a “heartfelt Thanksgiving speech in the style of a 1940s newsreel with three puns about gravy.”
6. The Titan Submersible: What was the one topic banned at the table? Anything involving the deep ocean and video game controllers, because for one week in June, everyone became an expert in underwater physics and Logitech hardware.
7. Beige Flag vs. Red Flag: Why was the cousin judging her boyfriend at the table? Because in 2023, we weren’t looking for flaws, just “Beige Flags”—like the fact that he eats cranberry sauce straight from the can with a spoon. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it is weird.
8. The Year of the Girl: Why was everything “Girl-themed”? We had “Girl Dinner” (cheese and crackers instead of turkey), “Girl Math” (if I bought the bird on sale, I actually made money), and “Girl Autumn.”
9. Elon Musk & X: Why did nobody know what to call the app with the bird? Because Elon changed Twitter to “X,” and we still didn’t know if we were supposed to “X-post” or just pretend the whole rebrand wasn’t happening.
10. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse: Why was the kitchen full of “glitches”? Because Dad burning the rolls was officially labeled a “Canon Event”—a necessary tragedy that must happen to maintain the stability of the family multiverse.

The Full 2023 Archive (Highlights)

11. Travis Kelce & Taylor Swift: Why did Dad suddenly start caring about the Kansas City Chiefs? Because Taylor started showing up at games, and suddenly Thanksgiving football was the most important event in a Swiftie’s calendar.
12. The Coronation of King Charles III: Why was the uncle demanding a crown? Because after the coronation, he decided that being the oldest male at the table gave him the right to a “sacred anointing” of gravy.
13. The “Canon Event” Meme: Why didn’t Mom stop the toddler from spilling the juice? “It’s a Canon Event, I can’t interfere or the timeline will collapse!”
14. Threads Launch: Why was nobody using the new app from Instagram? Because everyone signed up in July, forgot about it by August, and by November, nobody could remember their password.
15. The Golden Bachelor: Why was Grandma so inspired? Because 72-year-old Gerry showed everyone that finding love (and the best stuffing recipe) is possible at any age.
16. Asteroid City: Why was the table so symmetrical? Because after the Wes Anderson movie, Mom insisted that every pea be placed at a 90-degree angle to the carrots.
17. The Bluey Obsession: Why were the adults crying during a kids’ cartoon? Because Bluey is the only thing in 2023 that could make a 40-year-old man sob over a plate of mashed potatoes.
18. The “Delulu is the Solulu” Trend: Why did the niece think she was going to win the lottery on Black Friday? Because being delusional is the only “solulu” (solution) for living in 2023.
19. Cocaine Bear: Why was everyone suspicious of the woods? Because after the movie, every rustle in the bushes sounded like a bear on a massive high looking for leftover pie.
20. The AI Drake Song: Why did the background music sound slightly off? Because it wasn’t the real Drake, it was a “Ghostwriter” AI track that nobody could distinguish from the real thing.
21. Succession (The Finale): Why did nobody want to give up the remote? Because after the finale, everyone felt like Kendall Roy—sad, full of calories, and without a chance of inheriting Grandma’s “empire.”
22. The “Tube Girl” Confidence: Why was the sister dancing in the hallway? Because she had “Tube Girl” energy and was filming a TikTok like she was on a crowded London subway.
23. The “1-2 Buckle My Shoe” Remix: Why were the kids singing about footwear? Because an old nursery rhyme became a trap remix, and now counting turkey bites had to be done with a heavy bassline.
24. Super Mario Bros. Movie: Why was everyone singing about fruit? Because Jack Black’s Bowser made “Peaches” the only song anyone wanted to hear during dessert.
25. The Last of Us (HBO): Why was everyone afraid of the mushroom gravy? Because after the show, we all knew that Cordyceps was just one step away from turning the family into “Clickers.”
26. The “Smurf Cat” (Shailushai): Why was there a blue cat with a mushroom hat on everyone’s phone? Nobody knew why, but in 2023, it was the peak of human comedy.
27. Starfield: Why wouldn’t the brother leave his room? Because Bethesda released a space game and he was busy building a ship that looked exactly like a giant drumstick.
28. The “Attenzione Pickpocket!” Lady: Why was Grandma shouting in the kitchen? “Attenzione, borseggiatori!”—she was warning everyone about the “pickpockets” trying to steal the turkey skin.
29. iPhone 15 (USB-C): Why was Dad in shock? Because Apple finally switched to USB-C and now the whole family could share a charger (which led to even more arguments).
30. The “Girl Dinner” Trend: Why was there just a plate of cheese, grapes, and ice on the table? Because the cousin decided that was her official “Girl Dinner” and the turkey was too “mainstream.”
31. Baldur’s Gate 3: Why was the uncle rolling a 20-sided die before taking a bite? “I rolled a 1—Critical Failure. I just dropped the stuffing on my white shirt.”
32. The Las Vegas Sphere: Why was the centerpiece a giant glowing ball? Because after the Sphere opened, anything that didn’t blink at us with a massive digital eye felt boring.
33. The “Planet of the Bass” Song: Why didn’t the lyrics make sense? Because “Life, it never die” was the 90s eurodance parody we all needed to survive the holiday drama.
34. Meta Quest 3: Why was the cousin “carving” the air? Because he was wearing mixed-reality goggles and thought he was in a high-stakes cooking simulator.
35. The Stanley Cup Craze: Why did everyone have a 40-ounce insulated tumbler with a straw? Because if you weren’t drinking water out of a $50 metal bucket, you weren’t “aesthetic” in 2023.
36. The “Lazy Girl Job” Trend: Why was nobody helping with the dishes? Because they were all looking for “Lazy Girl Jobs” and washing pans didn’t fit the vibe of a low-stress lifestyle.
37. The Final 2023 Vibe: Why was it “Kenergy”? Because we didn’t have to be perfect like Barbie—we were all “Kenough” just for making it to the table.