37 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 1998 “Furby & Fruity iMac” Edition

In 1998, Thanksgiving was a neon-colored fever dream. We were busy trying to keep our Furbies from waking up the baby, watching Britney Spears dance in a school hallway, and wondering why Apple made computers that looked like giant pieces of candy.

The 1998 Top 10: “Furbies & Saving Private Turkey”

1. The Furby Invasion: Why was the 1998 dinner so creepy? Because every kid had a Furby under the table that would suddenly scream “Doo-dah! Kah-may-may!” right when Grandpa started the prayer.
2. Saving Private Ryan: Why was Dad so intense about the leftovers? Because after seeing the movie, he treated the kitchen like Omaha Beach, screaming “Cover me!” as he made a run for the last drumstick.
3. The iMac G3 (Bondi Blue): Why did everyone want to lick the computer? Because Steve Jobs released a PC that looked like a blueberry-flavored gumdrop, and suddenly your old beige computer felt like a dinosaur.
4. Armageddon vs. Deep Impact: Why was the family divided? Because half the table wanted to talk about a turkey-sized asteroid hitting Earth, while the other half just wanted to sing Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” to the pie.
5. The Google Launch: Why did we have more facts this year? Because two guys in a garage officially launched Google, though we still spent 10 minutes waiting for the homepage to load on a 56k modem.
6. Britney Spears: Why was the teenage niece so restless? Because “…Baby One More Time” just dropped, and she was “hit” by the realization that her Thanksgiving outfit wasn’t nearly 90s-pop enough.
7. The Clinton Scandal: What was the one thing Grandma forbade at the table? Any mention of “cigars,” “blue dresses,” or the phrase “I did not have sexual relations with that turkey.”
8. Sex and the City: Why was the aunt acting so sophisticated? Because the show premiered, and she spent the whole meal trying to figure out if she was a “Carrie” (writer), a “Miranda” (lawyer), or just a “Cranberry” (sauce).
9. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time: Why were the kids missing? Because the N64 masterpiece just launched, and they were too busy learning “Saria’s Song” to notice that dinner was being served.
10. Titanic (VHS Release): Why were there two copies of the movie on the shelf? Because Titanic finally came out on video, and it was so long it required two separate VHS tapes just to hold all of Leonardo DiCaprio’s hair.

The Full 1998 Thanksgiving Archive (Highlights)

11. You’ve Got Mail: Why was everyone checking their AOL? Because Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan convinced us that the “dial-up screech” was actually the sound of true love.
12. Harry Potter (US Release): Why did the kids want “Owl Post”? Because The Sorcerer’s Stone hit US shelves, and suddenly the turkey looked like it should have been a roasted hippogriff.
13. The Big Lebowski: Why was the uncle wearing a bathrobe to dinner? Because “The Dude abides,” and he really felt that the gravy tied the room together.
14. Dawson’s Creek: Why was the conversation so overly intellectual and dramatic? Because the teens were using 5-syllable words to explain why they didn’t want to eat their peas.
15. The Tamagotchi Graveyard: Why was the 1998 mood so somber? Because by now, everyone had at least three dead virtual pets sitting in their junk drawer.
16. Mulan: Why were the kids singing about “Bringing Honor to Us All”? Because the Disney soundtrack was the only thing that could drown out the sound of the Furby.
17. The Pfizer “Blue Pill”: Why was Grandpa in such a good mood? Because Viagra hit the market in ’98, and for the first time in a decade, he didn’t fall asleep immediately after the turkey.
18. A Bug’s Life vs. Antz: Why was there a debate about the salad? Because two different movies about ants came out, and nobody could agree which one featured the better-looking CGI broccoli.
19. The Euro (Announced): Why was the uncle-traveler confused? Because they announced a new currency for Europe, and he was worried his leftover French Francs wouldn’t buy him a croissant next year.
20. TRL (Total Request Live): Why was the TV on MTV? Because Carson Daly was counting down the top 10 videos, and we had to know if the Backstreet Boys were still #1 before we could eat.
21. The Pager (The Final Peak): Why did Dad’s belt feel so heavy? Because he had a pager, a cell phone with a 4-inch antenna, and a PalmPilot all clipped on at once.
22. Lauryn Hill: Why was the music so good? Because The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was on repeat, and even the mashed potatoes felt soulful.
23. The MP3 Player (Rio PMP300): Why was the tech-cousin so smug? Because he had 10 songs on a device the size of a deck of cards, and he didn’t have to carry a CD “Anti-Skip” Discman.
24. Blade: Why did the older brother wear a leather trench coat? Because he thought he was a “Daywalker,” even though the only thing he was hunting was the last piece of dark meat.
25. The Volkswagen New Beetle: Why was the driveway so “cute”? Because Mom finally got the car with the built-in flower vase on the dashboard.
26. Seinfeld (The Finale): Why was everyone still complaining? Because the show ended in May, and the family was still debating whether the “Contest” was better than the “Soup Nazi.”
27. The US Postal Service: Why were the invites so late? Because they raised the price of a stamp to 32 cents, and Grandpa refused to pay the “inflation tax” out of principle.
28. There’s Something About Mary: Why was there a warning about the hair gel? Because after that movie, nobody trusted “homemade” styling products at the dinner table.
29. The Stardust Spacecraft: Why were the kids looking at the ceiling? Because they heard NASA was going to catch comet dust, and they hoped it tasted better than Brussels sprouts.
30. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Why did the uncle look so frazzled? Because he just watched the Johnny Depp movie and thought he saw a giant bat in the cranberry sauce.
31. The Game Boy Color: Why were the kids’ faces glowing purple and lime green? Because they finally had handheld games that weren’t just shades of pea-soup gray.
32. Rush Hour: Why were the cousins doing bad karate moves? Because Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker convinced them that “wiping the floor” with your siblings was a comedic art form.
33. The “Ginger Spice” Exit: Why was the girl-power mood so low? Because Geri Halliwell left the Spice Girls, and the 1998 Thanksgiving table felt like it was missing its “flavor.”
34. The 1998 Winter Olympics (Nagano): Why was the kitchen floor so slippery? Because the kids were practicing “Curling” with a broom and a frozen turkey.
35. Windows 98: Why did the family computer keep restarting? Because Dad tried to install the “New and Improved” Windows, and it blue-screened right as the gravy hit the table.
36. The Truman Show: Why was everyone looking for hidden cameras? Because Jim Carrey made us all paranoid that our Thanksgiving dinner was just a top-rated TV show for aliens.
37. The Final 1998 Vibe: Why was it the best year? Because we had the technology to be cool, but we were still mostly just worried about whether our Furby was going to try to eat our actual turkey.