36 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2012 “Maya Apocalypse & Gangnam Style” Edition

In 2012, Thanksgiving was about eating like it was our last meal (literally), dancing like we were riding invisible horses, and wondering if the world would actually end in December.

The 2012 Top 10: “End of the World & Invisible Horses”

1. The Maya Apocalypse: Why did Dad buy three times the normal amount of food? Because the Maya calendar predicted the world would end on December 21st, and he wanted to make sure his final memory was being “30% stuffing by body weight.”
2. Gangnam Style: Why was the 2012 dinner so chaotic? Because you couldn’t pass the cranberry sauce without someone jumping up to do the invisible horse dance and shouting “Oppan Gangnam Style!”
3. The London Olympics: Why was the carving of the turkey so competitive? Because after the summer games, Dad insisted on a “Medal Ceremony” for the best side dish, and the green beans were disqualified for “performance-enhancing butter.”
4. The Hunger Games: Why were the kids fighting so hard over the last roll? Because the first movie hit theaters, and Mom stood over them shouting, “May the odds be ever in your favor!”
5. Curiosity Rover: Why were the mashed potatoes so thoroughly explored? Because the nephew spent the whole meal pretending his fork was the Mars Rover and taking “soil samples” of every lumpy crater.
6. Fifty Shades of Grey: Why was the dinner conversation so awkward? Because every aunt at the table was reading the “mommy porn” trilogy on her Kindle and blushing every time someone asked for a “firm” piece of meat.
7. The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee: Why was the atmosphere so regal? Because after 60 years of Elizabeth II, Grandma decided that she was officially the Queen of the Dining Room and required everyone to bow before the gravy.
8. The First Tesla Model S: Why was the tech-uncle so smug? Because he told everyone that “gasoline is for the 20th century” and that by next Thanksgiving, his car would be able to cook the turkey using only batteries.
9. The Avengers: Why were the cousins arguing? Because they couldn’t decide if the “Shawarma” scene at the end of the movie meant they could skip the pumpkin pie in favor of middle-eastern fast food.
10. Grumpy Cat: Why did the dessert look so unhappy? Because the internet’s favorite frowning feline went viral, and Mom tried to bake a cake with her face on it, but it just looked like a “sad disaster.”

The Full 2012 Archive (Highlights)

11. Call Me Maybe: Why was the phone ringing so much? Because Carly Rae Jepsen’s song was so infectious that everyone was handing out their numbers on napkins and saying, “I just cooked this, and this is crazy, but here’s my turkey, so eat it maybe?”
12. The iPad Mini Launch: Why was the “rich” cousin laughing at the regular iPad? Because Apple released a smaller tablet, and he claimed that the “standard size” was now only for people who had giant, clumsy 2011-style hands.
13. Skyfall: Why was the dinner so “007”? Because it was the 50th anniversary of Bond, and Dad wore a tuxedo to the table just to say “The name is Turkey… Roast Turkey.”
14. The Facebook IPO: Why was the “investor” uncle crying? Because he bought Facebook stock on the first day and realized that his “virtual friendship” was currently worth about half a bag of frozen peas.
15. Tebowing: Why was the nephew kneeling in the middle of the kitchen? He wasn’t praying for the rolls—he was just “Tebowing” after successfully catching a flying grape in his mouth.
16. The Higgs Boson Discovery: Why was the stuffing so fundamental? Because scientists finally found the “God Particle,” and Dad claimed his secret herb blend was the thing that gave the turkey its mass.
17. Wreck-It Ralph: Why was the gingerbread house destroyed? Because the youngest kid decided to “Wreck-It” and told everyone he was just “playing his part” in the bad-guy support group.
18. The “YOLO” Craze: Why did the teenager eat four pieces of pie? Because “You Only Live Once,” and apparently, heartburning was a secondary concern to 2012-style philosophy.
19. Magic Mike: Why were the aunts so excited about the “serving staff”? Because after the movie, they were disappointed that the “carver” was just their brother-in-law in a stained apron instead of Channing Tatum.
20. The Nintendo Wii U: Why was Dad confused by the remote? Because Nintendo released a console with a “GamePad” screen, and Dad kept trying to use it as a secondary plate for his turkey.
21. The Kony 2012 Viral Video: Why was the college student so “active”? Because she spent 30 minutes explaining a 30-minute YouTube video about a geopolitical conflict that everyone would forget by Christmas.
22. The Dark Knight Rises: Why was the uncle talking in a muffled voice? Because he was doing his best Bane impression behind his napkin, telling the turkey, “Ah, you think dryness is your ally? You merely adopted the dry. I was born in it!”
23. Instagram Buys by Facebook: Why was there a “monopoly” at the table? Because Mark Zuckerberg bought the “filtered photo app” for $1 billion, and now Mom felt like her sepia-toned yams were “corporate assets.”
24. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Why was the first course so short? Because it was only the beginning of a trilogy, and we knew it would take another three years to actually finish the “quest” for the dessert.
25. The Curiosity “Seven Minutes of Terror”: Why was putting the bird in the oven so tense? Because Dad treated the “landing” of the turkey like a NASA mission, complete with a countdown and a heat shield (aluminum foil).
26. Pinterest’s Explosion: Why was the table covered in burlap and lace? Because Pinterest was the #1 site for “inspo,” and Mom spent 40 hours making “rustic” candle holders out of old soup cans.
27. The Great British Bake Off (US Hype): Why was the pie being “judged”? Because everyone was looking for a “soggy bottom” and waiting for Mary Berry to tell them their crust was “a bit of a shame.”
28. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: Why was the dinner so… “colorful”? Because the reality show made us all feel like our family drama was actually quite sophisticated compared to “Sketti” and “Go-Go Juice.”
29. The Kindle Paperwhite: Why was the reading so clear? Because the first glowing e-ink screen arrived, and Grandpa could finally read his thriller under the table without needing a flashlight.
30. One Direction: Why were the teen girls screaming? Because “What Makes You Beautiful” was on repeat, and they were convinced that Harry Styles was currently eating a turkey somewhere in England.
31. The “Shit My Dad Says” Trend: Why was the table so blunt? Because Twitter accounts dedicated to “grumpy father wisdom” were at their peak, and Dad was leaning into the role with 100% effort.
32. Brave: Why was the niece so rebellious? Because the Disney-Pixar movie taught her that she could “change her fate”… starting with the fate of not having to wash the dishes.
33. The “I’m Just 71” Queen’s Stunt: Why did Grandpa think he could jump out of a helicopter? Because he saw the Queen “skydive” with James Bond during the Olympics and felt inspired.
34. Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know”: Why was the mood so artistic? Because the song was everywhere, and now the leftovers were just “somebody that we used to know” (before they were eaten).
35. The Microsoft Surface Launch: Why was the tech-uncle “clicking” a keyboard? Because the first Surface tablet came out, and he was convinced that “Touch Covers” were the end of the laptop era.
36. The Final 2012 Vibe: Why was it a “Classic” year? Because it was the last year we really worried about a primitive calendar ending the world, instead of just worrying about our phone batteries dying before the pie.