35 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2001 “Wizarding World & iPod” Edition

In 2001, Thanksgiving was a portal to other worlds. We were obsessed with “Precious” rings, magical scars, and trying to fit a thousand songs in our pockets—all while wondering if that “Wikipedia” thing would ever catch on.

The 2001 Top 10: “You’re a Turkey, Harry!”

1. Harry Potter (The Movie): Why did the kids try to enter the dining room through the wall? Because the first movie just hit theaters, and they were convinced the “Platform 9 ¾” to the mashed potatoes was hidden behind the wallpaper.
2. The Lord of the Rings: Why did Uncle Jim refuse to share the last roll? Because he held it up to the light, whispered “My Precious,” and spent the rest of the meal trying to stay invisible.
3. The First iPod: Why was the tech-cousin so quiet? Because he had a white box in his pocket that “held 1,000 songs,” and he was too busy scrolling through them with a mechanical wheel to talk to humans.
4. Shrek: Why were the onions so emotional? Because Shrek taught us that onions—and family Thanksgivings—have layers, and usually, someone ends up crying by the end of them.
5. Monsters, Inc.: Why was the toddler screaming at the closet? Because he was convinced Sulley was in there, and he was trying to “generate enough scream power” to jump-start the electric carving knife.
6. The Xbox Launch: Why was the basement glowing green? Because Microsoft entered the console wars, and the “Halo” theme song was the only background music allowed during dessert.
7. Wikipedia: How did the family settle the argument about the Pilgrims? We looked it up on a brand-new site called “Wikipedia,” but Grandpa didn’t trust it because “anyone can say the turkey was an alien.”
8. Legally Blonde: Why was the niece so organized? Because Elle Woods taught her that “Exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy,” so she did 20 squats before eating the pie.
9. Ocean’s Eleven: Why did the cousins look so suspicious? Because they spent the afternoon planning a “high-stakes heist” to get the leftover drumsticks out of the fridge at 1 AM.
10. Zoolander: Why was everyone staring at the turkey from only one angle? Because it was the year of “Blue Steel,” and the bird refused to be photographed from its left side.

The Full 2001 Archive (Highlights)

11. A Beautiful Mind: Why was Dad staring at the gravy bubbles? Because he was “cracking the code” to the perfect ratio of flour to fat, or he was just really hungry.
12. The iTunes Launch: Why was the computer making “ripping” sounds? Because we spent the whole weekend turning our CDs into digital files so we could finally stop using the Discman.
13. Bridget Jones’s Diary: Why was Mom writing everything down? Because she was tracking her “units of wine” and “calories of stuffing” while hoping a man in a reindeer sweater would show up to do the dishes.
14. Smallville: Why did the teenager think the green beans were dangerous? Because he was convinced they were “Kryptonite” and that eating them would rob him of his super-angst.
15. The Nintendo GameCube: Why was there a purple lunchbox under the TV? It wasn’t a lunchbox—it was the new Nintendo, and it had a handle so you could take your “Smash Bros” to Grandma’s house.
16. Gorillaz: Why was the music so “virtual”? Because the coolest band in the world didn’t actually exist, which made explaining the “Clint Eastwood” video to Grandma impossible.
17. Planet of the Apes (Remake): Why was the dinner so confusing? Because the ending of the Mark Wahlberg movie made zero sense, and the family spent four hours trying to figure out the “Ape Lincoln” statue.
18. The Segway Reveal: Why was everyone disappointed? Because “It” was supposed to change the world, but it turned out to be just a two-wheeled scooter that made people look like they were mall security from the future.
19. Spy Kids: Why were the kids wearing high-tech goggles? Because they were “Level 2 Agents” tasked with spying on the kitchen to find out when the rolls were coming out.
20. Destiny’s Child: Why was the kitchen so empowering? Because “Survivor” was on the radio, and the women of the family decided they were “Independent Women Part 1” who didn’t need help with the dishes (but they took it anyway).
21. The Fast and the Furious: Why was the driveway so loud? Because after the movie, every cousin with a Honda Civic thought a “muffler delete” made them a street racer.
22. The Weakest Link: Why was Mom so cold? Because every time someone got a trivia question wrong, she looked them in the eye and said: “You are the weakest link. Goodbye!”
23. The XP Launch: Why was the computer “blissful”? Because Windows XP arrived with that famous green hill wallpaper, and for five minutes, the PC didn’t crash.
24. Jimmy Neutron: Why did the nephew have so much hair gel? Because he wanted to be a “Boy Genius” with a robotic dog, even though he couldn’t solve the mystery of the missing fork.
25. The Princess Diaries: Why was the granddaughter acting so regal? Because she found out that with enough “Genovian” etiquette, she didn’t have to clean her room.
26. Spider-Man (The Hype): Why were the kids climbing the doorframes? Because the trailer for the 2002 movie just dropped, and everyone wanted to practice their “web-slinging” fingers.
27. Enrique Iglesias’s “Hero”: Why was the mood so dramatic? Because the song was everywhere, and Dad felt like a “hero” just for carrying the 20-pound bird to the table.
28. The 24 (TV Show): Why was the dinner timed so strictly? Because Dad was obsessed with Jack Bauer and insisted that every course be served in “real-time” with a ticking clock.
29. The Blackberry (The Blue Screen): Why was the uncle “thumb-typing”? Because he had a device that let him work while eating, making him the first “always-on” casualty of the 21st century.
30. Training Day: Why was Uncle Dave being so tough? Because he kept shouting, “King Kong ain’t got nothing on my gravy!” at the top of his lungs.
31. The Da Vinci Code (Book): Why was Aunt Susan looking for “symbols” in the cranberry sauce? Because the thriller genre was exploding, and she was sure the Pilgrims left a secret message in the labels.
32. The “Moulin Rouge” Medley: Why was the kitchen so theatrical? Because “Lady Marmalade” was on repeat, and the sisters were convinced they were in a Parisian cabaret.
33. The Nokia 5510: Why did that one phone have a full keyboard? Because texting was becoming so popular that people were willing to carry a “brick with buttons” just to say “u there?”.
34. Alias: Why was the cousin wearing a wig? Because Jennifer Garner made being a double agent look cool, and she was “undercover” to find the hidden stash of chocolate.
35. The Mir Space Station (Deorbit): Why did we toast to the stars? Because the old space station finally fell into the ocean, marking the end of an era and the start of the “ISS” age.