38 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2004 “Napoleon Dynamite & TheFacebook” Edition

In 2004, Thanksgiving was about voting for Pedro, checking your flip phone for “TheFacebook” invites, and realizing that 10 years of Friends was officially over.

The 2004 Top 10: “Tater Tots & Smoke Monsters”

1. Napoleon Dynamite: Why did the nephew refuse to eat the turkey? Because he was too busy stuffing tater tots into his cargo pockets and telling Grandma, “Ugh, idiot! I’m eating whatever I feel like! GOSH!”
2. The Friends Finale: Why was the 2004 dinner so emotional? Because after 10 seasons, the show ended, and we finally realized that no one was ever going to pull a turkey over their head again for our entertainment.
3. TheFacebook: Why was the college student so distracted? Because a new site called “TheFacebook” just launched, and he was too busy “poking” people he sat next to in biology to pass the stuffing.
4. Lost: Why did Dad get so paranoid about the basement? Because the show premiered, and every time the heater made a noise, he was convinced a “Smoke Monster” was about to eat the pumpkin pie.
5. Mean Girls: Why was the dinner so “fetch”? Because it was the year of Regina George, and Aunt Susan told Mom, “You can’t sit with us!” because she wasn’t wearing pink on a Wednesday.
6. The Razr Flip Phone: Why did Dad look so cool? Because he got the Motorola Razr in silver, and he spent the whole meal flipping it open and closed just to hear that satisfying “clack.”
7. Shrek 2: Why was the dinner a “happily ever after”? Because Puss in Boots taught us that if you give your parents “the eyes,” you can get away with not eating your Brussels sprouts.
8. The iPod Mini: Why were the kids fighting over colors? Because the iPod Mini came out in blue, pink, and green, and suddenly “Classic White” was for old people who still used landlines.
9. Livestrong Bracelets: Why was everyone’s left wrist yellow? Because if you didn’t have a $1 silicone band, were you even living, let alone living strong?
10. Spider-Man 2: Why was the carving of the turkey so dramatic? Because Dad kept saying, “I’m losing my powers!” every time the knife got stuck in the bone.

The Full 2004 Archive (Highlights)

11. The Incredibles: Why was the family so fast? Because Pixar taught us that even if we’re a bunch of “Supers,” we still have to sit down and argue about who gets the last roll.
12. Desperate Housewives: Why was the neighborhood gossip so juicy? Because the show premiered, and everyone was convinced the lady across the street was hiding a dark secret in her cranberry sauce.
13. Anchorman: Why was Uncle Ron so loud? Because he spent the whole meal shouting, “I’m in a glass case of emotion!” every time someone told him the beer was gone.
14. World of Warcraft: Why was the basement “occupied” for 72 hours straight? Because Blizzard released WoW, and thousands of teenagers officially disappeared from the real world.
15. Usher’s “Yeah!”: Why was the kitchen vibrating? Because it was the #1 song of the year, and even Grandma was saying “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” to the extra helping of gravy.
16. Green Day’s “American Idiot”: Why was the teenager so rebellious? Because he was listening to the new album and felt that eating turkey was just another way the “media” was trying to control his mind.
17. The Nintendo DS: Why were the kids touching their screens? Because the dual-screen handheld arrived, and they were too busy “PictoChatting” each other from across the table.
18. National Treasure: Why was Grandpa looking at the back of the $20 bill? Because Nicolas Cage convinced him that the secret to the perfect stuffing recipe was hidden in a map on the Declaration of Independence.
19. The Red Sox Win: Why was the Boston uncle finally at peace? Because the “Curse of the Bambino” was broken after 86 years, and he finally had something to be thankful for besides “next year.”
20. Dodgeball (The Movie): Why was the gravy boat flying across the room? Because “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a side dish!”
21. The Gmail Beta: Why was the tech-cousin acting like he was in a secret club? Because he had a “Gmail Invite,” and he acted like it was a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s factory.
22. Maroon 5: Why was everyone “Songs About Jane”? Because the album was on every radio station, and we were all “She Will Be Loved”… as long as “She” was the pumpkin pie.
23. The Passion of the Christ: What was the one movie Grandma forbade us from discussing? The one that was so controversial it made the annual “Canned vs. Fresh” debate look like a friendly chat.
24. GTA: San Andreas: Why was the nephew so good at driving? Because he spent 40 hours “patrolling” Los Santos and knew exactly how to “drive-by” the dessert table.
25. The Mars Spirit Rover: Why were the rolls so adventurous? Because they traveled 300 million miles (from the grocery store to the table) just to prove there’s no life in a dry turkey.
26. The Ashlee Simpson “Hoedown”: Why did everyone start dancing awkwardly when the music skipped? Because we were all paying tribute to the greatest SNL lip-sync fail of all time.
27. Million Dollar Baby: Why was the dinner a knockout? Because after the movie, everyone was afraid to sit on a stool, but they were ready to fight for the title of “Master Carver.”
28. The O.C. (Season 2): Why was the mood so “Chrismukkah”? Because Seth Cohen made us realize that you can combine any holidays as long as there’s enough bagels and drama.
29. Nelly’s “Over and Over”: Why was the country music uncle and the hip-hop nephew finally getting along? Because Tim McGraw and Nelly proved that “crossover” was the new flavor of 2004.
30. The Motorola V505: Why was everyone taking “selfies” (before they were called selfies)? Because the flip phone had a mirror on the outside so you could see your own turkey-grease-covered face.
31. Entourage: Why was the group of cousins acting like celebrities? Because the show premiered, and they were convinced they needed a “manager” just to handle their social calendar.
32. The 1GB iPod Shuffle (Hype): Why was everyone talking about a pack of gum? It wasn’t gum—it was the rumored iPod that wouldn’t have a screen, and we all thought it was a brilliant/terrible idea.
33. The Simple Life 2: Why were the girls trying to “work” on a farm? Because Paris Hilton showed them that “That’s hot” applies to everything, including a perfectly roasted bird.
34. Halo 2: Why was the living room a “No-Fly Zone”? Because the Master Chief was back, and the sound of plasma grenades was the official soundtrack to our 2004 Thanksgiving.
35. The Phantom of the Opera: Why was the chandelier looking so dangerous? Because the movie version came out, and we were all waiting for a dramatic musical number to start during the salad course.
36. Hoobastank: Why was the turkey “The Reason”? Because “I’m not a perfect person… but this gravy is.”
37. The Blue-Ray vs. HD-DVD War: Why was the tech-uncle so stressed? Because he was trying to decide which “future disc” to invest in, and he was 100% sure HD-DVD was the winner. (Narrator: It wasn’t.)
38. The Final 2004 Vibe: Why was it a “Legendary” year? Because it was the last year before YouTube, meaning all our embarrassing “Napoleon Dynamite” dances remained safely unshared with the world. [1]