39 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2002 “Spider-Man & American Idol” Edition

In 2002, Thanksgiving was all about high-flying heroes, Kelly Clarkson’s high notes, and the realization that your phone could finally take a (very blurry) picture of your dinner.

The 2002 Top 10: “Kelly’s Gravy & Web-Slinging Sides”

1. Spider-Man: Why did the turkey refuse to be carved? Because it saw the movie and told Dad, “With great power comes great responsibility… so you better not mess up the drumsticks.”
2. American Idol: Why was the dinner so competitive? Because the family voted on every dish, and Simon Cowell (played by Uncle Jim) told Mom her stuffing was “dreadful, absolutely pitchy, and a complete disaster.”
3. Kelly Clarkson: Why was the mood so triumphant? Because “A Moment Like This” was playing, and Mom felt like she just won a recording contract after successfully making gravy without lumps.
4. The First Camera Phones: Why is the 2002 family photo so grainy? Because the Sanyo SCP-5300 just came out, and we were thrilled to have a digital memory that looked like it was taken through a screen door.
5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding: Why was there Windex on the table? Because after the movie became a hit, Grandpa was convinced that a quick spray of glass cleaner could cure everything from a dry turkey to a burnt pie.
6. The Bourne Identity: Why was the uncle acting so weird? He wasn’t; he just watched Matt Damon and now he’s convinced he has “Turkey Amnesia” and can’t remember where he hid the extra rolls.
7. The Sims: Unleashed: Why were the kids ignoring their real dog? Because they were too busy teaching their virtual pets to talk, hoping the digital cat would be less beggar-like than the one under the table.
8. Signs: Why were there glasses of water everywhere? Because after the M. Night Shyamalan movie, we weren’t taking any chances in case an alien showed up to steal the cranberry sauce.
9. The Nick & Jessica Hype: Why were the newlyweds so confused? Because Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica was about to premiere, and she was already asking if the “Chicken of the Sea” on the table was actually turkey.
10. The iMac G4: Why was the computer “waving” at us? Because Apple released the “Lamp” iMac with the swivel neck, and we spent more time moving the screen than actually using the internet.

The Full 2002 Archive (Highlights)

11. Star Wars: Attack of the Clones: Why did Dad hate the salad? Because he sat there and complained, “I don’t like sand… it’s coarse and rough and irritating,” even though it was just a slightly dry crouton.
12. 8 Mile: Why was the teenager so focused? Because he had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything he ever wanted… which was the last piece of pumpkin pie.
13. The Bachelor: Why was the dinner so dramatic? Because the host (Grandma) gave a red rose to the person who brought the best wine, and the losers had to leave the “mansion” (the dining room).
14. Avril Lavigne: Why was the gravy so “Complicated”? Because she was wearing a tie over a t-shirt, and we were all trying to figure out why she had to go and make things so difficult.
15. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Hype): Why were the cousins staring at the basement door? Because they were waiting for Gandalf to show up and tell them that “The Pie is coming!”
16. Scooby-Doo (The Movie): Why was the dog so popular? Because after the live-action movie, every kid was convinced that if they gave the family pet a “Scooby Snack,” he’d help them solve the Mystery of the Missing Wishbone.
17. Men in Black II: Why did everyone forget the argument about politics? Because Uncle Dave pulled out a silver pen and “neuralyzed” the table (he actually just turned off the lights and turned them back on).
18. The Osbournes: Why was the kitchen so loud? Because everyone was bleeping out their own swear words while trying to find the “Sharon!” (the mom) of the family.
19. Die Another Day: Why was the butter so cold? Because it was the 20th James Bond movie, and everything—including the dairy—had to be “ice cold” and served with a diamond-encrusted spreader.
20. Ice Age: Why was the toddler crying over a nut? Because he thought he was Scrat and that if he didn’t bury his acorn-shaped roll, the entire living room would split in half.
21. The GameCube WaveBird: Why were the kids playing from the other room? Because the first wireless controller finally meant they didn’t have to trip over wires to beat each other at Super Smash Bros. Melee.
22. The Eminem Show: Why was the house so loud? Because it was the #1 album, and even Grandma knew that “Without Me,” the Thanksgiving party would feel so empty.
23. Minority Report: Why was Mom waving her hands in the air? She wasn’t doing magic; she was just pretending to be Tom Cruise “scrubbing” through the “Pre-Crime” data of who was going to drop their plate.
24. Austin Powers in Goldmember: Why was the uncle talking like a Dutchman? Because “I love gooooold!” (and by gold, he meant the perfectly browned skin of the turkey).
25. The Wire: Why was the “cool” cousin being so secretive? Because the show premiered, and he was convinced the dining room was “bugged” by the Barksdale crew.
26. The 2002 World Cup: Why was the soccer-fan uncle still wearing a jersey? Because the games were in Korea and Japan, and he hadn’t slept since June, but he was still ready to “goal” some gravy.
27. Lilo & Stitch: Why was the atmosphere so welcoming? Because “Ohana means family,” and family means “nobody gets left behind… or gets a smaller slice of ham.”
28. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker: Why were the kids blowing on the mashed potatoes? Because they thought a “Master Wind” would help cool them down so they could get back to their GameBoys.
29. The Blackberry 6210: Why was Dad so busy? Because he had a phone with a screen you could actually read, and he spent the whole meal “Blackberrying” his boss about the leftovers.
30. Nelly’s “Hot in Herre”: Why was everyone taking off their sweaters? “Because it is getting hot in herre… so take off all your itchy wool!”
31. The Ring: Why did nobody want to watch the home movie? Because we were all afraid that after seven days, a girl would crawl out of the TV and steal our leftovers.
32. WinAmp 3: Why was the computer music so skin-able? Because we spent three hours choosing a “futuristic” skin for our music player instead of actually making a playlist.
33. The Transporter: Why was the delivery guy so intense? Because he had three rules for the rolls: 1. Never change the deal. 2. No names. 3. Never open the package until the turkey is on the table.
34. Catch Me If You Can: Why was the nephew pretending to be a pilot? Because Leonardo DiCaprio made fraud look so cool that the kid tried to “check-forge” his way into getting a third dessert.
35. The Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets: Why was the bathroom so scary? Because the kids were convinced a giant snake was living in the plumbing and that only “Parseltongue” could get the toilet to flush.
36. The 50 Cent Hype: Why was the basement vibrating? Because “In Da Club” was about to drop, and every teenager was already “starting a party” like it was their birthday.
37. The DVD Player Price Drop: Why did every bedroom have a movie playing? Because DVD players finally hit $50, and now nobody had to agree on what to watch in the main room.
38. The Ketchup “Easy Squeeze”: Why was there so much red on the kids’ plates? Because the upside-down ketchup bottle was the greatest invention since sliced bread, and everyone wanted to “test” the nozzle.
39. The Final 2002 Vibe: Why was it a great year? Because we had the technology of the future (cameras in phones!), but we still had the common sense to keep simulated Simon Cowell away from the cooking.