37 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2007 “iPhone & Soulja Boy” Edition

In 2007, Thanksgiving was a transition from the “click” of a Razr to the “swipe” of a glass screen. It was the year we learned to “Crank That” in the living room and realized that the internet was officially moving into our pockets.

The 2007 Top 10: “Multi-Touch & Mad Men”

1. The First iPhone: Why was the tech-uncle so popular? Because he had a phone with NO buttons, and everyone spent the whole meal “pinching” and “zooming” on a photo of the turkey like it was a miracle from space.
2. Soulja Boy: Why was the 2007 dinner so active? Because you couldn’t pass the salt without someone “cranking that” and doing a series of complicated hops and arm-waves to a mid-range ringtone.
3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Why was the niece crying into her stuffing? Because the final book came out in July, and she was still mourning the fact that her childhood—and Hedwig—were officially gone.
4. Netflix Streaming: Why was the “cool” cousin laughing at the DVD player? Because Netflix just launched “Watch Instantly,” and he told everyone that “mailing red envelopes” was about to become as vintage as the Mayflower.
5. Gossip Girl: Why was the dinner full of whispers? Because the show premiered, and everyone was looking at their phones wondering: “Who am I? That’s a secret I’ll never tell. XOXO, Turkey Girl.”
6. Ratatouille: Why was the kid staring at the kitchen floor? Because Pixar convinced him that a small rat was actually the one doing all the seasoning, and he was waiting for the “Little Chef” to pop out.
7. The Writers’ Strike: Why was the TV so boring? Because the Hollywood writers went on strike, and for the first time in history, we had to actually talk to each other instead of watching new episodes of The Office.
8. Mad Men: Why was Dad wearing a suit and drinking an Old Fashioned at 2 PM? Because the show premiered, and he was convinced that “advertising the turkey” required a mid-century aesthetic and zero emotional availability.
9. The Halo 3 Launch: Why was the basement a “No-Fly Zone”? Because the Master Chief’s trilogy ended, and the cousins were “Finishing the Fight” instead of finishing their green beans.
10. Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Why was the mood so… dramatic? Because the show premiered in October, and suddenly every minor argument about the gravy felt like it needed a camera crew and a 3-season contract.

The Full 2007 Archive (Highlights)

11. Bee Movie: Why was the honey-glazed ham so controversial? Because Jerry Seinfeld convinced us that bees could sue us for copyright infringement if we didn’t ask for permission first.
12. The “Leave Britney Alone!” Video: Why was the teenager so protective of the dessert? Because she was channeling Chris Crocker and screaming, “LEAVE THE PUMPKIN PIE ALONE! IT’S A HUMAN!”
13. Spider-Man 3: Why did the nephew have a “dark” side? Because he saw Emo Peter Parker and spent the meal dancing awkwardly while his hair covered one eye.
14. The Big Bang Theory: Why was the science-talk so “Bazinga!”? Because the show premiered, and suddenly the “nerd” cousin felt entitled to explain the physics of heat transfer in the oven.
15. Juno: Why was the niece talking into a “hamburger phone”? Because she was “100% pregnant with ideas” for how to get out of doing the dishes.
16. Transformers: Why was Dad suspicious of the microwave? Because Michael Bay made everything look like it could turn into a 40-foot robot and start an explosion in the middle of the kitchen.
17. No Country for Old Men: Why was the uncle so terrifying? Because he was flipping a coin to decide who got the last piece of dark meat, and he wouldn’t stop calling everyone “friendo.”
18. The iPod Touch: Why was the “iPhone-less” kid still happy? Because he had the “iPhone without the phone,” which meant he could still play Tap Tap Revenge without a monthly contract.
19. Kanye West’s “Stronger”: Why was the mood so resilient? Because what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger… except maybe for that third helping of Nana’s experimental tofu-stuffing.
20. Superbad: Why was the “fake ID” joke so popular? Because every cousin under 21 tried to tell the waiter (Dad) that their name was “McLovin” and they were born in Hawaii.
21. The Kindle Launch: Why was Grandma confused? Because Amazon told her she could fit 200 books in a white plastic slate, and she kept looking for the “pages” in the charging port.
22. Enchanted: Why was Mom singing to the vacuum cleaner? Because Amy Adams made her believe that if she hit a high enough note, the local squirrels would come in and clean the dining room for her.
23. The Wii Fit: Why was the scale talking to us? Because Nintendo released a “Balance Board” that told Grandma she was “Obese” in front of the whole family right after her second slice of pie.
24. Sweeney Todd: Why was the meat pie looking so suspicious? Because Johnny Depp and Tim Burton teamed up again, and suddenly everyone was checking the ingredients of the “Shepherd’s Pie.”
25. The New York Giants’ Streak: Why was the football-uncle so hopeful? Because the Giants were starting the run that would eventually ruin the Patriots’ perfect season, and he could “smell the upset.”
26. Facebook “Apps”: Why was everyone “throwing sheep” at each other? Because Facebook opened its platform to developers, and the “Poke” was replaced by 500 different ways to annoy your family digitally.
27. Rihanna’s “Umbrella”: Why were we singing in the kitchen? Because it was the song of the year, and “Ella, ella, ey, ey” was the only rhythm allowed while mashing the potatoes.
28. High School Musical 2: Why were the kids “Betting On It”? Because the sequel was even bigger than the first, and they spent the whole meal practicing the golf-course dance moves.
29. The “Chocolate Rain” Viral Video: Why was the mood so… soulful? Because we were all “moving our heads away from the mic to breathe” while eating our chocolate cake.
30. BioShock: Why was the uncle talking about “Little Sisters” and “Big Daddies”? Because he spent the morning under the sea in Rapture and was convinced the gravy was actually “ADAM.”
31. The 300 Movie: Why was the carving so intense? Because Dad screamed, “THIS IS SPARTA!” before he plunged the fork into the bird.
32. Phineas and Ferb: Why were the kids building a roller coaster in the backyard? Because “I know what we’re going to do today!” and it definitely wasn’t “sitting still at the table.”
33. The Blackberry Curve 8300: Why was the mom “typing like a pro”? Because she finally got a “Trackball” on her phone, and she felt like she was navigating the future of parenting.
34. Shrek the Third: Why was the “fairy tale” feeling a bit tired? Because even the kids agreed that by the third movie, the ogre jokes were starting to taste like three-day-old leftovers.
35. The “Rickroll” Birth: Why did the “funny” link the cousin sent actually just play 80s music? Because 2007 was the year Rick Astley officially became the most annoying man on the internet again.
36. Knocked Up: Why were the “grown-up” cousins so panicked? Because the Judd Apatow era of comedy made every responsibility feel like a hilarious, terrified disaster.
37. The Final 2007 Vibe: Why was it a “Touch” of greatness? Because it was the last year we ever looked at a “non-smart” phone and thought it was actually smart.