38 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2013 “Frozen & What Does the Fox Say?” Edition

In 2013, Thanksgiving was about trying to hit the high notes from Frozen, wondering if the “Selfie” was really the Word of the Year, and watching Dad try to “twerk” (which resulted in an immediate trip to the chiropractor).

The 2013 Top 10: “Ice Queens & Doge Memes”

1. Frozen: Why did the kids refuse to wear their coats to dinner? Because “the cold never bothered them anyway,” and they spent the whole meal trying to build a snowman out of mashed potatoes.
2. What Does the Fox Say?: Why was the 2013 dinner so noisy? Because every time someone asked for the salt, the kids would start screaming “Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!” at the top of their lungs.
3. Doge: Why was the turkey so “wow”? Because the internet was obsessed with the Shiba Inu meme, and the carving board was covered in sticky notes saying “Such flavor,” “Much gravy,” and “Very Thanksgiving.”
4. The Selfie (Word of the Year): Why did it take an hour to start eating? Because the Oxford Dictionary made “Selfie” the word of the year, and we had to take 47 group photos before the steam stopped rising from the bird.
5. Miley Cyrus at the VMAs: Why was Grandpa so confused by the dancing? Because after Miley’s performance, every teenager thought “twerking” was a valid way to celebrate a touchdown during the football game.
6. Breaking Bad (The Finale): Why was the kitchen so intense? Because the show ended, and Dad was acting like he was “the one who knocks” (on the oven door) and that his gravy recipe was “99.1% pure.”
7. The Cronut Hype: Why was the dessert table so trendy? Because everyone was talking about the croissant-donut hybrid, and Mom tried to make a “Tur-nut” (a turkey-donut), which was a culinary disaster.
8. Candy Crush Saga: Why was everyone staring at their phones in silence? They weren’t ignoring the family—they were just stuck on Level 65 and desperately needed a “Color Bomb” to get through the appetizers.
9. Iron Man 3: Why was the turkey “remote-controlled”? Because after the movie, Dad was convinced he could summon the stuffing from the kitchen using only his mind and a series of dramatic hand gestures.
10. The Harlem Shake: Why did the whole family suddenly start wearing costumes and dancing frantically? Because for three months in 2013, that was the only legal way to respond to a bass drop.

The Full 2013 Archive (Highlights)

11. Gravity: Why did Mom feel like Sandra Bullock? Because after three hours in the kitchen, she felt completely isolated in a vacuum of heat and was just trying to “re-enter” the living room without burning up.
12. The Vine App: Why were the kids only talking in 6-second loops? Because they were obsessed with Vine and thought that if a joke took longer than 7 seconds, it wasn’t worth telling.
13. Blurred Lines: Why was the music so controversial? Because Robin Thicke was everywhere, and the “lines” between “I’m full” and “I want more pie” were officially blurred.
14. The PlayStation 4 vs. Xbox One: Why was the basement a battlefield? Because the “Next-Gen” consoles both launched in November, and the cousins were ready to start a civil war over which one had better graphics.
15. Man of Steel: Why was the turkey so tough? Because Zack Snyder made everything “gritty” and “realistic,” including the overcooked drumsticks.
16. Grumpy Cat’s “Worst Christmas Ever”: Why did the cat look even more annoyed? Because the internet’s favorite feline was at the peak of her fame, and she clearly didn’t approve of the 2013 guest list.
17. House of Cards: Why was the political talk so manipulative? Because everyone was binge-watching Kevin Spacey and trying to “double-tap” the table for emphasis while planning their next move for the last roll.
18. The Pope Francis Hype: Why was the atmosphere so humble? Because the new Pope was “Person of the Year,” and everyone felt slightly guilty about having a third helping of dessert.
19. Beyoncé (The Visual Album): Why was the Friday after Thanksgiving so shocking? Because Beyoncé dropped an entire album at midnight with zero warning, and the aunts spent the whole “Black Friday” in a state of musical shock.
20. Sharknado: Why was Grandpa checking the weather during the meal? Because the Syfy movie made him genuinely concerned that a localized storm could result in predatory fish falling into the gravy boat.
21. The Great Gatsby: Why was the dinner so “Old Sport”? Because after the Leonardo DiCaprio movie, Mom insisted on using enough glitter and gold leaf to make the dining room look like a 1920s fever dream.
22. Lorde’s “Royals”: Why was the family so “un-fancy”? Because we’ll never be royals (royals!), it don’t run in our blood—we’re just here for the discount turkey and the cheap wine.
23. The Bitmoji Launch: Why did everyone have a cartoon version of themselves? Because we finally had the technology to look like a digital avatar while complaining about our real-life calories.
24. Pacific Rim: Why were the kids fighting with giant “Jaegers”? Because they were using the empty boxes to build robots and fight the “Kaiju” (the family dog).
25. The Netflix “Binge-Watching” Era: Why was the living room a ghost town? Because the family “accidentally” started Orange Is the New Black and didn’t move for eight hours.
26. Grand Theft Auto V: Why was the nephew so good at navigating the traffic? Because he spent 100 hours in Los Santos and knew exactly how to “hijack” the best seat on the sofa.
27. The iPad Air: Why was the tech-uncle so light-headed? Because his new tablet was so thin he was afraid a strong breeze from the ceiling fan would blow his emails away.
28. Despicable Me 2: Why was “Happy” by Pharrell Williams playing on a loop? Because it was the most infectious song of the decade, and even the turkey seemed to be clapping along.
29. The Red Sox World Series Win: Why was the Boston uncle actually crying? Because for the first time in 95 years, they won the title at home, and he felt that 2013 was officially “Boston Strong.”
30. Instagram Video: Why was there “moving” food on the phone? Because Instagram added video, and now we had to watch 15 seconds of the gravy being poured in slow-motion before we could eat.
31. The Google Glass: Why was the weird cousin wearing a cyborg-monocle? Because he was one of the “Explorers” and was trying to read the nutritional facts of the pie through a tiny floating screen.
32. The “Prancercise” Video: Why was the aunt “galloping” through the backyard? Because the viral exercise video convinced her that “mimicking a horse” was the only way to burn off the stuffing.
33. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: Why was the dining room so “intense”? Because the sequel was out, and the cousins were treating the “Cornucopia” of appetizers like a fight to the death.
34. Batkid in San Francisco: Why was the mood so heartwarming? Because the whole world watched a 5-year-old save Gotham, and it made us all feel like “being a hero” just meant passing the rolls.
35. The Smartwatch (Galaxy Gear): Why was the uncle talking to his wrist? Because the first “real” smartwatches arrived, and he felt like Dick Tracy while checking the score of the game.
36. The “Twerk” Addition to the Dictionary: Why was the world ending? Because the Oxford Dictionary officially added “twerk,” and Grandma declared that the English language had finally “retired.”
37. The Mannequin Challenge (Early Stages): Why did everyone freeze for 30 seconds? Because “viral trends” were becoming a lifestyle, and we wanted to see if the gravy would stop mid-air.
38. The Final 2013 Vibe: Why was it a “Cool” year? Because between Frozen and the Doge meme, we learned that as long as you have “Much Wow” and a bit of “Let It Go,” the holidays are pretty great.