70 Observational One-Liners: The 2019 Endgame Era

Step into 2019 – the year of the Avengers: Endgame phenomenon, the launch of Disney+, and the moment we all realized that a photo of a simple brown egg could become the most liked thing on Instagram. It was the era of the “Old Town Road” record-breaking run and the summer when we all pretended we were going to Storm Area 51. Here is the observational archive of 2019.

The 2019 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Endgame “I Love You 3000”: I just spent three hours in a theater crying over a billionaire in a metal suit. 2019 is the year Marvel officially broke the world’s tear ducts.
2. The Area 51 Raid: Two million people signed up to “Naruto run” into a top-secret military base to “see the aliens.” In reality, about 50 people showed up, stood near a gate, and shared a bag of chips. 2019 was peak internet bravado.
3. The Game of Thrones Finale: I spent eight years waiting for the winter to come, and it was over in one episode that was so dark I couldn’t see my own hand. The final season was the most expensive “I just want to get this over with” in TV history.
4. The “Old Town Road” Takeover: Lil Nas X just proved that you can combine country, rap, and a catchy beat to stay at Number 1 for 19 weeks. I’m currently wearing a cowboy hat with my Nike sneakers and I feel incredibly confused.
5. The Instagram Egg: A picture of an ordinary brown egg just beat Kylie Jenner for the most liked photo on the platform. 2019 is the year we officially gave up on celebrity culture and embraced breakfast items.
6. The “Bad Guy” Billie Eilish: She’s whispering, she’s wearing baggy clothes, and she’s the “bad guy.” Duh. 2019 is the year the “Anti-Pop Star” took over the world.
7. The Joker Dance: I can’t see a flight of stairs without wanting to put on a red suit and dance like a clown while listening to Gary Glitter. 2019 is the year Joaquin Phoenix made us all feel slightly uncomfortable.
8. The Disney+ Launch: I just paid for another streaming service just so I can watch 30-year-old cartoons and a baby version of Yoda. My monthly subscriptions now cost more than my actual rent.
9. The Parasite Twist: A movie that made me realize that the scariest thing in 2019 isn’t ghosts or monsters—it’s the socio-economic divide and a very secret basement.
10. The Tesla Cybertruck Windows: Elon Musk tried to show off his “indestructible” truck and the windows shattered instantly. It’s the perfect metaphor for my 2019 mental health.

The Full 2019 Archive (Extended List)

11. The “Truth Hurts” Lizzo: She just took a DNA test and turns out she’s 100% that girl. I just took a DNA test and turns out I’m 100% in need of a nap.
12. The Knives Out Mystery: Chris Evans in a cable-knit sweater. That’s it. That’s the observational one-liner.
13. The “Someone You Loved”: Lewis Capaldi has officially become the voice of every heartbreak in 2019.
14. The Once Upon a Time in Hollywood Feet: Quentin Tarantino made a movie about the 60s, and I’m pretty sure 40% of the screen time was just people’s toes.
15. The “7 Rings” Ariana: I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it. Well, I see it, I like it, I check my balance, I leave it.
16. The Midsommar Flower Crown: I’m never going to a Swedish festival. Or a field. Or near anyone wearing a white dress.
17. The “Senorita” Chemistry: Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello. We all knew they were dating, but they spent six months pretending they were “just friends” while singing a very suggestive song.
18. The John Wick 3 Horse Chase: He’s killing people with books and horses now. John Wick has officially run out of traditional weapons.
19. The “Sucker” Jonas Brothers: They’re back, they’re married, and they’re singing about being suckers for their wives. 2019 is a very “wholesome” year for boy bands.
20. The Us Scissors: Jordan Peele made me afraid of bunnies, red jumpsuits, and my own reflection.
21. The “Dance Monkey” Tones and I: This song has been playing in every grocery store on Earth since July. I’m currently doing the “monkey dance” while picking out apples.
22. The Irishman Length: I spent three and a half hours watching Robert De Niro get de-aged. It was a masterpiece, but I had to pause it four times to stretch my legs.
23. The “Sunflower” Post Malone: The official anthem of every kid who saw the Spider-Man movie three times.
24. The 1917 One-Shot: A war movie that looks like it never stops. I left the theater feeling like I’d personally run across France.
25. The “Bad Liar” Imagine Dragons: They’re still here, and they’re still the kings of the mid-tempo dramatic chorus.
26. The Rocketman Sparkle: Taron Egerton as Elton John. 2019 is the year of the “Legendary Musician Biopic.”
27. The “Circles” Post Malone: I’m running in circles. Usually just between my bed, the fridge, and my desk.
28. The Marriage Story Argument: Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson shouting at each other. It’s the most intense 2019 meme material.
29. The “Sweet but Psycho”: Ava Max just brought back the 2010 Gaga-pop vibe and I’m 100% here for it.
30. The Uncut Gems Stress: I didn’t breathe for two hours. Adam Sandler just gave me a permanent heart condition.
31. The “Memories” Maroon 5: A song that makes me nostalgic for things that happened three weeks ago.
32. The Lion King Live-Action: It looks exactly like a nature documentary, but the lions have the voices of Beyoncé and Donald Glover. 2019 is weird.
33. The “Don’t Start Now”: Dua Lipa just saved disco. I’m currently doing a hair flip in my living room.
34. The Cats Trailer: I’ve never seen a collective internet scream like the one that happened when we saw the “human-faced cats.”
35. The “Talk” Khalid: Can we just talk? About how Khalid is the official voice of a “chill 2019 Sunday.”
36. The Ford v Ferrari Speed: A movie that made me want to drive fast, but my 2012 hatchback said “no.”
37. The “Beautiful People” Ed & Khalid: Ed Sheeran is still the king of the collaboration album.
38. The Little Women Coats: Saoirse Ronan and Timothée Chalamet. 2019 is the year of “Yearning in the Snow.”
39. The “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM”: Travis Scott is still the king of the “auto-tune psychedelic” vibe.
40. The Aladdin Will Smith: He’s blue. He’s a genie. It was actually better than we expected, but I’m still confused by the CGI.
41. The “ME!” Taylor Swift: Spelling is fun! 2019 is the year Taylor decided to be as colorful as a bag of Skittles.
42. The Fast & Furious: Hobbs & Shaw: They’ve officially left the “racing” part behind and are now just two guys fighting a bionic Idris Elba.
43. The “Lover” Taylor Swift: She’s back to the romantic ballads, and I’m back to crying in my car.
44. The Maleficent: Mistress of Evil: More cheekbones, more wings, and Michelle Pfeiffer. 2019 is a “villain” year.
45. The “Graveyard” Halsey: She’s still moody, she’s still talented, and she’s still 2019.
46. The Shazam! Humility: A superhero movie that finally remembered that having powers would actually be fun.
47. The “Roxanne” Arizona Zervas: The official song of every 2019 TikTok transition video.
48. The It Chapter Two: Pennywise is back, and he’s an adult-sized problem now.
49. The “Juice” Lizzo: If I’m shinin’, everybody gonna shine. 2019 is the year of “Positive Energy Pop.”
50. The Terminator: Dark Fate: Sarah Connor is back! She’s still the coolest person in the apocalypse.
51. The “Bury a Friend” Billie: I want to end me. Billie Eilish just made “horror-pop” a thing.
52. The Toy Story 4 Fork: A sentient piece of trash named “Forky” just had an existential crisis. He is the most relatable character of 2019.
53. The “Wow.” Post Malone: He’s still the most successful guy with face tattoos in human history.
54. The Detective Pikachu Fur: He’s fluffy! I spent the whole movie wanting to pet a CGI Ryan Reynolds.
55. The “Panini” Lil Nas X: He’s not a one-hit wonder! The 2019 “Chowder” reference I didn’t know I needed.
56. The Dark Fate Arnie: “I won’t be back.” 2019 is the year of “Closing the Chapters.”
57. The “Hot Girl Summer”: Megan Thee Stallion just gave every girl a 2019 mission statement.
58. The Men in Black: International: Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson. They have great chemistry, but I still miss the pug.
59. The “Speechless” Naomi Scott: The official song for every 2019 girl who is done being quiet.
60. The Spider-Man: Far From Home: Peter is in Europe and Mysterio is a liar. 2019 is the year we realized we can’t trust Jake Gyllenhaal.
61. The “Everything I Wanted”: More Billie. She’s the 2019 mood board.
62. The Jojo Rabbit Satire: A movie about a kid with an imaginary friend who is… well, Hitler. 2019 was a very brave year for comedy.
63. The “Blinding Lights” (Early): The Weeknd is starting the 80s-synth revolution that will define the next two years.
64. The Frozen 2 “Into the Unknown”: Elsa is chasing a voice. I’m chasing my lost AirPods.
65. The 2019 iPhone 11 Pro: Three cameras! It looks like a stovetop. I’m currently taking a 0.5x photo of my own shoes.
66. The 2019 AirPods Pro: They have noise cancellation. I can finally ignore the world in high definition.
67. The 2019 Stadia Launch: Google says I can stream games without a console. My internet says “No, you cannot.”
68. The 2019 Popeyes Chicken Sandwich: People are fighting in the streets over a piece of fried chicken. 2019 is the year of the “Viral Sandwich.”
69. The 2019 Nintendo Ring Fit Adventure: I’m jogging in place while holding a plastic circle. I’ve never been so tired while playing a video game.
70. The 2019 Optimism: We’ve finished the Avengers, we’ve finished Game of Thrones, and we’re entering a new decade. 2020 is going to be the most normal, boring year ever.