75 Observational One-Liners: The 2018 Snap Reality

Step into 2018 – the year of the Infinity War heartbreak, the global takeover of TikTok, and the moment we all realized that Elon Musk sent a car into deep space just for the “vibes.” It was the era of the “In My Feelings” car-jumping challenge and the summer when we all asked “Yanny or Laurel?” while our brains slowly melted. Here is the observational archive of 2018.

The 2018 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Thanos Snap: I just watched half of my favorite superheroes turn into dust. I’ve never felt so personally attacked by a giant purple man with a glove full of jewelry. 2018 is the year I realized “part one” means “prepare for emotional trauma.”
2. The TikTok Merge: Musical.ly is gone, and now there’s an app called TikTok where people are lip-syncing to jokes I don’t understand. I’m 24 and I’ve never felt more like a senior citizen.
3. The Yanny vs. Laurel Debate: I hear “Yanny,” my roommate hears “Laurel,” and my dog just looks at us like we’re the reason the species is failing. 2018 is the year of the auditory glitch.
4. The Fortnite “Floss” Dance: I can’t walk through a grocery store without seeing a ten-year-old swinging their arms like a malfunctioning windmill. It’s not a dance; it’s a physical therapy exercise gone wrong.
5. The Bird Box Challenge: Netflix told us not to drive blindfolded, which means someone actually tried it. 2018 is the year we needed a “Don’t Be An Idiot” warning for streaming content.
6. The Black Panther “Wakanda Forever”: I’ve been crossing my arms over my chest for six months. It’s the official 2018 salute for everyone who wants to feel part of a superior civilization.
7. The In My Feelings Challenge: People are literally jumping out of moving cars to dance to Drake. I’m just jumping into my bed to avoid social interaction.
8. The Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse: A movie that looks like a comic book came to life and slapped me in the face with pure style. Finally, a Spider-Man movie that understands my aesthetic.
9. The Red Dead Redemption 2 Realism: I just spent three hours brushng a digital horse and watching its hair grow. I haven’t showered in two days, but my horse looks magnificent.
10. The Bohemian Rhapsody Stomp: “STOMP-STOMP-CLAP!” If I hear this in a stadium, I’m legally required to participate. Rami Malek’s jawline just won an Oscar.

The Full 2018 Archive (Extended List)

11. The “Shallow” Scream: Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. I’m currently “off the deep end” and I’m definitely “watching as I dive in” to my third tub of ice cream this week.
12. The Quiet Place Silence: I’ve never been so afraid to eat popcorn in a theater. I spent two hours trying to breathe as quietly as a mouse with a cold.
13. The “God’s Plan” Philanthropy: Drake is giving away money in a grocery store. I’m just waiting for him to show up at my local Aldi and pay for my generic cereal.
14. The Hereditary Tongue Click: If I hear that “cluck” sound in a dark room, I am moving to a different dimension.
15. The “Thank U, Next” Mantra: Ariana Grande just gave every person on earth a polite way to tell their ex to get lost.
16. The Venom “Tater Tot”: A terrifying alien symbiote that just wants to eat tater tots and call Tom Hardy “pussy.” 2018 was a weird year for anti-heroes.
17. The “This Is America” Symbolism: Childish Gambino just made the most important music video of the decade, and I spent four hours on Reddit trying to understand every frame.
18. The Crazy Rich Asians Luxury: A movie that made me realize I’m “Crazy Poor” and my “Asian” food is just instant noodles.
19. The “I Like It” Cardi B: Bad Bunny and J Balvin. 2018 is the year Latin Trap officially conquered the world.
20. The Mission: Impossible – Fallout Bathroom Fight: Henry Cavill “reloading” his arms is the most masculine thing I’ve ever seen.
21. The “Girls Like You” Video: Every woman in Hollywood is in this video. Maroon 5 is basically the “Avengers” of pop-rock cameos.
22. The Deadpool 2 “Baby Legs”: I can never un-see Ryan Reynolds with toddler legs. 2018 is the year of the “disturbing CGI.”
23. The “Lucid Dreams” Juice WRLD: I still see your shadows in my room. 2018 is the year of the “Emo-Rap” explosion.
24. The Solo: A Star Wars Story: We found out how he got his name, his gun, and his vest. Now I just want to find out where I parked my car.
25. The “One Kiss” Dua Lipa: Calvin Harris is back. 2018 sounds like a summer in Ibiza with a very expensive cocktail.
26. The Ocean’s 8 Heist: Rihanna, Sandra Bullock, and Cate Blanchett. I’d let them rob me and I’d probably say “thank you.”
27. The “Nice for What” Bounce: Drake is sampling Lauryn Hill and celebrating women. 2018 is a very “empowering” year for the 6 God.
28. The Halloween Reboot: Michael Myers is back, he’s old, and he’s still really good at walking slowly behind people.
29. The “High Hopes” Panic!: I spent the whole year having high hopes for a living. Mostly just hoping my phone battery lasts until 5 PM.
30. The Aquaman Underwater Hair: Jason Momoa and Amber Heard. I spent two hours wondering how their hair looks so perfect in a 100% humidity environment.
31. The “Meant to Be” Bebe Rexha: A country-pop song that stayed on the charts for approximately 400 years.
32. The Searching Desktop Mystery: A movie that takes place entirely on a computer screen. It’s like watching my dad try to find a PDF, but with more drama.
33. The “Taki Taki” Snake: DJ Snake, Selena, Ozuna, and Cardi. 2018 is 50% Spanish, and I’m 100% okay with that.
34. The First Man Nausea: Ryan Gosling went to the moon and all I got was a very realistic sense of motion sickness.
35. The “Eastside” Benny Blanco: Halsey and Khalid. The official song for every 2018 night drive.
36. The Bumble “First Move” Era: I’m waiting for her to message me. She’s waiting for me to be interesting. It’s a stalemate.
37. The “Psycho” Post Malone: Ty Dolla $ign is on this. 2018 is a very “mellow-melancholy” year for rap.
38. The Mowgli vs. Jungle Book: Why are there two? Why does the bear look so sad in this one?
39. The “Nonstop” Drake: I just flipped a switch (flip-flip). The official song of every 2018 outfit change video.
40. The Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Grindelwald: I’ve seen this movie twice and I still have no idea what the crime was.
41. The “All The Stars” Kendrick & SZA: The Black Panther soundtrack is the only thing I’ve listened to for three months.
42. The Game Night “Pictionary”: “Oh no, he’s got a glass table!” The funniest 2018 movie that didn’t have a superhero in it.
43. The “Youngblood” 5SOS: They’re not a boy band anymore; they’re “80s-alt-rockers” now.
44. The Mary Poppins Returns: Emily Blunt is perfect, but I’m still waiting for her to do a “Devil Wears Prada” crossover.
45. The “No Brainer” DJ Khaled: Another one. Literally. Another song that sounds exactly like the last one.
46. The BlacKkKlansman “Phone Call”: John David Washington and Adam Driver. The most intense and hilarious history lesson of the year.
47. The “Natural” Imagine Dragons (Still): They are the official managers of every “epic” commercial on TV.
48. The Isn’t It Romantic Parody: Rebel Wilson trapped in a PG-13 rom-com. 2018 is the year we finally admitted the genre is ridiculous.
49. The “Better Now” Post Malone (Still): He’s still sad. He’s still got face tattoos. He’s still the king of the radio.
50. The Grinch (Cumberbatch): He’s a hipster Grinch now. He probably drinks oat milk lattes and listens to podcasts.
51. The “Finesse” Remix: Bruno Mars and Cardi B. 1992 called and it wants its neon windbreaker back.
52. The Isle of Dogs Sneeze: Wes Anderson and stop-motion dogs. It’s the most “niche” thing I’ve ever loved.
53. The “Solo” Clean Bandit: Demi Lovato is singing about being solo. 2018 is a very “independent” year.
54. The Widows Heist: Viola Davis is the boss. 2018 is the year of the “prestige action thriller.”
55. The “Shotgun” George Ezra: Everyone in the UK is singing about a yellow and green stick. 2018 is a very “folk-pop” summer.
56. The Upgrade Action: A movie about a guy with a computer in his neck who fights like a robot. It’s the “John Wick” of sci-fi.
57. The “Leave a Light On”: Tom Walker is making us all feel things in our soul.
58. The Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom: They’re on an island. It’s exploding. Again. Why do people keep going to this island?
59. The “Middle” Zedd: Maren Morris and Grey. The official song for when you’re stuck in traffic in 2018.
60. The Green Book Road Trip: Viggo Mortensen eating fried chicken. 2018 is the year of the “controversial Best Picture.”
61. The “Sad!” XXXTentacion: 2018 is the year the “SoundCloud Rap” era reached the mainstream.
62. The Suspiria Dance: I’ve never been so terrified of contemporary dance in my entire life.
63. The “Jackie Chan” Tiësto: Post Malone and Preme. 2018 is the year of the “EDM-Rap” crossover.
64. The Vice Transformation: Christian Bale became Dick Cheney. At this point, I’m convinced Bale can turn into a cloud if the role requires it.
65. The “Be Alright” Dean Lewis: The official song for when you’re staring out a rainy window and thinking about your life choices.
66. The 2018 Fortnite World Cup: People are winning millions of dollars for playing a video game. I’m currently paying $15 for a burger. I chose the wrong career.
67. The 2018 Apple Watch Series 4: It can detect if I fall. My watch is now my mother.
68. The 2018 Facebook “Cambridge Analytica” Scandal: I just found out my quiz about “Which Disney Princess are you?” was actually a data harvesting operation. I’m Ariel, but with less privacy.
69. The 2018 Tesla “Smoked” Podcast: Elon Musk just inhaled something on a live stream and the stock market had a mini-heart attack.
70. The 2018 Instagram IGTV: They want us to watch vertical videos for 60 minutes. I can barely watch a 30-second microwave timer.
71. The 2018 Nintendo Labo: I just paid $70 for some cardboard. My cat and I are currently fighting over who gets the box.
72. The 2018 Google Duplex: A robot just called a hair salon and made an appointment. I’m 40% impressed and 60% ready for the machine uprising.
73. The 2018 Royal Wedding (Harry & Meghan): I woke up early to watch another royal wedding. I’m starting to think I just really like hats and carriages.
74. The 2018 ASMR Explosion: I’m watching a girl whisper into a microphone while tapping on a plastic bottle. 2018 is the year we all discovered we have “brain tingles.”
75. The 2018 Optimism: We’ve survived the Snap, we’ve got TikTok, and the cars are in space. Surely 2019 will be the most stable year of the decade.