74 Observational One-Liners: The 2022 Slap & Soar

Step into 2022 – the year of the Top Gun: Maverick resurgence, the Wordle daily ritual, and the “slap heard ’round the world” at the Oscars. It was the era of the “Corn Kid” and the summer when we all realized that Kate Bush was back on the charts thanks to a bunch of kids in a van fighting a demon named Vecna. Here is the observational archive of 2022.

The 2022 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Oscar Slap: I just watched the Fresh Prince walk on stage and reset the entire internet’s memory of the actual awards. 2022 is the year we realized live TV is still the most unpredictable thing on earth.
2. The Top Gun: Maverick G-Force: Tom Cruise just made me want to join the Navy at age 40. I’m currently wearing aviators and a flight jacket while driving my minivan to the supermarket.
3. The Wordle Grid: My Twitter feed is 90% green, yellow, and gray squares. 2022 is the year our collective intelligence was measured by our ability to find a 5-letter word before lunch.
4. The Stranger Things “Running Up That Hill”: Kate Bush just became the biggest artist of 2022 because a girl in 1986 listened to a Walkman. Nostalgia is a powerful time machine.
5. The Elden Ring Death Loop: I’ve died 400 times to a guy on a horse in a golden suit. I’m not playing a game; I’m participating in a digital endurance test.
6. The Corn Kid Joy: “It’s corn! A big lump with knobs.” 2022 is the year a child’s love for a vegetable became more inspiring than any political speech.
7. The BeReal Notification: It’s 3:45 PM and the app just told me to “Be Real.” I’m currently in bed eating cereal and wearing a shirt from 2012. You asked for it, BeReal.
8. The Glass Onion Mystery: A movie about a tech billionaire on a private island who is actually an idiot. 2022 is the year the “Billionaire Genius” myth officially started to crack.
9. The “Everything Everywhere” Rocks: I just spent ten minutes watching two rocks with googly eyes have a subtitled conversation and I’ve never felt more understood by a movie.
10. The House of the Dragon Wigs: We’re back in Westeros, the dragons are bigger, and everyone has a wig that looks like it was made from very expensive white silk.

The Full 2022 Archive (Extended List)

11. The “As It Was” Harry Styles: He’s running on a giant treadmill and 2022 is the year Harry officially became the prince of pop-rock.
12. The Elvis Pink Suit: Austin Butler still hasn’t lost the accent. 2022 is the year of “Thank you very much” and a lot of hip-shaking.
13. The “About Damn Time” Lizzo: It’s bad bitch o’clock, it’s thick-thirty. 2022 is the year of “High Energy Self-Love.”
14. The Batman “Something in the Way”: Robert Pattinson is the moodiest Batman ever. 2022 is a very “eyeliner-and-rain” year.
15. The “Unholy” Sam Smith: They’re doing something unholy at the body shop. 2022 is the year of the “TikTok-Viral-Burlesque.”
16. The Wednesday Dance: I’ve seen 4 million people do the Jenna Ortega dance to a sped-up Lady Gaga song. 2022 is a “Goth-Pop” winter.
17. The “First Class” Jack Harlow: He sampled Fergie and now I’m back in 2006 but with more “Gen Z” swagger.
18. The Avatar: The Way of Water: It took 13 years, but we’re back on Pandora. It’s blue, it’s wet, and my 3D glasses are still heavy.
19. The “Anti-Hero” Taylor: “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” The official anthem for everyone who is currently overthinking their life.
20. The Minions: The Rise of Gru “Gentleminions”: High schoolers are wearing suits to a kids’ movie. 2022 irony is reaching dangerous levels.
21. The “Cuff It” Beyoncé: Renaissance is here. 2022 is the year the dance floor officially reopened for business.
22. The Bullet Train Chaos: Brad Pitt just wants a bucket hat and some peace, but everyone keeps hitting him on a train. Relatable.
23. The “Bad Habit” Steve Lacy: I wish I knew you wanted me. 2022 is the year of “Lo-Fi R&B” domination.
24. The Smile Fear: I’m never looking at anyone who is smiling at me ever again. 2022 is a bad year for dental hygiene.
25. The “Tití Me Preguntó” Bad Bunny: Un Verano Sin Ti is the only album playing in every car, beach, and grocery store in the world.
26. The Nope Cloud: Jordan Peele made me afraid of the sky. Again. 2022 is a very “suspicious-cloud” year.
27. The “Super Freaky Girl” Nicki: Rick James is back via a sample, and Nicki is back at the top of the charts.
28. The Black Panther: Wakanda Forever Tears: A beautiful tribute to a king. 2022 is the year we all said a final goodbye to T’Challa.
29. The “Made You Look” Meghan: She’s wearing Gucci, she’s wearing Louis, but she still looks like 2014-era pop and I’m okay with it.
30. The Barbarian Twist: I went in for a basement mystery and left with a permanent fear of Airbnb and long-haired women.
31. The “Me Porto Bonito”: More Bad Bunny. He is the official narrator of the year 2022.
32. The Men Cooking “The Bear”: “Yes, Chef!” “Behind!” 2022 is the year we all started talking like we work in a high-pressure Chicago kitchen.
33. The “Bones” Imagine Dragons (Still): They are still the kings of the “Epic Show” soundtrack.
34. The Triangle of Sadness Seasickness: I’ve never seen so much vomiting in a prestige movie. 2022 is a “messy” year for the rich.
35. The “Heat Waves” (Wait, still?!): This song is the indestructible wall of the 2020s.
36. The Puss in Boots: The Last Wish: Why is a sequel about a cartoon cat the most intense action movie of the year? Death is a wolf and he’s terrifying.
37. The “Sunroof” Nicky Youre: The official song for when you’re driving with the windows down and have zero worries.
38. The Dr. Strange: Multiverse of Madness: Wanda just turned into a horror villain. 2022 is the year of “Evil Mom Energy.”
39. The “Glimpse of Us” Joji: The official song for when you’re looking at your current partner but thinking about your ex. 2022 is a “sad” year.
40. The Thor: Love and Thunder Screaming Goats: I spent $15 to watch two giant goats scream for two hours. Marvel is in its “Experimental Comedy” phase.
41. The “Vegas” Doja Cat: She sampled Elvis and made the coolest song of the summer.
42. The Jurassic World: Dominion: They’re in the city now. It’s basically a nature documentary, but with more Chris Pratt.
43. The “Big Energy” Latto: Mariah Carey is on the remix! 2022 is a very “reclaimed-90s-sample” year.
44. The Pearl “I’m a Star!”: Mia Goth just gave us the most relatable 2022 monologue for anyone who is tired of their job.
45. The “Left and Right” Charlie Puth: Jung Kook is on this! The K-pop-Western crossovers are getting smoother.
46. The Scream 5 (Scream): A “requel.” They’re making fun of movies while they’re in a movie about making fun of movies. Meta-2022.
47. The “Numb Little Bug”: Em Beihold just described my entire 2022 mental state in two minutes.
48. The Uncharted Movie: Tom Holland is Nathan Drake. It’s basically Spider-Man but with more treasure and no mask.
49. The “Staying Alive” DJ Khaled: Drake and Lil Baby. They’re still here, and they’re still “Staying Alive.”
50. The Morbius “Morb” Meme: It’s Morbin’ Time! A movie that was so bad the internet convinced the studio to release it twice just to watch it fail again.
51. The “Golden Hour” JVKE: The official song for every sunset video on the internet.
52. The Prehistoric Planet: David Attenborough talking about CGI dinosaurs. 2022 is the year I finally learned that a T-Rex can swim.
53. The “Wait in the Truck”: Hardy and Lainey Wilson. 2022 is a very “Dark Country” year.
54. The Sonic 2 Knuckles: Idris Elba is a red echidna with a very serious voice. 2022 is peak “Why not?”
55. The “Shirt” SZA: She’s back. Finally. The SZA drought is over.
56. The Turning Red Panda: A movie that proved that teenage girls are chaotic, emotional, and sometimes giant red pandas.
57. The “I’m Good (Blue)”: David Guetta and Bebe Rexha. We’ve reached the point where we’re just remixing 1998 hits for the club.
58. The Fire of Love Documentary: A movie about a couple who loved each other almost as much as they loved active volcanoes.
59. The “Victoria’s Secret” Jax: She just told us that the brand was made up by a guy in Ohio. 2022 is the year of “Exposing the Secret.”
60. The Black Adam “Hierarchy”: The Rock said the hierarchy of power was going to change. It didn’t, but the suit was cool.
61. The “Lift Me Up” Rihanna: She’s back! After six years. It’s a ballad and we’re all crying.
62. The 2022 Dyson Zone: A pair of headphones that also has a face mask for air filtration. I look like a high-tech Bane.
63. The 2022 Twitter “Bird” Purchase: Elon Musk owns the bird now. I’m currently watching the site set itself on fire in real-time.
64. The 2022 James Webb Telescope: We saw the “Pillars of Creation” in high-def. The universe is huge and I still can’t find my keys.
65. The 2022 ChatGPT Launch (Late 2022): Someone just told me a computer can write my emails for me. I’m currently asking it to write a poem about cheese. The future is here.
66. The 2022 Lensa AI Portraits: Everyone on my feed is a digital elf or a space warrior. I just look like me but with six fingers.
67. The 2022 Gas Price Panic: I just paid $80 to fill up my tank. I’m currently considering buying a horse or a very fast bicycle.
68. The 2022 Quiet Quitting: I’m doing the bare minimum at work because I’ve realized that my job doesn’t love me back.
69. The 2022 Airfryer Supremacy: I haven’t used my actual oven in six months. If it can’t be airfried, it’s not food.
70. The 2022 Pink Sauce: A girl on TikTok made a sauce that is neon pink. People are eating it. 2022 is a “brave” year for the human stomach.
71. The 2022 Adam Levine DMs: “That body is absurd.” The official meme of the autumn.
72. The 2022 Queen Elizabeth Farewell: The end of an era. The queue to see her was so long it was visible from space.
73. The 2022 FIFA World Cup (Qatar): Messi finally got the trophy. 2022 ended with the greatest soccer game ever played.
74. The 2022 Optimism: We’ve got AI, we’ve got Maverick, and Messi is the goat. Surely 2023 will be a very calm, settled year.