82 Observational One-Liners: The 2020 Great Pause

Step into 2020 – the year of the Zoom fatigue, the Animal Crossing sanctuary, and the moment we all realized that Joe Exotic and his tigers were the only thing we could all agree to talk about. It was the era of the “Savage” TikTok dance and the summer when we all became amateur bakers obsessed with sourdough starters. Here is the observational archive of 2020.

The 2020 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Zoom Formal: I’m wearing a professional shirt, a tie, and a blazer from the waist up, and Batman pajama pants with fuzzy slippers from the waist down. 2020 is the year of the “Corporate Mullet.”
2. The Tiger King Escape: I just watched seven hours of a man with a mullet fighting a woman in flower crowns over big cats. This is the only thing that makes sense in a world where I have to wash my groceries with bleach.
3. The Sourdough Obsession: I’ve named my yeast starter “Clint Yeastwood.” I spend four hours a day talking to a jar of fermented flour because it’s the only thing in my house that doesn’t ask me for a status report.
4. The Animal Crossing Economy: I just spent three hours fishing on a virtual island to pay off a mortgage to a raccoon. It’s significantly more rewarding than my actual career right now.
5. The Mute Button Struggle: “You’re on mute.” “Can you hear me now?” “Your screen is frozen.” 2010 had the vuvuzela; 2020 has the soundtrack of technological incompetence.
6. The Hand Sanitizer Bouquet: I now judge people by the quality of their sanitizer. Is it “medical grade” or does it smell like a failed batch of cheap tequila?
7. The Tenet Confusion: I watched a movie where people walk backwards and I still don’t know if the protagonist saved the world or if I just need to watch it three more times with subtitles on.
8. The Among Us Betrayal: I just spent my evening accusing my best friend of being an “imposter” in a virtual space station. 2020 is the year we learned we can’t trust anyone in a neon spacesuit.
9. The WAP Controversy: Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion just caused a global meltdown over a song about… cleaning floors? 2020 is a very “hydrated” year for pop music.
10. The Year That Wasn’t: I just looked at my 2020 planner and the only thing written in it after March is “BUY TOILET PAPER” in all caps and red ink.

The Full 2020 Archive (Extended List)

11. The “Blinding Lights” Dance: I’ve seen 4,000 families do this synchronized dance in their living rooms. 2020 is the year the Weeknd became the official gym teacher of the world.
12. The Hamilton Disney+ Drop: I finally saw the play! Now I can sing all the words to a historical rap while sitting on my sofa in a bathrobe.
13. The “Savage” Megan Thee Stallion: Classy, bougie, ratchet. I’m currently just “sweaty, bored, and hungry.”
14. The Queen’s Gambit Fever: I just bought a chess set because a girl with big eyes made it look cool. I’ve lost 15 games in a row to a computer level 1.
15. The “Say So” Doja Cat: The official song of every girl trying to record a TikTok while her mom walks in the background with a vacuum cleaner.
16. The Parasite Oscar Win: The first non-English film to win Best Picture. 2020 started with so much hope in February.
17. The “Dynamite” BTS: K-Pop has officially conquered the universe. 2020 sounds like disco-pop and high-energy choreography.
18. The Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: “Very nice!” 2020 needed a man in a “face mask” mankini more than we cared to admit.
19. The “Watermelon Sugar” High: Harry Styles is eating fruit on a beach. 2010 was “Styles,” 2020 is “Icon.”
20. The Invisible Man Paranoia: A movie that made me suspicious of every empty chair in my own house.
21. The “Rockstar” DaBaby: Roddy Ricch is on this too. 2020 is a very “melodic trap” year.
22. The Extraction Action: Chris Hemsworth fighting in a 12-minute long take. It’s the most adrenaline I’ve felt while sitting on a pile of laundry.
23. The “Positions” Ariana: She’s the President in the video. In 2020, I’d vote for her just for the high notes.
24. The Enola Holmes Mystery: Millie Bobby Brown is Sherlock’s sister. 2020 is the year of the “Gen Z Victorian” aesthetic.
25. The “Levitating” Dua Lipa: She’s still saving disco, and I’m still dancing in my kitchen.
26. The Sonic the Hedgehog Redesign: We complained, they fixed it, and it was actually a good movie. 2020 is full of surprises.
27. The “Don’t Start Now” (Still): It’s the anthem of social distancing. “Don’t show up, don’t come out.”
28. The Umbrella Academy Season 2: Time travel, a talking goldfish, and 2020 weirdness. It fits the mood perfectly.
29. The “Mood” 24kGoldn: Why you always in a mood? Because I haven’t left my house in six months, Iann Dior.
30. The Wonder Woman 1984 Mall: High-waisted pants, fanny packs, and a golden eagle suit. 2020 ended with a lot of neon.
31. The “Cardigan” Taylor Swift: She went into the woods and came out with a folk album. 2020 is Taylor’s “Cozy” era.
32. The Mandalorian “Baby Yoda” (Still): His name is Grogu, but he will always be Baby Yoda to my heart and my toy shelf.
33. The “Toosie Slide” Drake: Left foot up, right foot slide. Drake wrote a song specifically so we wouldn’t trip over our own coffee tables.
34. The Bad Boys for Life: They’re still bad boys, they’re just slightly more concerned about their cholesterol now.
35. The “Therefore I Am” Billie: She’s eating a pretzel in an empty mall. 2020 is Billie Eilish’s spirit animal.
36. The Birds of Prey Colors: Margot Robbie is back, and she’s got a hyena and a breakfast sandwich.
37. The “Rain on Me” Gaga & Ariana: I’d rather be dry, but at least I’m alive. The unofficial 2020 anthem of resilience.
38. The Soul Piano: Pixar made a movie about the afterlife and jazz. I’m currently crying over a 2D soul who loves pizza.
39. The “Laugh Now Cry Later”: Drake is at the Nike headquarters. 2020 is a very “athleisure” year for rap.
40. The Trial of the Chicago 7: Sacha Baron Cohen is serious now. 2020 is the year of the “Prestige Courtroom Drama.”
41. The “Roses” Imanbek Remix: The song that played at every single “virtual” party this year.
42. The 1917 (Still): I finally watched it on my small laptop. The scale was smaller, but the anxiety was the same.
43. The “Life Is Good” Future: Drake and Future pretending to have normal jobs. 2020 irony at its peak.
44. The Mulan Remake: No singing, no Mushu, but a lot of wire-work. 2020 is the year of the “Premium Access” fee.
45. The “Dakiti” Bad Bunny: Jhay Cortez and the bunny. 2020 is the year Reggaeton went fully “intergalactic.”
46. The Emma Style: Anya Taylor-Joy proved that 1815 was just as petty and stylish as 2020.
47. The “Circles” (Still): Post Malone is still running in circles. He’s the most consistent thing in my life.
48. The Da 5 Bloods Intensity: Spike Lee just gave us the most powerful history lesson of the summer.
49. The “Holy” Justin Bieber: He’s singing about God and Chance the Rapper is there too. 2020 is a “Spiritual-Pop” year.
50. The Eurovision Movie: “Jaja Ding Dong!” The only thing that made me smile in June.
51. The “Popstar” DJ Khaled: Justin Bieber is in the video because Drake couldn’t make it to Canada. 2020 logistics.
52. The Happiest Season Drama: Kristen Stewart and a closeted Christmas. 2020 is for the “Holiday Rom-Com” fans.
53. The “Adore You” Harry (Still): He’s friends with a giant fish. I identified with the fish.
54. The Love and Monsters Premise: Giant bugs took over the world and we all have to live in bunkers. It feels like a documentary.
55. The “Midnight Sky” Miley: She’s got a mullet and a disco ball. Miley is the 2020 glam-rock queen.
56. The Palm Springs Time Loop: I’m living the same day over and over again. Oh wait, that’s just the movie. No, wait, that’s my life too.
57. The “Breaking Me” Topic: Topic and A7S. 2020 is 40% German deep house.
58. The Greyhounds Tension: Tom Hanks on a boat. Again. He is the king of “Stressful Transport.”
59. The “Willow” Taylor: More woods, more magic, more cardigans. Evermore is the winter sequel we all needed.
60. The King of Staten Island: Pete Davidson playing Pete Davidson. It was surprisingly sweet for a movie about tattoos and firemen.
61. The “Hawái” Maluma: He’s crying on Instagram because his ex is in Hawaii. 2020 is a “heartbroken” year for Latin pop.
62. The On the Rocks Martini: Bill Murray and Rashida Jones driving around New York. 2020 is the year of the “Sophisticated Indulgence.”
63. The “Kings & Queens” Ava Max: She’s still the queen of the 2010s throwback sound.
64. The Gentlemen Style: Guy Ritchie is back with tracksuits and Matthew McConaughey.
65. The “Head & Heart” Joel Corry: MNEK’s voice is the only thing keeping me motivated on my living room treadmill.
66. The Scoob! Mystery: Shaggy and Scooby in 2020. They still love snacks. I relate to them more than ever.
67. The “Gooba” 6ix9ine: He’s back, he’s colorful, and he’s loud. 2020 is a very “noisy” year for the internet.
68. The Promising Young Woman Twist: Emerald Fennell just ruined every “nice guy” trope in Hollywood.
69. The “I’m Ready” Sam Smith & Demi: They’re at an Olympic training camp for singing. 2020 is a year of “Thematic Excess.”
70. The 2020 iPhone 12: It doesn’t come with a charger. Apple says it’s for the environment. I say it’s so I have to spend another $20.
71. The 2020 PlayStation 5: It looks like a giant futuristic router. I’ve been trying to buy one for three months and all I have is a “404 Page Not Found.”
72. The 2020 NVIDIA RTX 3080: A graphics card that is more mythical than a unicorn and twice as expensive as my first car.
73. The 2020 Quibi Fail: I just paid for a service that shows 5-minute movies on my phone. And… it’s gone.
74. The 2020 Dalgona Coffee: I just spent 20 minutes whisking instant coffee and sugar until my arm fell off. It tastes like… sweet coffee.
75. The 2020 Monolith Mystery: There are metal pillars appearing in deserts. At this point, I’m just waiting for the aliens to land and give us a review of Tiger King.
76. The 2020 Binley Mega Chippy (Wait, that’s later): My brain is a soup of viral trends.
77. The 2020 Flight Simulator: I spent two hours flying over my own house just to see if my car was parked in the driveway.
78. The 2020 Peloton High: I’m being yelled at by a very fit person in a screen. I’m currently crying while pedaling to a Lizzo remix.
79. The 2020 Sourdough “Discard”: I have so much extra yeast I’m considering using it as a mattress.
80. The 2020 Face Mask Fashion: My mask matches my shirt, which matches my socks, which matches my general sense of existential dread.
81. The 2020 “Nature is Healing”: There are dolphins in the canals (fake) and I just saw a squirrel in my kitchen (real).
82. The 2020 Optimism: We’ve got the vaccine news, we’ve got a new decade ahead, and 2021 is going to be the “Grand Reopening” of the world. Surely it’ll be a smooth transition.