67 Observational One-Liners: The 2023 Barbenheimer Burn

Step into 2023 – the year we all wore pink to watch a movie about existential dread and then immediately watched a three-hour film about the atomic bomb. It was the era of the “Wes Anderson” TikTok filter, the launch of Threads, and the summer when we all realized that AI is either going to save us or write a very polite apology note while taking our jobs. Here is the observational archive of 2023.

The 2023 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Barbenheimer Paradox: I spent my Saturday wearing a hot pink suit to watch a doll have an existential crisis, followed by a three-hour black-and-white film about the man who built the “destroyer of worlds.” 2023 is the year of the ultimate emotional whiplash.
2. The ChatGPT Assistant: I just asked an AI to write an email to my boss, a 7-day meal plan, and a bedtime story about a depressed toaster. It did all three in ten seconds. I’m currently 40% impressed and 60% worried about my future as a sentient being.
3. The Eras Tour Economy: Taylor Swift just boosted the GDP of entire nations simply by showing up and singing for three hours. 2023 is the year we realized that “Swiftie” is no longer a fandom; it’s a global superpower.
4. The Threads Launch: We all joined a new app because we were mad at the bird app, stayed for 48 hours, and then collectively forgot our passwords. 2023 is the year of the “Digital Migration” that lasted one weekend.
5. The Mario Movie Jack Black: “Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches.” I’ve never seen a man in a Bowser suit sing a ballad with so much soul. 2023 is the year video game movies finally won.
6. The Wes Anderson Filter: I just filmed my breakfast with perfectly symmetrical framing and a yellow tint while looking straight into the camera with a deadpan expression. 2023 is the year my life became an aesthetic indie film.
7. The Roman Empire Question: I just asked my boyfriend how often he thinks about the Roman Empire and he said “daily.” I’m currently questioning everything I thought I knew about the male brain.
8. The Grimace Shake: People are pretending to pass out in purple puddles for a McDonald’s mascot. 2023 is the year of “Chaos Marketing” and I’m 100% here for it.
9. The Succession Finale: “I am the eldest boy!” The Roy family is gone, and now I have to find a new group of terrible billionaires to obsess over on Sunday nights.
10. The Apple Vision Pro: I just saw a video of someone wearing a $3,500 ski mask while walking their dog in a virtual park. 2023 is the year we officially decided that reality isn’t enough.

The Full 2023 Archive (Extended List)

11. The “Flowers” Miley: She can buy herself flowers and she can hold her own hand. 2023 is the year Miley Cyrus gave us the ultimate “Self-Care” anthem.
12. The John Wick 4 Stairs: He fell down those stairs for three minutes and I felt every single bump in my own 30-year-old knees.
13. The “Kill Bill” SZA: She’s thinking about killing her ex, and I’m thinking about how this song has been Number 1 since the beginning of time.
14. The Last of Us “Long, Long Time”: A show about mushrooms and zombies just made the entire world cry over a strawberry patch.
15. The “Paint The Town Red”: Doja Cat is a rebel, she’s a demon, and she’s the queen of the 2023 radio.
16. The Spider-Verse “Canon Event”: Everything bad that happens to me now is just a “canon event” for my character development. It doesn’t make it better, but it makes it “meta.”
17. The “Vampire” Olivia: She’s back, she’s still mad, and she’s still making me feel like a dramatic teenager in my Honda Civic.
18. The Bear “Yes, Chef!” (Still): The second season just dropped and now I’m shouting “COUTINUOUS!” at my microwave.
19. The “Calm Down” Rema & Selena: The song that played at every single 2023 event that had more than three people in attendance.
20. The Guardians Vol. 3 Tears: I went in for space jokes and came out needing therapy for a raccoon’s backstory.
21. The “Greedy” Tate McRae: She’s leading the 2000s-pop revival and I’m currently doing a hair flip in the gym locker room.
22. The Blue Beetle Humility: A superhero movie that is actually about a family that loves each other? 2023 is full of surprises.
23. The “Cruel Summer” Resurgence: A song from 2019 just became the hit of 2023. Taylor Swift is officially a time traveler.
24. The Wonka Style: Timothée Chalamet is a young Willy Wonka. He’s charming, he’s singing, and I’m still confused about the Oompa Loompa logistics.
25. The “Houdini” Dua Lipa: She’s back, she’s magic, and she’s still the queen of the high-energy dance floor.
26. The Poor Things Aesthetic: Emma Stone is a marvel, and I’ve never seen a movie that looks so much like a fever dream in a dollhouse.
27. The “Stick Season” Noah Kahan: The official anthem for anyone who is currently wearing a flannel shirt and feeling “Vermont-adjacent.”
28. The Indiana Jones 5 Farewell: Harrison Ford is 80 and he’s still punching Nazis. 2023 is the year of the “Final-Final-Final Adventure.”
29. The “Prada” Cassö & Raye: D-Block Europe is on this too. 2023 is 50% high-energy UK dance-rap.
30. The Saltburn Dance: I’ll never look at a bathtub or “Murder on the Dancefloor” the same way again. Thanks, Barry Keoghan.
31. The “Fast Car” Luke Combs: A 1988 Tracy Chapman song is back at Number 1. 2023 is the year of the “Perfect Cover.”
32. The Hunger Games Prequel: Snow was young and hot once? 2023 is the year of the “Villain Backstory” that actually works.
33. The “Water” Tyla: She’s pouring water on herself and the whole world is trying to do the dance. 2023 is a “sweaty” year for pop.
34. The Elemental “Fire & Water”: Pixar made a movie about a matchstick and a water droplet falling in love. It’s basically my last relationship.
35. The “Seven” Jung Kook: He’s loving you seven days a week. K-pop soloists are officially taking over the Western charts.
36. The Gran Turismo Truth: A movie about a kid who played a video game so much he became a real racer. My 4,000 hours in Minecraft are still waiting to pay off.
37. The “Used To Be Young”: Miley is getting sentimental. 2023 is the year of “Celebrity Reflection.”
38. The Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning: Tom Cruise drove a motorcycle off a cliff. At this point, the insurance premiums on his movies must be higher than the actual budget.
39. The “Agora Hills” Doja: She’s singing in a high-pitched voice and the video is weird. It’s 100% Doja.
40. The Talk to Me Hand: I’m never touching a ceramic hand or visiting a teenager’s party ever again.
41. The “Strangers” Kenya Grace: Drum and bass is back in the mainstream! 2023 sounds like a London club at 3 AM.
42. The Fast X Logic: They’re in Rome, they’re in space (again?), and Jason Momoa is a flamboyant villain who loves lavender. 10/10.
43. The “Is It Over Now?” Taylor: The Vault tracks are here. 2023 is the year of “1989 (Taylor’s Version)” and our collective obsession with blue polaroids.
44. The Napoleon Length: Ridley Scott and Joaquin Phoenix. A movie that proved that even the most powerful man in Europe was just a guy who wrote very needy letters to his wife.
45. The “Lovin On Me” Jack Harlow: He’s back with a “sweet” song and a 2023 mustache.
46. The Beef Rage: A show about a road rage incident that ruins two people’s lives. It’s the most 2023 thing I’ve ever seen.
47. The “What Was I Made For?” Billie: I’m currently crying over a Barbie montage. I’m a grown man. 2023 is a very “vulnerable” year.
48. The Across the Spider-Verse Cliffhanger: I have to wait until 2024 (or later) to see the ending? My patience is officially a “canon event.”
49. The “Lil Boo Thang”: Paul Russell just sampled “Best of My Love” and created the most infectious 2-minute song of the year.
50. The Beckhams Documentary: “Be honest!” 2023 is the year we all realized Victoria Beckham is actually hilarious.
51. The “Bongos” Cardi & Megan: They’re back together and the video has more colors than a box of highlighters.
52. The Evil Dead Rise Kitchen: I’ll never look at a cheese grater the same way again. 2023 is a “brutal” year for horror.
53. The “Sprinter” Dave & Central Cee: “Caribbean and Japanese.” The official anthem of every UK summer vibe.
54. The Barbie “Ken-ergy”: “I’m just Ken.” Ryan Gosling just became the hero of every man who is “enough” but still doesn’t have his own house.
55. The “Dance The Night”: Dua Lipa is the disco-ball queen. 2023 is the year of the “Movie-Soundtrack-Pop” era.
56. The Killers of the Flower Moon: A three-and-a-half-hour masterpiece. I spent the whole time being impressed by Lily Gladstone and wondering when I could go to the bathroom.
57. The “Not Strong Enough” boygenius: The “Indie Supergroup” just made me feel everything all at once.
58. The Scream VI Subway: Ghostface in New York. 2023 is the year of “Urban Slasher” paranoia.
59. The “On My Mama” Victoria Monét: She’s shinin’, she’s lookin’ good. 2023 is a very “confident” year for R&B.
60. The Asteroid City Symmetries: Wes Anderson went to the desert and I still don’t know what the play was about, but I loved the alien.
61. The “Idol” HBO Drama: It was weird, it was messy, and we all watched it just to talk about how weird and messy it was.
62. The 2023 iPhone 15 Pro: It’s made of “Titanium.” It’s slightly lighter, which is great because I’m currently carrying the weight of my 2023 responsibilities on my shoulders.
63. The 2023 Twitter to X Rebrand: The bird is dead. It’s just an “X” now. I’m still calling it Twitter and I’m still confused by the layout.
64. The 2023 Meta Quest 3: I can now see digital zombies in my actual living room. My cat is not impressed by my “Mixed Reality” combat moves.
65. The 2023 Blue Checkmark Chaos: Everyone can be verified now for $8. 2023 is the year of “Identity Crisis” on social media.
66. The 2023 Stanely Cup Obsession: I just paid $45 for a giant insulated cup because TikTok told me it will change my life. I’m hydrated, but I’m still the same person.
67. The 2023 Optimism: We’ve got AI, we’ve got Barbenheimer, and the Eras Tour is still going. Surely 2024 will be a very calm, predictable election year.