36 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2014 “Ice Bucket & Break the Internet” Edition

In 2014, Thanksgiving was about dodging selfie sticks at the table, trying to stay “Fancy” like Iggy Azalea, and realizing that a “Flappy Bird” was more frustrating than a dry turkey.

The 2014 Top 10: “Cold Water & Selfie Sticks”

1. The Ice Bucket Challenge: Why was the 2014 dinner so shivering? Because every cousin “nominated” the person next to them to dump a bowl of iced cranberry juice over their head before they could have any pie.
2. Kim Kardashian’s “Break the Internet”: Why was Mom worried about the plates? Because after that Paper Magazine cover, she was terrified that if she balanced a champagne glass on her back while serving turkey, the Wi-Fi would stop working.
3. Selfie Sticks: Why was there a metal pole hitting the chandelier? Because it was the “Year of the Selfie Stick,” and Dad spent the whole meal trying to get a “top-down” shot of the stuffing that included all 22 relatives.
4. Flappy Bird: Why was the atmosphere so tense? Because the most addicting game in the world was deleted from the App Store, and the kids were guarding their old phones like they were ancient artifacts.
5. Interstellar: Why did the meal take 80 years? Because Dad sat in the kitchen for 20 minutes, but due to “gravitational time dilation” near the stove, everyone else at the table had aged three decades.
6. The iPhone 6 “Bendgate”: Why was Dad checking his pockets every five minutes? Because the new iPhone was so thin and large that he was terrified sitting down for dinner would turn his smartphone into a smart-taco.
7. Frozen (The Fever Continues): Why did nobody “Let It Go”? Because it had been a full year and the kids were still singing the soundtrack. The only thing that changed was that now the turkey was dressed like Olaf.
8. Guardians of the Galaxy: Why was the centerpiece a potted plant? Because after the movie, everyone wanted a “Dancing Groot” on the table, and they spent the meal shouting “I am Groot!” instead of “Pass the rolls.”
9. Uptown Funk: Why was the kitchen so rhythmic? Because Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars told us “Don’t believe me, just watch!” while we basted the bird for eight hours.
10. The Rosetta Comet Landing: Why was the carving so precise? Because scientists landed a probe on a moving comet, so Dad felt that “landing” a slice of turkey on a plate was a mission of national importance.

The Full 2014 Archive (Highlights)

11. Maleficent: Why was the aunt so “edgy”? Because Angelina Jolie made being a misunderstood villain cool, and she spent the meal looking fabulous while “cursing” anyone who took the last piece of dark meat.
12. The “Everything is Awesome” Era: Why was the Lego Movie theme on repeat? Because we were all part of a team, and everything was awesome… until someone dropped the gravy boat.
13. Taylor Swift’s “1989”: Why was the mood so “Shake It Off”? Because Taylor officially went Pop, and Mom decided that any drama at the table should simply be shaken off like a catchy chorus.
14. The “First Kiss” Viral Video: Why was the table so awkward? Because everyone saw that video of strangers kissing and spent the meal wondering if they should start hugging the in-laws they barely knew.
15. John Wick: Why was everyone being so nice to the family dog? Because after the movie, we all realized that one wrong move involving a pet could lead to a three-movie revenge rampage.
16. Tinder’s Explosion: Why was the “single” cousin swiping his dinner plate? He wasn’t; he was just so used to “swiping right” on everything that he accidentally swiped his mashed potatoes off the table.
17. The Ebola Scare: Why was the hand sanitizer the most popular “side dish”? Because the news made us so paranoid that passing a roll felt like a high-risk biological exchange.
18. The Amazon Echo (Hype): Why was Dad talking to a cylinder? Because “Alexa” was just starting to enter homes, and he was trying to get a robot to tell him the football scores.
19. Pharrell’s Giant Hat: Why was the centerpiece looking like a park ranger? Because after the Grammys, Mom tried to fit the turkey under a 2-foot tall Vivienne Westwood hat.
20. The “Spider-Dog” Prank: Why was everyone screaming at the pug? Because the Polish viral video made us all think that any small animal in a costume was actually a giant mutant spider.
21. The Leftovers (HBO): Why was the table so quiet? Because 2% of the world’s population vanished in the show, and we were just glad that 100% of the family was still here for the pie.
22. The GoPro Era: Why was the turkey wearing a camera? Because Dad wanted a “First Person PoV” of being carved and dipped in gravy for his YouTube channel.
23. How to Train Your Dragon 2: Why were the kids “flying” around the room? Because they were convinced the turkey was a “Night Fury” and that they could control it with enough “Alpha” energy.
24. The ALS Ice Bucket “Nomination”: Why did Grandpa start sweating? Because he got a Facebook notification and knew his turn to be “iced” was coming right after the pumpkin pie.
25. The Lego Movie: Why were the rolls so blocky? Because everything was built “to spec,” and Dad refused to use a knife because he wanted to keep the “original mold” intact.
26. Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass”: Why was the gravy so thick? Because “I’m all about that base (sauce), no treble,” and Mom took that lyric very literally.
27. Birdman: Why was the uncle walking through the house in his underwear? Because he wanted to win an Oscar for “Best Cinematic Achievement in a Suburban Kitchen.”
28. The “Alex from Target” Hype: Why were the teen girls staring at the grocery bagger? Because internet fame could happen to anyone, and they were waiting for the “Turkey Carver from Walmart” to go viral.
29. Malala Yousafzai (Nobel Prize): Why was the dinner so inspiring? Because a teenager won the Nobel Peace Prize, and suddenly the kids’ arguments over the remote felt incredibly small.
30. The “Grumpy Cat” Christmas Movie: Why did the cat have a movie deal? Because in 2014, if you looked annoyed on the internet, you were more famous than a Hollywood A-lister.
31. Better Call Saul (Hype): Why was the “shady” uncle giving out business cards? Because he saw the teasers for the spin-off and decided that “legal counsel” was his new holiday hobby.
32. The Hoverboard (The Fake Ones): Why were the kids “floating” an inch off the ground? Because they got those two-wheeled “hoverboards” that didn’t actually hover but did succeed in breaking several floor lamps.
33. The Colbert Report Finale: Why were we so patriotic? Because we were saying goodbye to Stephen Colbert’s character and “The Word” for the last time.
34. Gone Girl: Why was everyone looking at their spouse with suspicion? Because after the movie, nobody trusted a “perfect” marriage or a “perfect” cranberry sauce.
35. The Big Hero 6: Why did everyone want a “Baymax” hug? Because we all felt like “satisfied with our care,” especially after the second helping of stuffing.
36. The Final 2014 Vibe: Why was it a “Social” year? Because between the challenges and the selfies, it was the last year we actually cared what people thought of our photos on Facebook.