36 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2006 “Wii Sports & Pluto’s Demotion” Edition

In 2006, Thanksgiving was a full-body workout thanks to Nintendo, a confusing time for astronomy fans, and the year we learned to fit our thoughts into 140 characters.

The 2006 Top 10: “Wii Elbow & Twitter Birds”

1. Nintendo Wii: Why was the 2006 dinner so physically exhausting? Because before we could eat, we had to play five rounds of Wii Sports Bowling, and Grandma accidentally threw the remote into the pumpkin pie.
2. Pluto’s Demotion: Why was Grandpa so grumpy during the toast? Because the scientists decided Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore, and he felt that if they could “fire” a planet, he could “fire” the person who brought the store-bought rolls.
3. The Launch of Twitter: Why was the teenager staring at his phone and typing 140 characters? Because he was “tweeting” that the turkey was dry, but he had to leave out the word “delicious” to fit the character limit.
4. Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack”: Why was Dad walking so confidently into the kitchen? Because he was “bringing sexy back,” even though the only thing he was actually bringing back was a dirty roasting pan.
5. The Devil Wears Prada: Why was Aunt Susan being so judgmental? Because she looked at Mom’s apron and said, “A floral print? For Thanksgiving? Groundbreaking,” in her best Meryl Streep voice.
6. The Blu-ray vs. HD-DVD War: Why was the tech-uncle so stressed? Because he just spent $500 on an HD-DVD player, and everyone at the table was telling him that “Blu-ray” was the new “Betamax.”
7. Borat: Why was the dinner conversation so awkward? Because every time someone asked for the salt, Uncle Dave shouted, “Great success!” and “Very nice!” in a thick Kazak accent.
8. High School Musical: Why were the kids singing in the middle of the meal? Because “We’re All In This Together,” and by “this,” they meant the shared struggle of finishing the yams.
9. Disney Buys Pixar: Why was the table so “corporate”? Because Mickey Mouse now owned Buzz Lightyear, and we were all waiting for a “Cars” crossover with the gravy boat.
10. The MacBook Pro: Why did the “creative” cousin look so fancy? Because he had a laptop with a glowing apple that was “Pro,” even though he just used it to look at pictures of cats on MySpace.

The Full 2006 Archive (Highlights)

11. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest: Why was the turkey so salty? Because Dad spent the whole day pretending to be Jack Sparrow and kept shouting, “I’ve got a jar of dirt… I mean, stuffing!”
12. The “Crocodile Hunter” Tribute: Why was the mood so sentimental? Because we all wore khaki in honor of Steve Irwin and made sure to tell the turkey, “Crikey, you’re a beauty!” before carving.
13. Ugly Betty: Why was the centerpiece so “bold”? Because the show premiered, and Mom decided that “clashing colors and braces” were the new aesthetic for the dining room.
14. The Da Vinci Code (Movie): Why was the nephew looking for a “cryptex” in the fridge? Because he was convinced the leftover ham held the secret to the bloodline of the Pilgrims.
15. Hips Don’t Lie: Why was the kitchen so rhythmic? Because Shakira was on the radio, and the aunts were proving that their hips don’t lie… but their claims about “organic” pies might.
16. The PlayStation 3 Launch: Why was there a tent in the driveway? Because the PS3 just came out, cost $600, and the cousin was willing to miss dinner just to be the first one to see “Ridge Racer” in 1080p.
17. Snakes on a Plane: Why was Dad so intense about the rolls? “I have had it with these monkey-fighting rolls on this Monday-to-Friday table!”
18. The YouTube Buyout: Why was the tech-cousin celebrating? Because Google bought YouTube for $1.65 billion, and he was convinced his 30-second video of the dog sneezing made him a future mogul.
19. Pan’s Labyrinth: Why was the toddler eating with his eyes in his hands? Because he saw the Pale Man in the movie trailer and thought it was a new way to “see” the dessert.
20. The Nintendo DS Lite: Why were the kids so quiet? Because the smaller, sleeker DS arrived, and they were too busy training their “Nintendogs” to notice the actual dog stealing their turkey.
21. The Departed: Why was the dinner full of “rats”? Because after the Scorsese movie, everyone was suspicious that their siblings were “undercover” for the parents to report on who didn’t wash their hands.
22. Happy Feet: Why were the kids tap-dancing under the table? Because the penguins convinced them that “singing” was out and “stepping” was the only way to express gratitude for the pie.
23. 30 Rock: Why was the dinner so meta? Because the show premiered, and Mom spent the whole time trying to “Lemon-out” the situation while Dad acted like Jack Donaghy managing a vertical integration of turkey.
24. The RAZR V3i: Why was everyone still “flipping”? Because the gold Dolce & Gabbana RAZR was the ultimate status symbol, even if it only held about 10 blurry photos of the gravy.
25. Fergie’s “Fergalicious”: Why was the stuffing so “tasty”? Because it’s “T-to-the-A-to-the-S-T-E-Y… girl, it’s tasty!”
26. The Wii Remote “Wrist Strap” Scandal: Why was there a hole in the TV? Because the uncle didn’t use the safety strap during Wii Boxing and “knocked out” the living room electronics.
27. Cars (Pixar): Why was the gravy boat going so fast? Because it was “Lightning McQueen,” and it “Kachow-ed” its way across the table in record time.
28. The Sopranos (The “Final” Hype): Why did the meal end so abruptly? Because the family was preparing for the final season and practiced “cutting to black” right in the middle of Grandpa’s story.
29. Night at the Museum: Why were the kids talking to the turkey? Because they were waiting for the sun to go down so the bird would come to life and start telling them stories about 1621.
30. The “Zune”: Why was the uncle getting laughed at? Because he bought Microsoft’s brown mp3 player and kept insisting it was “way better than an iPod” while he tried to “squirt” a song to someone.
31. Amy Winehouse: Why was the turkey so stubborn? Because it went to “Rehab,” and it said, “No, no, no” to being cooked for another hour.
32. The New York Mets vs. Cardinals: Why was the baseball-uncle so sad? Because Carlos Beltran looked at a strike three, and the uncle spent the whole meal looking at his mashed potatoes in silent mourning.
33. The “Dick in a Box” SNL Skit: Why were the older cousins giggling at the gift boxes? Because they just saw the Justin Timberlake digital short and thought they were the funniest people on Earth.
34. Heroes: Why was the niece staring at the clock? Because the show premiered, and she was “Save the cheerleader, save the world,” but she’d settle for “Save the leftovers, save the weekend.”
35. The Pluto “Xena” Controversy: Why was the science-nephew so confused? Because they found a bigger rock than Pluto (Eris), and suddenly the solar system felt like a crowded Thanksgiving table.
36. The Final 2006 Vibe: Why was it a “winning” year? Because we could burn off 500 calories of stuffing by playing 10 minutes of Wii Tennis without leaving the couch.