Why is there always a guy with 10 cobs? To prove that “Abundance” is the true American Dream. Part of the 34 Fourth of July… Read More »1995 Classic: The “Corn on the Cob” Competition

Why is it always 30 seconds long? To prove that 20 minutes of “Pop-Pop” can be redeemed by 30 seconds of “Holy Cow, my ears… Read More »1995 Vintage: The Firework “Grand Finale”

Why was 1995 so wet? Because “Tactical Hydration” is more fun when it involves a direct hit on your cousin’s new shirt. Part of the… Read More »1995 Classic: The “Water Balloon” Fight

Why did we give sticks of fire to toddlers? To teach them “Tactical Awareness” at a very young age. Part of the 34 Fourth of… Read More »1995 Legacy: The 1995 Sparkler Safety

Why the tall hat? To ensure that he can see over the crowd and tell you you’re flipping the burgers wrong. Part of the 34… Read More »1995 Vintage: The “Uncle Sam” Costume

Why were they everywhere in ’95? Because patriotism in the mid-90s was measured by how many foam crowns you could wear at once. Part of… Read More »1995 Archive: The “Statue of Liberty” Souvenirs

Why was it a staple in ’95? Because if the food doesn’t match the flag, is it even Independence Day? Part of the 34 Fourth… Read More »1995 Legacy: The “Red, White, and Blue” Jello

Why is it always burnt on the outside and raw on the inside? Because in 1995, “Slow Cooking” was something only grandmas did; everyone else… Read More »1995 Archive: The BBQ Chicken “Strategy”

Why did it take 4 hours? To teach the kids that “Sweetness” requires manual labor and a lot of rock salt. Part of the 34… Read More »1995 Classic: The “Hand-Cranked” Ice Cream

Why was it the 1995 fashion peak? To prove that “Star-Spangled” looks good on everyone, provided they don’t plan on actually swimming. Part of the… Read More »1995 Classic: The “American Flag” Swimsuit