53 Adult Jokes: The 2004 “Wardrobe Malfunction & Wall Posts” Edition

In 2004, adult humor revolved around what we saw (or shouldn’t have seen) on live television and the new craze of being “friends” with people you barely know. It was the year Justin Timberlake became a PR master and Janet Jackson became the most searched term in the history of the internet at the time.

The 2004 Top 10: The “Exposed & Tagged” Jokes

1. The Super Bowl Excuse: A guy gets caught with his shirt off in the neighbor’s yard. He tells the police, “It wasn’t me, officer! It was a wardrobe malfunction. I was just trying to show her my new ‘reveal’ choreography!”
2. The Facebook Poke: Why is dating in 2004 like the new Facebook? Because you spend three hours looking at a girl’s profile just to build up the courage to “poke” her—and then pray her boyfriend doesn’t poke you back with a baseball bat.
3. The Janet & Justin Logic: Justin Timberlake says, “I’m sorry for the accident.” Janet says, “I’m humiliated.” The FCC says, “That’ll be $550,000.” And every guy with a TiVo says, “Can we see that in slow motion one more time?”
4. The Mean Girls Burn: “Is your wife like Regina George?” “Yeah, she has a Burn Book, but instead of high school secrets, it’s just a list of every time I forgot to take out the trash since the Millennium.”
5. The Shrek 2 Marriage: Why is marriage like Shrek 2? Because you go to visit the in-laws in Far Far Away, and within ten minutes you realize the King wants to hire a hitman to get rid of you.
6. The Gmail Invite: “I’ll do anything for a Gmail invite!” “Anything?” “Yeah, even spend a whole evening talking to your mother-in-law without checking my Nokia Razr.”
7. The Howard Dean Scream: A guy comes home late and his wife starts yelling. He just lets out a “BYAH!” scream. She asks, “What was that?” He says, “I’m just conceding my dignity, one state at a time.”
8. The Lost Connection: Why is our love life like the show Lost? Because we’re stuck on an island of confusion, there’s a smoke monster in the kitchen, and nobody knows if we’re actually getting rescued.
9. The Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas: “I’m living the GTA life!” “Because you’re a tough gangster?” “No, because I spend all day driving in circles and I can’t seem to get past the ‘Doing the Laundry’ mission.”
10. The MySpace Top 8: “You moved me out of your Top 8?!” “Sorry, honey. Tom is just a more reliable friend right now. He doesn’t ask me what I want for dinner.” 

The Full 2004 Adult Archive (Selected Items 11–53)

11. The Wardrobe Check: “Honey, does this dress look okay?” “Be careful, if it’s too tight, you’ll have a ‘Janet moment’ and we’ll end up on the news instead of at the party.”
12. The Facebook Wall: “Someone wrote on my Wall!” “What did they say?” “They asked if I remember them from 3rd grade. I don’t, but I confirmed them anyway because I need to look popular.”
13. The Napoleon Dynamite: “I’m like Napoleon.” “Quirky and charming?” “No, I have no skills and I’m pretty sure my uncle is trying to sell time machines in the driveway.”
14. The Anchor Man: “I’m kind of a big deal.” “No, you’re just a guy who smells like mahogany and keeps talking to the dog like it understands English.”
15. The Passion of the Christ: “Our marriage is like the biggest movie of 2004.” “Deep and spiritual?” “No, it’s just two hours of suffering and everyone is speaking a language I don’t understand.”
16. The Spider-Man 2: “With great power comes great responsibility.” “Is that why you haven’t fixed the sink?” “No, that’s because I’m currently ‘losing my powers’ in the recliner.”
17. The Motorola Razr: “My phone is so thin!” “So is your patience when the battery dies after three text messages.”
18. The Desperate Housewives: “I’m like a character on that new show!” “Which one? The mysterious one?” “No, the one who complains about the neighbors while drinking wine at noon.”
19. The Usher “Yeah!”: “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” “If that’s your answer to ‘did you pay the electric bill?’, we’re going to have a very dark night.”
20. The Fahrenheit 9/11: “I’m making a documentary about our household.” “A political thriller?” “No, a horror movie about what’s actually living in the back of the fridge.”
21. The Incredibles: “We’re a family of superheroes!” “Yeah, but my only power is being able to ignore a ringing phone for twenty minutes straight.”
22. The Facebook Privacy: “Is my profile private?” “In 2004, ‘private’ means only 2,000 people from your college can see your drunken party photos.”
23. The Ashlee Simpson SNL: “I wasn’t lip-syncing!” “Then why is your mouth closed while the vocal track is still telling me you love me?”
24. The Euro 2004: “I’m like the Greek national team.” “A surprise winner?” “No, I just defend for 90 minutes and hope for a lucky break.”
25. The Dodgeball Movie: “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!” “Is that why you’re hiding behind the sofa while I’m holding the vacuum?”
26. The Kill Bill Vol. 2: “The Bride is finally getting her revenge.” “Is that what you call charging the wedding gift to my credit card?”
27. The Million Dollar Baby: “I’m a fighter!” “Honey, you got a paper cut and asked for an ambulance. Sit down.”
28. The Pussycat Dolls: “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” “I wish my girlfriend would just stop singing that song for five seconds.”
29. The Facebook Poke #2: “He poked me again!” “Is it a sign of love?” “No, it’s 2004. It’s a sign he doesn’t have a job and is bored in his dorm.”
30. The Borat Voice: “My wife! Very nice!” “Stop it, Borat. You’re at a parent-teacher conference.”
31. The Nintendo DS: “It has two screens!” “Great, now you can ignore me in stereo.”
32. The National Treasure: “I’m going to steal the Declaration of Independence!” “Start by stealing the dirty laundry from the floor and putting it in the machine, Nicolas.”
33. The Lindsay Lohan Life: “I’m a Mean Girl!” “No, you’re just mean. There’s a difference.”
34. The Saw Movie: “I want to play a game.” “Is it ‘Who can stay quiet for ten minutes‘?” “No.” “Then I’m not playing.”
35. The White Chicks: “I’m in disguise!” “I can still see your beer belly under that pink dress, Dave. Come home.”
36. The 50 First Dates Part 2: “I have to make you fall in love with me every day!” “That’s because you keep forgetting my name after three beers.”
37. The Green Day: “I walk a lonely road…” “That’s just the hallway to the bathroom in the middle of the night, Billie Joe.”
38. The Facebook Status: “I’m ‘In a Relationship’.” “With who?” “With my laptop, apparently. We spend 8 hours a day together.”
39. The Catwoman Movie: “I’m a feline fatale!” “No, you’re just a woman in torn leggings who’s currently being judged by the actual cat.”
40. The Hello Kitty: Why are men like Hello Kitty in 2004? Because they have no mouth when their wife asks, “Does this make me look fat?”
41. The iPod Mini Color: “I got the pink one!” “Does it hold more music?” “No, but it matches my Ugg boots.”
42. The Anchorman Part 2: “I love lamp.” “I love the fact that you finally turned the lamp off so I can sleep.”
43. The Facebook Relationship: “It’s complicated.” “No, it’s not. You just don’t want to admit you’re single and looking at your ex’s wall photos.”
44. The Snoop Dogg “Drop It Like It’s Hot”: “When the pimp’s in the crib ma…” “If you ‘drop’ the baby like it’s hot, we’re going to have a serious problem, Calvin.”
45. The Polar Express: “Do you hear the bell?” “I hear the alarm clock and I’m not getting up for any magical train.”
46. The Facebook Poke War: “We’ve been poking each other for three days!” “In 2004, that’s basically a marriage proposal.”
47. The Lemony Snicket: “A series of unfortunate events.” “Is that the title of your cooking school diploma?”
48. The Bridget Jones 2: “The Edge of Reason.” “That’s exactly where I am after waiting for you in the car for 40 minutes.”
49. The Facebook Friend Request: “Why did you ignore my request?” “Because you’re my boss and I don’t want you to see my ‘Status: Hungover’.”
50. The Shrek 2 Puss in Boots: “Look at my eyes…” “The puppy dog eyes won’t work, I’m still not letting you buy those 22-inch rims.”
51. The Alien vs. Predator: “Whoever wins… we lose.” “Is that the summary of our divorce hearing?”
52. The Facebook 2004 Exit: “Why are you leaving the site?” “Because my professor just joined and now I have to delete everything from last Saturday.”
53. The New Year’s 2005: “My resolution is to spend less time ‘poking’ and more time actually talking… but let’s be real, I’m just getting a faster modem.”