54 Adult Jokes: The 2008 “Superhero Peak & Economic Leak” Edition

In 2008, adult humor was a survival mechanism. If you weren’t joking about the Housing Bubble bursting, you were probably busy watching Obama promise “Change” while your boss was promising “Layoffs.” It was the year of the App Store launch and the realization that there really is an app for everything—except paying off a subprime mortgage.

The 2008 Top 10: The “Why So Serious & Subprime” Jokes

1. The Dark Knight Date: A guy paints his face like the Joker and asks his wife, “Why so serious?” She looks at the unpaid bills on the table and says, “Because our credit score just became the ‘Silent Guardian’ of a zero-dollar balance, that’s why.”
2. The Iron Man Ego: “I’m like Tony Stark!” “Genius, billionaire, playboy?” “No, I just have a piece of metal in my chest (my pacemaker) and I spend all my time tinkering in the garage to avoid talking to people.”
3. The Subprime Marriage: Why is our relationship like a 2008 mortgage? Because it started with a low introductory rate of “fun and flowers,” and now the interest on my mistakes has made the whole thing underwater.
4. The Obama “Change”: “I’m voting for Change!” “That’s good, because after the stock market crash today, ‘change’ is the only thing left in your wallet.”
5. The App Store Obsession: “I downloaded an app that tracks my sleep!” “What did it say?” “It said I spent six hours dreaming about a bailout and two hours grinding my teeth.”
6. The Sex and the City Movie: “Our life is like the movie!” “Fashionable and New York-based?” “No, it’s just four people complaining about their shoes while I wonder how they afford those cocktails in this economy.”
7. The Twilight Phase: “I’m a Team Edward fan!” “Honey, you’re 40. The only thing sparkling about a guy your age is the sweat on his forehead after walking up the stairs.”
8. The Wall-E Reality: “I’m like the people on the spaceship in Wall-E.” “Adventurous?” “No, I’m floating in a reclining chair, eating liquefied food, and I’ve forgotten how to use my legs.”
9. The Tropic Thunder Jibe: “I’m a lead farmer!” “No, you’re a lead accountant who’s about to ‘go full retard’ if you don’t find where you put the tax returns.”
10. The Olympic Pride: “I’m like Michael Phelps! I have 8 gold medals!” “Those are chocolate coins, Kevin. And you ate them all while watching the 100m sprint.”

The Full 2008 Adult Archive (Selected Items 11–54)

11. The Gas Price Pain: In 2008, gas hit $4 a gallon. A guy tells a girl, “I’ll take you somewhere expensive tonight.” He drives her to the gas station and fills up the tank.
12. The Breaking Bad Start: “I’m going to start cooking like Walter White.” “You can’t even make toast without setting off the smoke alarm. Just stick to your day job.”
13. The Facebook Wall: “My boss added me on Facebook.” “What did you do?” “I set my status to ‘Hardest worker in the world’ and blocked him from seeing my ‘Friday Night Shenanigans’ album.”
14. The Taken Movie: “I have a very particular set of skills.” “Does ‘particular set of skills’ include finding the TV remote? Because I’ve been looking for an hour.”
15. The Lehman Brothers Joke: “I’m starting a bank!” “What are you calling it?” “‘Lehman Sisters’. Maybe women will have the common sense not to bet the house on a bunch of magic beans.”
16. The Step Brothers: “Did we just become best friends?” “No, we just realized we both hate our jobs and like the same brand of light beer.”
17. The Kung Fu Panda: “I’m the Dragon Warrior!” “You’re a human panda who’s addicted to dumplings and high-waisted pants.”
18. The Sarah Palin Look: “I can see Russia from my house!” “No, you can just see the abandoned Blockbuster from the bedroom window. Close the blinds.”
19. The Mamma Mia!: “Our marriage is like a jukebox musical.” “Joyful and Swedish?” “No, it’s full of recycled arguments and I’m pretty sure Pierce Brosnan shouldn’t be singing.”
20. The Indiana Jones 4: “They ruined my childhood with that fridge scene!” “Honey, your adulthood is being ruined by that 401(k) statement. Focus.”
21. The Hulu Launch: “I can watch TV for free on the computer!” “Is it good?” “There’s a 30-second ad every two minutes, but it beats talking to you during the commercials.”
22. The Slumdog Millionaire: “I know all the answers!” “Then tell me why the check engine light is on for the third time this week.”
23. The Cloverfield Effect: “Why is the camera shaking?” “It’s a found-footage movie!” “No, I think I’m just having a panic attack about the housing market.”
24. The Gran Torino: “Get off my lawn!” “You’re 28, Dave. It’s a balcony, and those are just pigeons.”
25. The Katy Perry Phase: “I kissed a girl and I liked it!” “That’s nice, but did you remember to pay the water bill?”
26. The Quantum of Solace: “I’m a man of mystery.” “The only mystery is how you managed to spend $200 at Home Depot on things we don’t need.”
27. The Pineapple Express: “This is the apex of the vortex!” “No, this is the living room, and you’re supposed to be folding towels.”
28. The Benjamin Button: “I’m aging backwards!” “No, you’re just acting more immature every year. There’s a difference.”
29. The Airbnb Launch: “I’m letting strangers sleep on our air mattress for money.” “In this economy, that’s not a business, it’s a cry for help.”
30. The Iron Man Suit: “I need an Arc Reactor.” “You need a gym membership and a salad, Tony.”
31. The Mad Men Season 2: “I’m a creative genius.” “You’re a drunken mess in a skinny tie. Put the scotch down.”
32. The Twilight Volturi: “I’m an ancient vampire.” “You’re an ancient accountant with a bad back. Go to sleep.”
33. The 2008 Exit: “Why was 2008 so stressful?” “Because it was the year we realized that superheroes are fictional, but debt is very, very real.”
34. The New Year’s 2009: “My resolution is to survive until the economic recovery… or at least until the next Batman movie.”

35. The Dark Knight Interrogation: “I’m like Batman in the interrogation room.” “Because you’re intense?” “No, because I’m yelling at a clown (my reflection) about where he put the tax refund.”
36. The App Store Fever: “I found an app that simulates a beer!” “Is it satisfying?” “No, but it’s the only way I can afford to ‘drink’ in 2008 without checking my balance.”
37. The Marley & Me: Why is marriage like that movie? Because it starts with a cute puppy and ends with everyone crying in the living room for no reason.
38. The Iron Man Technology: “I’m building a Mark II suit!” “With what?” “Cardboard boxes and a Broken Wii Remote. It’s called ‘Recession Man’.”
39. The Twitter Growth: “I have 50 followers now!” “Do they care about your life?” “No, they’re mostly bots and debt collectors, but it feels good to be noticed.”
40. The Speed Racer: “I’m living life in the fast lane!” “Dave, you’re driving a Prius in an ‘Economy’ mode. You’re in the slow lane of life.”
41. The Forgetting Sarah Marshall: “I’m going to Hawaii to get over my ex.” “In this economy? You’re going to the public pool to get over your overdraft.”
42. The 2008 Divorce: “Why did they split up?” “He wanted to invest in Gold, she wanted to invest in Groceries. It was a classic ‘Subprime’ disagreement.”
43. The Mirror Mirror: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the broke-est of them all?” “‘Check your 401(k) and I’ll tell you’, the mirror replied.”
44. The Hancock Movie: “I’m a misunderstood superhero.” “No, you’re just a grumpy guy who sleeps on the park bench and smells like gin.”
45. The Sex and the City Shoe Logic: “I spent $500 on these Manolos!” “In 2008? Those aren’t shoes, those are four months of electricity on your feet.”
46. The Wall-E Trash: “I’m a robot that cleans up trash.” “Great, start with the empty beer cans around your recliner.”
47. The Clone Wars: “The Star Wars prequels are back!” “Great, just what 2008 needed: more animated disappointments.”
48. The Credit Crunch: “I asked for a credit increase.” “What did the bank say?” “The guy laughed so hard his monocle fell into his latte.”
49. The Yes Man: “I’m saying ‘Yes’ to everything today!” “Will you do the dishes?” “‘No’… wait, the movie didn’t prepare me for this.”
50. The Twilight Sparkle: “Why are you putting glitter on your chest?” “I want to be vulnerable and brooding.” “You’re 45 and you have a mortgage. It’s not working.”
51. The Pineapple Express Part 2: “I feel like I’m floating.” “That’s not the weed, Kevin. That’s just the feeling of your house value drifting away.”
52. The Expendables Rumor: “They’re making a movie with every action star!” “Will they be fighting bad guys?” “No, they’ll be fighting prostate issues and high cholesterol.”
53. The 2008 Exit: “Why are you glad 2008 is over?” “Because I’ve run out of tears and credit.”
54. The New Year’s 2009 Resolution: “I promise to be ‘Iron Man’ in 2009.” “Meaning?” “I’ll spend all day in a windowless basement and pretend I have a heart.”