51 Yo Mama Jokes: The 2003 “Finding Nemo & iTunes” Edition

In 2003, we were all busy burning CDs and watching a clownfish look for his son. It was the year of The Return of the King, the launch of MySpace, and the realization that Yo Mama is the only person who can make the Terminator say: “I’ll be back… with a bigger forklift.”

The 2003 Top 10: The “MySpace & Middle-earth” Burns

1. The Finding Nemo Special: Yo mama is so fat, when she jumped into the ocean to look for Nemo, the water level rose so much that Australia became the new Atlantis.
2. The Return of the King: Yo mama is so old, she remember when the Ring was just a piece of copper and Sauron was a telemarketer.
3. The MySpace Launch: Yo mama is so ugly, when she joined MySpace, Tom unfollowed her and deleted his own account.
4. The iTunes Debut: Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to “shuffle” her actual songs by running in circles with her CD player.
5. The Arnold for Governor: Yo mama is so fat, when Arnold Schwarzenegger became Governor of California, his first executive order was to ban her from sitting on the San Andreas Fault.
6. The 50 Cent Vibe: Yo mama is so poor, she went to see 50 Cent and asked if she could get 45 cents back in change.
7. The Pirates of the Caribbean: Yo mama is so scary, Captain Jack Sparrow looked at her and said: “Why is the rum gone? Because your mama drank it all and then ate the barrel!”
8. The Matrix Revolutions: Yo mama is so big, when she entered the Matrix, the Architect had to upgrade the entire universe to 64-bit just to process her thighs.
9. The Beyoncé Factor: Yo mama is so stupid, when Beyoncé sang “Put a ring on it,” your mama tried to slide a glazed donut onto her finger.
10. The Old School Vibe: Yo mama is so fat, when she did a “Blue Steel” look like in Zoolander, she caused a global blizzard because of the sheer amount of surface area involved.

The Full 2003 Yo Mama Archive (Selected Highlights)

11. Yo mama is so poor, she waves a wet towel around and calls it “a swamp cooler.”
12. Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a “Project Runway” shirt, it actually becomes a 3-mile landing strip.
13. Yo mama is so stupid, she thought a “web browser” was a spider looking for a date.
14. Yo mama is so ugly, her birth certificate is just a sketch drawn by a police artist.
15. Yo mama is so old, she remembers when the “Big Dipper” was just a “Small Ladle.”
16. Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Maple Syrup.
17. Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to “copy-paste” her lunch by putting it against the monitor.
18. Yo mama is so poor, she can’t even afford to pay a compliment.
19. Yo mama is so ugly, she made a “Happy Meal” cry for its life.
20. Yo mama is so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil… and natural gas.
21. Yo mama is so stupid, she took a spoon to a “Knife Fight” because she thought it was a potluck.
22. Yo mama is so old, her Social Security number is just “XII.”
23. Yo mama is so fat, when she wears yellow, children try to flag her down thinking she’s the school bus.
24. Yo mama is so poor, her idea of a “luxury cruise” is a driftwood log in a drainage ditch.
25. Yo mama is so ugly, the neighbors pay the burglars to break into her house to keep her inside.
26. Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car… while she was standing on the sidewalk.
27. Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t order from the menu—she orders the infrastructure.
28. Yo mama is so old, she knew the “Dead Sea” when it was still “In Intensive Care.”
29. Yo mama is so poor, she goes to the airport to watch the planes and pretend she’s on a layover.
30. Yo mama is so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, her reflection calls for backup.
31. Yo mama is so fat, her shadow has its own orbit.
32. Yo mama is so stupid, she put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on her forehead and wondered why her alarm didn’t go off.
33. Yo mama is so old, she sat next to Moses in driver’s ed.
34. Yo mama is so fat, she’s the reason the Earth has a tilt.
35. Yo mama is so poor, she uses a Cheeto as a highlighter.
36. Yo mama is so ugly, even a blind man would say “No thanks.”
37. Yo mama is so stupid, she stared at a carton of milk for two days because it said “Past-your-eyes.”
38. Yo mama is so fat, she needs a GPS to find her own feet.
39. Yo mama is so old, she has a signed copy of the Magna Carta… in the original gift wrap.
40. Yo mama is so poor, she can’t even afford to “vibe.”
41. Yo mama is so ugly, her face is the reason we have a “Skip Ad” button.
42. Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to light a match with a flashlight… again.
43. Yo mama is so fat, her necktie is a beach towel.
44. Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was just a Prince’s stable boy.
45. Yo mama is so poor, she goes to McDonald’s to put a McDouble on layaway.
46. Yo mama is so ugly, she turned Medusa into a pile of gravel.
47. Yo mama is so stupid, she put sugar on the bed because she wanted “sweet dreams.”
48. Yo mama is so fat, she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt.
49. Yo mama is so old, her birthday candles cause a 5-mile radius evacuation.
50. Yo mama is so poor, she waves a popsicle stick around and calls it “Air Conditioning.”
51. Yo mama is so stupid, she thought the “G-8 Summit” was a new brand of mountain bike.