51 Classic Knock-Knock Jokes: The 1996 Retro Edition

In 1996, as the internet started to crawl into our homes via noisy modems, the physical door remained our primary social interface. These jokes were the “viral memes” of the mid-90s, passed around during commercial breaks of Seinfeld or while waiting for a CD to burn. Here is the definitive 1996 archive.

The 1996 Top 10: Door-to-Door Classics

The Macarena: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Macarena. / Macarena who? / Macarena-t believe you’re not dancing!
The Independence: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Independence. / Independence who? / Independence Day is a great movie, let me in!
The Aaliyah: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Aaliyah. / Aaliyah who? / Aaliyah (All ya) gotta do is open the door!
The Cow (96 Remix): Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Interrupting cow. / Interrupting cow wh— / MOOOO! (Still a playground king in ’96)
The Cargo: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Cargo. / Cargo who? / Cargo “vroom vroom”, but I’m still knocking!
The Dishes: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Dishes. / Dishes who? / Dishes the police, open up!
The Justin: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Justin. / Justin who? / Justin time to watch the Olympics!
The Needle: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Needle. / Needle who? / Needle little help with my Discman!
The Lettuce: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Lettuce. / Lettuce who? / Lettuce in, the Spice Girls are on TV!
The Tank: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Tank. / Tank who? / You’re welcome, now let’s party like it’s 1996!

The Full 1996 Archive (Extended List)

The Wooden: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Wooden shoe. / Wooden shoe who? / Wooden shoe like to go to the mall?
The Alex: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Alex. / Alex who? / Alex-plain why I’m late when you open up!
The Annie: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Annie. / Annie who? / Annie body got a spare pager battery?
The Dwayne: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Dwayne. / Dwayne who? / Dwayne the bathtub, it’s overflowing!
The Ice Cream: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Ice cream. / Ice cream who? / Ice cream if you don’t let me play your N64!
The Honeydew: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Honeydew. / Honeydew who? / Honeydew you know how to use this AOL disk?
The Doris: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Doris. / Doris who? / Doris locked, and I forgot my keys!
The Leaf: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Leaf. / Leaf who? / Leaf a message after the beep!
The Canoe: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Canoe. / Canoe who? / Canoe help me carry these groceries?
The Police: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Police. / Police who? / Police stop telling these jokes!
The Amos: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Amos. / Amos who? / A mosquito just bit me in the yard!
The Anita: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Anita. / Anita who? / Anita borrow your Tamagotchi!
The Hatch: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Hatch. / Hatch who? / Bless you, hope it’s not the flu!
The Shore: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Shore. / Shore who? / Shore hope you’re having a good day!
The Otto: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Otto. / Otto who? / Otto know better than to knock twice!
The Robin: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Robin. / Robin who? / Robin the piggy bank for candy money!
The Luke: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Luke. / Luke who? / Luke through the window, I’m right here!
The Mustache: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Mustache. / Mustache who? / I mustache you to open this door!
The Theodore: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Theodore. / Theodore who? / Theodore is jammed, help!
The Ketchup: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Ketchup. / Ketchup who? / Ketchup with the times, it’s 1996!
The Mikey: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Mikey. / Mikey who? / Mikey is stuck in the lock!
The Ken: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Ken. / Ken who? / Ken I borrow your Goosebumps book?
The Ida: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Ida. / Ida who? / Ida like to stay, but I have to go!
The Alpine: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Alpine. / Alpine who? / Alpine for you while I’m at summer camp!
The Wendy: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Wendy. / Wendy who? / Wendy cat’s away, the mice will play!
The Hugo: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Hugo. / Hugo who? / Hugo your way, I’ll stay here!
The Ivana: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Ivana. / Ivana who? / Ivana go to the cinema!
The Ben: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Ben. / Ben who? / Ben waiting out here since the morning!
The Orange: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Orange. / Orange who? / Orange you going to let me in?
The Banana: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Banana. / Banana who? / Knock, knock… (The infinite loop)
The Orange (Finish): Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Orange. / Orange who? / Orange you glad I didn’t say banana again?
The Abbot: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Abbot. / Abbot who? / Abbot time you answered!
The Gladys: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Gladys. / Gladys who? / Gladys finally Friday!
The Isabel: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Isabel. / Isabel who? / Isabel working? I had to knock!
The Noah: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Noah. / Noah who? / Noah way I’m leaving until you open up!
The Harry: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Harry. / Harry who? / Harry up, my show is starting!
The Open: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Open. / Open who? / Open the door, it’s just me!
The Europe: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Europe. / Europe who? / No, Europe-an, I’m American!
The Owl: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Owl. / Owl who? / Yes, they do!
The Donut: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / Donut. / Donut who? / Donut ask, just open up!
The 1996: Knock, knock. / Who’s there? / 1996. / 1996 who? / 1,996 reasons why I love knock-knock jokes!