47 Lawyer Jokes: The 2016 “Gotta Sue ‘Em All” Edition

In 2016, the boundary between reality and digital life vanished. It was the year of the “Note 7” explosions (product liability fire sales!), the rise of the “Dabbing” judge, and the era where “Pokémon Trespassing” became a legitimate legal specialty. Lawyers stopped looking for witnesses and started looking for Charizards.

The 2016 Top 10: The “Augmented Reality” Classics

1. The Pokémon GO Trespass: Why did the lawyer represent the Pokémon trainer? He argued that his client wasn’t “trespassing,” he was simply “exercising his right to catch a Snorlax in a high-security zone.”
2. The Samsung Note 7: Why did the lawyer love the Note 7? Because “my phone spontaneously combusted” is the best “the dog ate my homework” excuse for missing a filing deadline ever invented.
3. The TikTok (Musical.ly) Launch: Why did the lawyer join Musical.ly? To see if he could “lip-sync” his entire closing argument and still bill for the performance rights.
4. The Brexit Brief: Why were UK lawyers crying in 2016? Because they realized they’d have to spend the next 10 years billing for “un-merging” an entire continent.
5. The Harambe Defense: Why did the lawyer represent the zoo? He argued that the gorilla’s actions were “non-binding” and lacked “contractual intent.”
6. The Stranger Things Suit: Why did the lawyer sue the “Upside Down”? For “unauthorized dimensional encroachment and failure to provide adequate lighting for residents.”
7. The Leonardo DiCaprio Oscar: Why did the lawyer celebrate Leo’s win? Because it proved that if you wait 20 years and suffer enough, you eventually get a verdict in your favor.
8. The AirPods Launch: Why did the lawyer buy AirPods? So he could pretend to be “listening to the judge” while actually listening to a podcast on “How to Hide Assets in the Caymans.”
9. The Deadpool Verdict: Why did the lawyer love Deadpool? Because breaking the “fourth wall” is exactly what he does when he looks at the jury and lies through his teeth.
10. The PokeStop Liability: Why did the lawyer sue Nintendo? Because the PokeStop in his office was attracting “non-billable people” who just wanted to use the Wi-Fi.

The Full 2016 Lawyer Archive (Selected Rows)

11. The Augmented Reality: Why did the lawyer wear VR goggles in court? To make the “guilty” verdict look like a “minor technical error” in an alternate reality.
12. The Mannequin Challenge: Why did the law firm win the Mannequin Challenge? Because they’ve been “frozen in time” and “unmoving” on their clients’ cases since 1995.
13. The Tesla Autopilot (First Death): Why were the lawyers busy? They were trying to figure out if you can sue a “line of code” for manslaughter.
14. The No Man’s Sky Suit: Why did the lawyer sue the game developers? For “intentional misrepresentation of a galaxy” and “breach of planetary promises.”
15. The Instagram Stories: Why did the lawyer love the new Stories? Because now he can see his clients “partying on a yacht” 24 hours before their “I’m broke” deposition.
16. The Hillary’s Emails: Why did the lawyer love 2016? Because “I don’t recall” became the national catchphrase for everyone under oath.
17. The Suicide Squad Defense: Why did the lawyer represent Harley Quinn? He argued that “extreme relationship toxicity” was a valid mitigating circumstance for world-ending crimes.
18. The 5G Testing: Why was the lawyer happy? Because faster internet meant he could “ambulance chase” at the speed of light.
19. The Jury Selection: Why did the lawyer reject the “Vlogger”? He didn’t want anyone on the jury who would try to “monetize” the verdict.
20. The Technicality: Why did the lawyer sue the “Leap Day” (Feb 29)? For providing an extra 24 hours of “potential liability” without an extra paycheck.
21. The Office Juicero: Why did the lawyer sue the $400 juicer? For “fraudulently implying that hands cannot squeeze a bag of juice.”
22. The Zootopia Suit: Why did the lawyer represent the fox? He argued that “predator status” was a protected class under the Equal Employment Opportunity Act.
23. The Coffee Price: Why did the lawyer sue the $18 “Single Origin” bean? He claimed it was “elitist caffeine distribution.”
24. The Retainer Fee: Why did the lawyer call it a “Pokémon Retainer”? Because just like a Magikarp, it does nothing until you put enough money into it.
25. The Lab Rat (16 Edition): Why did scientists use lawyers for a “Social Media Echo Chamber” study? Because the lawyers only listened to their own invoices.
26. The Speeding Ticket: Why did the lawyer tell the cop he was “hunting a Dragonite”? He hoped the officer was also level 20 and would let him off with a warning.
27. The Inheritance: Why did the lawyer bring a drone to the reading of the will? To “airdrop” the billable invoice directly onto the mahogany table.
28. The Divorce Settlement: Why did the lawyer get the Netflix password? Because he proved he was the only one who didn’t share it with “unauthorized third parties.”
29. The Mirror: Why did the lawyer use a “Snapchat Filter” mirror? To make his “old, tired ethics” look “puppy-dog cute.”
30. The Small Print: Why did the lawyer use “Galaxy Note 7 Red” font? To show the client that this contract is about to “blow up” their bank account.
31. The Power Move: Why did the lawyer carry a portable battery and a VR headset? One to keep the billables running, one to escape the consequences.
32. The Final Summary: Why did the lawyer want to be buried with a “Rare Candy”? Just in case he needed to “level up” his defense in the afterlife.
33. The Hourly Rate: Why did the lawyer charge for the time he spent “navigating to a PokeStop”? “Geospatial asset acquisition and strategic movement.”
34. The Internship: Why was the intern sad? He was told he was an “AR Specialist,” which meant he had to walk the partner’s phone around the park to hatch eggs.
35. The Evidence: Why did the lawyer bring a “Samsung Note 7” to court? As a “controlled explosive device” to demonstrate the volatility of the prosecution’s case.
36. The Negotiation: Why did the lawyer do a “Dab” during the settlement? To show the other side that he was “hip” while he took all their money.
37. The Tech Support: What did the lawyer say to the IT guy? “Can you make my digital footprint look like I was in church instead of the casino?”
38. The 2016 Legacy: What’s the most 2016 thing a lawyer did? He billed a client for “Time spent explaining why a Pokémon on their property isn’t an invitation for a search warrant.”
39. The Closing Argument: Why did the lawyer cross the road? To serve a subpoena to the chicken’s “Twitter followers.”
40. The Professional Ego: Why does a lawyer never use “Self-Checkout”? Because he believes “manual processing” is the only way to ensure the maximum fee.
41. The Witness Stand: Why did the lawyer bring a “GoPro” to the stand? To record the “slow-motion collapse” of the witness’s alibi.
42. The Library: Why did the lawyer sue the library? For having a “Quiet Zone” that prevented him from yelling at his paralegal.
43. The Graduation: What do you call a lawyer who specialized in “Vine Law” in 2016? “A guy who is now learning how to dance for TikTok.”
44. The Final Word: Why did the lawyer cross the road? To bill the chicken for “consultation on the legal status of the ‘other side’.”
45. The Rogue One Suit: Why did the lawyer represent the Rebels? He argued that the Death Star’s “thermal exhaust port” was a clear case of “negligent design and construction.”
46. The Pokemon Go Catch: Why did the lawyer arrest the Pikachu? For “impersonating a legal tender” (because he’s yellow and everyone wants him).
47. The 2016 Verdict: Why do lawyers love 2016? Because when the world gets “augmented,” the fees get “supplemented.”