38 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2022 “Corn Kid & Twitter Blue” Edition

In 2022, Thanksgiving was about being thankful for “It’s Corn!”, checking our Twitter verification status, and realizing that 36 years later, we still feel the “Need for Speed.”

The 2022 Top 10: “Verified Turkeys & Gentleminions”

1. The Twitter Takeover: Why was the 2022 turkey so expensive? Because it cost an extra $8 a month to keep the “Verified Blue Checkmark” on the drumstick.
2. The Corn Kid: Why was the side dish the star of the show? Because “It’s Corn! A big lump with knobs… it has the juice!” and the family refused to eat anything else until someone sang the song.
3. Top Gun: Maverick: Why was Dad acting so intense in the kitchen? Because after 36 years, he finally felt like he was back in the “Danger Zone” while trying to land the turkey platter on the table without crashing.
4. The Wordle Obsession: Why was everyone staring at their phones in silence? Because the “Daily Wordle” refreshed at midnight, and nobody wanted to talk until they shared their “Green Square” progress in the group chat.
5. Don’t Worry Darling (Drama): Why was the dinner conversation so heated? Because half the table was trying to analyze the “spit-gate” video frame by frame to see if the gravy actually hit the plate or if it was just a glitch.
6. The Gentleminions Trend: Why were the teenage boys wearing full suits and ties to eat turkey? Because the new Minions movie came out, and “Distinguished Gentlemen” behavior was the only way to consume a banana-flavored dessert.
7. Stranger Things 4: Why was “Running Up That Hill” playing on repeat? Because Kate Bush was back at #1, and we were all hoping that if Vecna showed up, our “favorite song” would save us from having to do the dishes.
8. The James Webb Telescope: Why was the cranberry sauce so high-definition? Because NASA showed us the “Deep Field” of the universe, and Mom claimed her sauce had more “nebula-like swirls” than a galaxy 13 billion light-years away.
9. Wednesday (Netflix): Why was the niece dancing so weirdly with her hands? Because Jenna Ortega made “goth-shuffling” to Lady Gaga the only acceptable way to celebrate anything in late 2022.
10. The Great Egg Inflation: Why were we protecting the fridge? Because by the end of 2022, a dozen eggs cost more than a small vacation, and Grandma was guarding the deviled eggs like they were the Crown Jewels.

The Full 2022 Archive (Highlights)

11. BeReal: Why did everyone stop eating at 4:12 PM? Because the notification went off and they had two minutes to take a “candid” photo of themselves with a mouthful of stuffing.
12. The Slap (Oscars): What was the one rule at the table? “Keep the turkey’s name out of your mouth!” (Unless you were currently eating it).
13. House of the Dragon: Why was the family argument so “Targaryen”? Because after the prequel premiered, everyone was fighting over the “Succession” of who gets to carve the bird next year.
14. Glass Onion: Why was the mystery so layers? Because after the Knives Out sequel, everyone suspected that Uncle Dave’s “secret ingredient” was actually part of a multi-million dollar heist.
15. Lizzo’s “About Damn Time”: Why was the mood so positive? Because it was about damn time the whole family got together without a laptop screen between them.
16. The Queen’s Passing: Why was the toast so somber? Because after 70 years, the “Lilibet” era ended, and we all spent an hour talking about where we were when we heard the news.
17. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever: Why was the mood so regal? Because we were all honoring a legacy while passing the sweet potatoes in a very dignified fashion.
18. The Metaverse “Legs”: Why was the tech-uncle so excited? Because Mark Zuckerberg finally gave the digital avatars “legs,” and he thought that was a bigger achievement than the moon landing.
19. The First ChatGPT Hype: Why did the “thank you” speech sound so robotic? Because the nephew used a “language model” to generate a heartfelt message that included three metaphors about neural networks.
20. Elvis (The Movie): Why was Dad talking with a Southern drawl? Because Austin Butler spent three years stuck in the voice, and Dad spent three hours trying to “Thank you, thank you very much” his way into more pie.
21. The Bored Ape Yacht Club: Why was there a picture of a sad monkey on the wall? Because the cousin “invested” his life savings into a digital drawing and was now trying to explain to Grandpa why a JPEG is a “financial asset.”
22. The “Uncut Gems” Voice: Why was the niece talking like Julia Fox? Because “Josh-wah” and “Uncut Jaaaams” were the only sounds allowed on TikTok for three straight months.
23. Spirit Halloween: Why was the old abandoned mall so popular? Because it’s 2022, and if a building is empty for more than five minutes, it officially becomes a costume shop.
24. The Try Guys Scandal: Why were the aunts so shocked? Because “high-production YouTube drama” became the primary source of entertainment while waiting for the bird to cook.
25. Taylor Swift’s “Midnights”: Why was the house so “Anti-Hero”? “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me… I’m the one who forgot to defrost the turkey.”
26. The “Goblin Mode” Trend: Why was the teenager eating shredded cheese out of the bag at 2 AM? Because the Oxford Dictionary made “Goblin Mode” the word of the year, and he was just leaning into his true self.
27. The iPhone 14 “Dynamic Island”: Why was Dad staring at the top of his phone? Because he was mesmerized by a little black bubble that expanded when he got a timer notification for the rolls.
28. He’s a 10 but…: Why was the rating system so brutal? “He’s a 10, but he thinks canned cranberry sauce is better than fresh.” (Conclusion: He’s a 3).
29. The Harry Styles Feather Boa: Why was the dog wearing a scarf? Because Harry Styles made flamboyant accessories mandatory for every “Style-ish” event in 2022.
30. Everything Everywhere All At Once: Why was there a googly eye on the turkey? Because the movie was a masterpiece, and we were all just trying to find the version of ourselves that actually liked Brussels sprouts.
31. The “Little Miss” Memes: Why were there labels on everyone? Because we were “Little Miss Overcooks the Bird” and “Little Miss Takes Three Hours to Get Ready.”
32. The Gas Price Hike: Why did nobody drive to dinner? Because filling the tank cost more than the actual Thanksgiving feast, so everyone just carpooled in the neighbor’s Tesla.
33. The “Negroni Sbagliato” (With Prosecco): Why was the drink order so specific? Because Emma D’Arcy said it once, and now every aunt in America was a part-time bartender.
34. The Fallout of the “Will Smith” Moment: Why was everyone so careful about their jokes? Because we all learned that one bad pun can lead to a decade of “red table talks.”
35. The Nintendo Switch Sports: Why was Grandma “back in the game”? Because 16 years after the original Wii, she could finally beat us at tennis again without leaving her chair.
36. The “I’m Just a Baby” Audio: Why was the toddler winning every argument? Because “I’m just a baby!” is the ultimate legal defense for throwing a roll across the room.
37. The FTX Collapse: Why was the “crypto” cousin so quiet? Because his “To the moon” dreams just hit a “To the basement” reality, and he was hoping the turkey wasn’t also a Ponzi scheme.
38. The Artemis I Launch: Why were we looking at the moon again? Because NASA finally sent a rocket back there, and we realized that space is still the only place without a Twitter account.