36 Celebrity Jokes: The 2011 “Royal Weddings & Horcruxes” Edition

In 2011, we said goodbye to a boy wizard, hello to a game of thrones, and watched a commoner become a Duchess in the wedding of the century. It was the year we realized that “Winning” was a code for a Charlie Sheen meltdown, and that a planking photo was a legitimate way to spend your afternoon.

The 2011 Top 10: The “Wizards & Iron Thrones” Classics

1. Harry Potter (The Deathly Hallows Pt. 2): Why did everyone in 2011 feel like their childhood ended? Because the boy who lived finally finished his shift, and we realized we actually had to graduate from school without a magic wand.
2. Game of Thrones (Premiere): Why did we all start fearing winter in the middle of April? Because HBO proved that you could have a hit show where the main character loses his head and everyone else is just fighting over a very uncomfortable chair.
3. Charlie Sheen: Why was everyone “Winning” in 2011? Because Charlie Sheen decided that “Tiger Blood” and “Adonis DNA” were better career moves than actually showing up to work on Two and a Half Men.
4. The Royal Wedding: Why did 2 billion people watch Kate Middleton walk down the aisle? Because in 2011, we needed to see that a lace dress and a balcony kiss could still make the world feel like a Disney movie (with more hats).
5. Rebecca Black (Friday): Why did we all hate Fridays in 2011? Because a 13-year-old taught us which seat to take in a car and that “yesterday was Thursday, today it is Friday,” and we couldn’t get the tune out of our heads.
6. Adele (21): Why was everyone in 2011 crying in their cars? Because Adele released an album so powerful that even people who were happily married started missing their imaginary ex-boyfriends.
7. The Launch of Siri: Why did we start talking to our phones? Because in 2011, Apple gave us a personal assistant who couldn’t find a nearby pizza place but was great at telling us what the meaning of life was.
8. Beyoncé’s Pregnancy Reveal: Why did the 2011 VMAs break the internet? Because Beyoncé dropped her mic, unbuttoned her blazer, and rubbed her stomach, proving that she could make a pregnancy announcement a bigger event than the actual awards.
9. The Twilight Saga (Breaking Dawn Pt. 1): Why was the wedding so long? Because in 2011, we needed to see a vampire and a human get married, have a honey moon, and give birth to a baby that looked like a CGI nightmare.
10. Planking: Why was everyone lying flat on random objects? Because in 2011, we reached the peak of internet boredom and decided that pretending to be a piece of wood was a top-tier hobby.

The Full 2011 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. LMFAO (Party Rock Anthem): Why was everyone shuffling? Because in 2011, “Party Rock is in the house tonight,” and everyone just wanted to have a good time (and wear neon animal print).
12. The Help: Why was everyone eating chocolate pie? Because in 2011, Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer proved that “You is kind, you is smart, you is important,” but you should never trust a pie from Minny.
13. Lady Gaga (Born This Way): Why was she living in a giant egg? Because in 2011, Gaga decided that being “born this way” required a 72-hour incubation period and some prosthetic shoulder horns.
14. Bridesmaids: Why was everyone avoiding the Brazilian steakhouse? Because Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig proved that being a bridesmaid is 10% fashion and 90% biological disaster.
15. Ryan Gosling (Drive): Why didn’t he say anything? Because in 2011, he proved that a satin jacket with a scorpion and a toothpick were enough to make him the coolest guy in Hollywood without a single line of dialogue.
16. Kim Kardashian’s 72-Day Marriage: Why was the wedding special longer than the marriage? Because in 2011, Kris Humphries learned that being a Kardashian husband is a seasonal gig, not a career.
17. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol: Why was Tom Cruise on the outside of the Burj Khalifa? Because in 2011, he decided that green screens were for people who didn’t want to actually fall off the tallest building in the world.
18. The Muppets: Why were they back? Because in 2011, Jason Segel proved that we all needed a “Man or Muppet” musical number to get through the year.
19. Skrillex: Why did the music sound like a dial-up modem fighting a transformer? Because in 2011, “Dubstep” became the official soundtrack for teenagers who wanted to annoy their parents with bass drops.
20. Britney Spears (Femme Fatale): Why was she “Till the World Ends”? Because in 2011, she was still the queen of the dance floor, even if she looked like she’d rather be at home with her kids.
21. The Artist: Why was the movie silent? Because in 2011, Hollywood decided that the only way to win an Oscar was to stop talking and hire a very talented dog.
22. Pitbull (Mr. Worldwide): Why was he everywhere? Because in 2011, you couldn’t open a bag of chips without Pitbull yelling “Dale!” and claiming he was in three different cities at once.
23. Fast Five: Why was The Rock there? Because in 2011, the franchise realized that the only way to beat Vin Diesel was to hire a man who was 50% larger and 100% sweatier.
24. Maroon 5 (Moves Like Jagger): Why was Adam Levine whistling? Because in 2011, he convinced us that having the moves like Mick Jagger was a mandatory requirement for entering a nightclub.
25. Captain America (The First Avenger): Why was he so skinny? Because in 2011, we learned that all it takes to become a superhero is a brave heart and a very large dose of “Super Soldier” juice.
26. Rihanna (We Found Love): Why were they in a field? Because in 2011, Rihanna and Calvin Harris proved that you can find love in a hopeless place, as long as the beat is loud enough.
27. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Why was it so cold? Because in 2011, Rooney Mara proved that having 12 piercings and a motorcycle was the ultimate way to solve a 40-year-old mystery.
28. Justin Bieber (Under the Mistletoe): Why was he singing Christmas songs in October? Because in 2011, his hair was still his most famous asset, and he needed a reason to wear a scarf.
29. Moneyball: Why was Brad Pitt using a computer? Because in 2011, he proved that baseball isn’t about home runs—it’s about math and Jonah Hill sitting in a dark office.
30. One Direction (What Makes You Beautiful): Why were they on a beach? Because in 2011, they didn’t know they were beautiful, but they did know that polo shirts and flip-flops were the key to a global fan base.
31. Thor: Why did he have eyebrows the same color as his hair? Because in 2011, Marvel was still figuring out how to make a space god look like a human (and failing slightly).
32. Super 8: Why was everything glowing? Because in 2011, J.J. Abrams decided that a movie without a lens flare is just a movie that hasn’t been finished yet.
33. Contagion: Why was everyone washing their hands? Because in 2011, Gwyneth Paltrow taught us that a single touch could end the world (a lesson we’d unfortunately remember later).
34. X-Men: First Class: Why were they in the 60s? Because in 2011, Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy proved that Magneto and Professor X were much cooler before they went bald.
35. The Death of Steve Jobs: Why was the world so quiet? Because in 2011, we lost the man who put the entire world in our pockets and taught us to “Think Different.”
36. The Year 2011: Why did it end? Because we were all too busy trying to figure out if the world was really going to end in 2012 or if the Mayans were just bad at calendars.