40 Celebrity Jokes: The 2003 “Crazy In Love & Compass” Edition

In 2003, the world was obsessed with finding a clownfish, wondering why Britney and Madonna kissed, and trying to figure out how Beyoncé managed to walk in those heels while the world was “Crazy in Love.” It was the year of the trucker hat, the birth of iTunes, and the realization that Johnny Depp was basically a pirate in real life anyway.

The 2003 Top 10: The “Bennifer & Black Pearls” Classics

1. Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean): Why was Disney worried about Jack Sparrow? Because in 2003, they thought Johnny Depp was playing a “drunken rockstar,” only to realize he just invented a way to print money for the next 20 years.
2. Britney, Madonna & Christina: Why was the 2003 VMAs the loudest night in history? Because three women shared a kiss and the entire world’s dial-up internet crashed trying to load the 240p video of it.
3. Finding Nemo: Why was everyone talking to their fish tanks? Because in 2003, Pixar convinced us that our pets were just one “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney” away from a daring escape.
4. Beyoncé (Crazy in Love): Why was that horn intro so loud? Because in 2003, Beyoncé wanted to make sure that even people on Mars knew she was officially the Queen of everything.
5. The “Bennifer” Crisis (Gigli): Why did Ben Affleck and J.Lo stop the world? Because in 2003, Gigli was so bad that it actually managed to end a relationship and a movie studio’s dignity at the same time.
6. Arnold Schwarzenegger: Why did he stop being the Terminator? Because in 2003, he realized that governing California was the only job where you could say “I’ll be back” to a budget meeting and actually mean it.
7. The iTunes Music Store: Why did Steve Jobs give us 99-cent songs? Because in 2003, he realized we were all going to jail for Napster unless he made buying music cheaper than a cheeseburger.
8. The Simple Life (Paris & Nicole): Why were they looking for a “Walmart”? Because in 2003, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie proved that being “rich and confused” was a professional career path.
9. 50 Cent (Get Rich or Die Tryin’): Why was he always in a gym? Because in 2003, 50 Cent proved that you could survive nine shots and still have better abs than anyone in the music industry.
10. The Return of the King: Why did it have 14 endings? Because in 2003, Peter Jackson was so attached to Middle-earth that he didn’t want to go home until every single hobbit had a 10-minute goodbye scene.

The Full 2003 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Ashton Kutcher (Punk’d): Why were celebrities crying? Because in 2003, a guy in a trucker hat could ruin your life for a hidden camera show, and you just had to laugh about it.
12. The Black Eyed Peas: Why did they ask “Where is the Love?”? Because in 2003, Fergie joined the band and suddenly they had enough “Humps” to take over the entire planet.
13. Evanescence: Why were we all “Waking Up Inside”? Because in 2003, Amy Lee’s gothic aesthetic was the only thing that matched our blue eyeshadow and baggy pants.
14. School of Rock: Why was Jack Black a teacher? Because in 2003, we learned that “sticking it to the man” was more important than math, as long as you had a power chord.
15. OutKast (Speakerboxxx/The Love Below): Why was everyone saying “Hey Ya!”? Because André 3000 proved that shaking it like a Polaroid picture was the only way to save a party in 2003.
16. Love Actually: Why were there so many British people? Because in 2003, Hugh Grant and Bill Nighy convinced us that Christmas was just a series of awkward encounters and cue cards.
17. Justin Timberlake (Rock Your Body): Why was he everywhere? Because in 2003, he was the only man alive who could wear a fedora and a denim vest and still be considered a style icon.
18. The Matrix Reloaded: Why were there 100 Agent Smiths? Because in 2003, the Wachowskis realized that if one villain was scary, a hundred of them in CGI would be… slightly more confusing.
19. Sean Paul: Why was it “Get Busy”? Because in 2003, we didn’t need to understand a single word of Jamaican patois to dance until our low-rise jeans fell off.
20. Hilary Duff (The Lizzie McGuire Movie): Why was she in Rome? Because in 2003, “This Is What Dreams Are Made Of” meant finding your Italian pop-star doppelgänger while on a school trip.
21. The Cat in the Hat (Mike Myers): Why was it so weird? Because in 2003, we learned that a 6-foot tall cat with a New York accent is actually the stuff of nightmares.
22. Coldplay: Why was it “A Rush of Blood to the Head”? Because Chris Martin was the only person in 2003 who could make being sad sound like a stadium anthem.
23. Bad Boys II: Why were there so many explosions? Because Michael Bay decided that in 2003, the only way to improve a car chase was to throw a dozen actual cars at the camera.
24. Stacie Orrico: Why was she “Stuck”? Because in 2003, being a “teen pop sensation” meant having a catchy chorus and a music video set in a high school hallway.
25. Kill Bill: Vol 1: Why was Uma Thurman wearing yellow? Because in 2003, she had to kill 88 people in a night and she wanted to make sure the blood showed up well on her tracksuit.
26. Linkin Park (Meteora): Why were they “Numb”? Because in 2003, Chester Bennington’s voice was the only thing that understood our teenage angst.
27. Hulk (Eric Bana): Why was he so big and purple? Because in 2003, we learned that making a “thinking man’s superhero movie” usually just results in a lot of CGI jumping.
28. Kelly Clarkson & Justin Guarini (From Justin to Kelly): Why did this movie exist? Because in 2003, we thought that winning American Idol meant you were legally required to make a beach musical.
29. White Chicks (Production): Why were the Wayans brothers in makeup? Because in 2003, they realized that the only thing funnier than being themselves was being two blonde socialites from the Hamptons.
30. Mystic River: Why was Sean Penn so intense? Because in 2003, he won an Oscar for proving that Boston is the most dramatic place on Earth to lose your daughter’s bike.
31. The O.C.: Why were we “California”-ing? Because in 2003, Seth Cohen made being a nerd cool, as long as you lived in a mansion and liked Death Cab for Cutie.
32. Elf: Why was Will Ferrell in tights? Because in 2003, he proved that “smiling is my favorite” and eating spaghetti with maple syrup was the key to a holiday classic.
33. Lumineers (Pre-fame): Why was 2003 so acoustic? Because Norah Jones had won every Grammy in existence and we were all just trying to chill out.
34. Terminator 3: Why was the Terminator a woman? Because in 2003, Arnie realized that his only competition was a “T-X” who could turn her arm into a flamethrower.
35. The Lord of the Rings (Oscars): Why did they win 11? Because in 2003, the Academy realized that if they didn’t give Peter Jackson everything, he might send an army of Uruk-hai to the ceremony.
36. Jet (Are You Gonna Be My Girl): Why did it sound like the 60s? Because in 2003, we were so tired of pop that we decided to pretend we were at a garage rock show in London.
37. Old School: Why was Frank the Tank streaking? Because in 2003, Will Ferrell taught us that “we’re going streaking through the quad!” was a perfectly valid mid-life crisis.
38. Dido: Why was her “White Flag” up? Because in 2003, she was the official soundtrack for every breakup that happened in a coffee shop.
39. 2 Fast 2 Furious: Why was Vin Diesel gone? Because in 2003, Paul Walker and Tyrese proved that you don’t need a script if you have enough nitrous oxide and neon lights.
40. The Year 2003: Why did it end? Because we were all too busy playing Snake on our Nokias and trying to fit into our Von Dutch hats to notice the time passing.