35 Celebrity Jokes: The 2014 “Ice Buckets & Breaking The Internet” Edition

In 2014, we were all freezing for a cause, watching a selfie take down Twitter at the Oscars, and trying to understand how Matthew McConaughey could age backwards in a black hole. It was the year of the “Flappy Bird” addiction, the rise of the “Basic” aesthetic, and the moment we realized Kim Kardashian’s balance was enough to literally “Break the Internet.”

The 2014 Top 10: The “Oscars & Cold Water” Classics

1. The Oscar Selfie: Why did Ellen DeGeneres crash Twitter in 2014? Because she managed to fit Meryl Streep, Brad Pitt, and Jennifer Lawrence into one frame, proving that the only thing more powerful than a celebrity is a group of celebrities trying to fit into a Samsung ad.
2. The Ice Bucket Challenge: Why was everyone soaking wet in 2014? Because we decided that the best way to raise millions for ALS was to dump a bucket of freezing water on our heads and nominate our confused bosses to do the same.
3. Kim Kardashian (Paper Magazine): Why did the internet “break” in 2014? Because Kim Kardashian posed with a champagne glass on her back, proving that her silhouette was more famous than most actual world events.
4. Matthew McConaughey (Interstellar): Why was Matthew McConaughey crying in a spaceship? Because in 2014, he realized that “Alright, alright, alright” sounds a lot different when you’ve missed 23 years of your daughter’s life because of a giant wave.
5. Pharrell Williams (Happy): Why was this song everywhere? Because in 2014, it was legally required to be “Happy” at weddings, funerals, and even while waiting for a root canal.
6. Gwyneth Paltrow: Why did the world learn a new phrase in 2014? Because Gwyneth and Chris Martin didn’t “break up”—they “consciously uncoupled,” making regular divorces look like something only common people do.
7. Taylor Swift (1989): Why did Taylor Swift move to New York and stop singing country? Because in 2014, she realized that “Shake It Off” was a better response to her haters than a banjo solo.
8. Guardians of the Galaxy: Why were we all in love with a tree and a raccoon? Because Marvel proved that in 2014, a talking branch saying “I am Groot” had more emotional range than half of the leading men in Hollywood.
9. Benedict Cumberbatch: Why was “Cumberbatching” a thing? Because in 2014, he was Sherlock, an Alan Turing, and a dragon, proving that a long face and a British accent were the ultimate global currencies.
10. The Flappy Bird Saga: Why were people selling iPhones for $5,000? Because the creator of Flappy Bird deleted the game, and in 2014, a digital bird hitting a green pipe was more addictive than oxygen.

The Full 2014 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Maleficent: Why was Angelina Jolie so misunderstood? Because in 2014, Disney proved that if someone ruins your life, you should just get some cool cheekbones and wait for the live-action remake.
12. Iggy Azalea (Fancy): Why was she “in the fast lane”? Because in 2014, we all spent the summer trying to rap the lyrics while wondering where exactly “First things first, I’m the realest” came from.
13. Gone Girl: Why was everyone afraid of Rosamund Pike? Because in 2014, she taught us that if your husband forgets your anniversary, “disappearing” is a perfectly reasonable reaction.
14. Sia (Chandelier): Why was there a little girl dancing in a wig? Because in 2014, Sia decided that being famous was too much work, so she hid behind a giant bow and let a 12-year-old do the flips.
15. John Travolta (Adele Dazeem): Why was the Oscars so awkward? Because John Travolta introduced “Idina Menzel” as “Adele Dazeem,” proving that names are just suggestions when you’re a legend.
16. Frozen (Everywhere): Why were we still hearing “Let It Go”? Because in 2014, the cold never bothered us anyway, but the repeat button on our toddlers’ iPads definitely did.
17. Shailene Woodley (The Fault in Our Stars): Why were we all carrying tissues? Because in 2014, “Okay? Okay” became the saddest conversation you could have in a park.
18. Chris Pratt: Why did Andy Dwyer suddenly have abs? Because in 2014, he went from “Parks and Rec” to “Galaxy Guarding” by trading beer for CrossFit and pure charisma.
19. Beyoncé & Jay-Z (On The Run Tour): Why was there an elevator incident? Because in 2014, Solange reminded us that even royal families have “family meetings” that sometimes involve high heels.
20. Ariana Grande (Problem): Why did she have “one less problem”? Because in 2014, she realized that a high ponytail and a whistle note were the keys to the kingdom.
21. The LEGO Movie: Why was everything awesome? Because in 2014, Chris Pratt proved that even a plastic brick with no instructions can save the world from “The Kragle.”
22. Sam Smith (Stay With Me): Why was everyone so lonely? Because Sam Smith’s voice in 2014 was so smooth it made everyone want to break up just to feel the music.
23. Godzilla (2014): Why was Bryan Cranston only in the first 20 minutes? Because in 2014, the producers thought we wanted more giant lizards and less “Breaking Bad” energy (we were wrong).
24. Solange Knowles: Why was the elevator footage silent? Because in 2014, what happens in the Standard Hotel stays on TMZ for the next six months.
25. Birdman: Why was Michael Keaton running in Times Square in his underwear? Because in 2014, that was the only way to prove you’re a serious actor who’s over his superhero past.
26. Meghan Trainor (All About That Bass): Why were we “all about that bass”? Because in 2014, she told us that “no treble” was the only way to live, and we all believed her.
27. Boyhood: Why did it take 12 years to make? Because Richard Linklater wanted to make sure that in 2014, we could actually watch a kid grow up without using CGI or a different actor.
28. Nicki Minaj (Anaconda): Why was everyone talking about the jungle? Because in 2014, Nicki Minaj reclaimed the “Sir Mix-A-Lot” throne and made everyone reconsider their gym routine.
29. The Grand Budapest Hotel: Why was everything so pink? Because Wes Anderson decided that in 2014, symmetry and a purple suit were the only ways to handle a murder mystery.
30. Emma Watson (HeForShe): Why was Hermione at the UN? Because in 2014, she proved that “it’s wingardium levi-o-sa,” but it’s also time for gender equality.
31. Hozier (Take Me To Church): Why was everyone feeling so spiritual? Because in 2014, Hozier’s voice sounded like it was coming from the bottom of an Irish well and we couldn’t stop listening.
32. Whiplash: Why was J.K. Simmons screaming about tempo? Because in 2014, he proved that being a jazz teacher is 5% music and 95% throwing chairs at Miles Teller.
33. Fifty Shades of Grey (Trailer): Why were we all waiting for 2015? Because the 2014 trailer made a slow-motion version of “Crazy in Love” the most scandalous thing on YouTube.
34. The “Normcore” Trend: Why were celebrities dressing like tourists in Ohio? Because in 2014, the height of fashion was wearing New Balance sneakers and a plain fleece.
35. The Year 2014: Why did it end? Because we ran out of ice, we finally “shook it off,” and we were ready to see if 2015 had any more sequels for us.