38 Celebrity Jokes: The 1998 “Google & Glitters” Edition

In 1998, the world was obsessed with asteroids hitting Earth, a blue dress in the White House, and a little search engine called Google that we were pretty sure wouldn’t last. It was the year we realized that Furby was watching us and that Britney Spears was about to change the mall-walking experience forever.

The 1998 Top 10: The “Armageddon & Baby One More Time” Classics

1. Britney Spears: Why was the world “Hitting her baby one more time” in 1998? Because Britney proved that a school uniform and a catchy hook could conquer the planet faster than a Windows 98 update.
2. Bruce Willis & Ben Affleck (Armageddon): Why did NASA send oil drillers into space? Because in 1998, it was easier to train Ben Affleck to land on an asteroid than it was to teach an astronaut how to use a drill.
3. Bill Clinton: Why was the President the biggest celebrity of the year? Because he turned the phrase “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” into the most analyzed script since Titanic.
4. Leonardo DiCaprio: Why was 1998 “The Man in the Iron Mask”? Because after Titanic, Leo’s face was so famous he had to hide it under a metal bucket just to get a sandwich without being mobbed.
5. The Furby: Why was a robotic owl the most terrifying celebrity of 1998? Because it was the only thing in your house that could learn to speak “Furbish” and stare at you while you slept.
6. Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice): Why did the world stop spinning in May 1998? Because Ginger Spice left the group, proving that even “Girl Power” couldn’t survive a solo career and a Union Jack dress.
7. Jim Carrey (The Truman Show): Why was Jim Carrey so paranoid? Because in 1998, he realized that being the highest-paid actor in the world meant everyone really was watching him.
8. Google: Why did Larry Page and Sergey Brin start a company in a garage? Because in 1998, they needed a place to hide the fact that they were about to organize the entire world’s secrets.
9. Celine Dion: Why was “My Heart Will Go On” still #1? Because in 1998, Celine’s voice was the only thing capable of keeping the Titanic afloat for 14 straight months.
10. The Big Lebowski: Why did everyone start wearing bathrobes to the grocery store? Because “The Dude” proved that in 1998, being a lazy bowler was the peak of philosophical achievement.

The Full 1998 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Goo Goo Dolls (Iris): Why was everyone crying in 1998? Because this song was in every movie, every radio station, and probably playing inside your refrigerator.
12. Jackie Chan & Chris Tucker (Rush Hour): Why were they a hit? Because 1998 proved that “understanding the words coming out of my mouth” was optional as long as someone got kicked in the face.
13. Lauryn Hill (Miseducation): Why did Lauryn Hill go to the head of the class? Because she proved that 1998 was ready for hip-hop, soul, and a lesson in “Doo Wop (That Thing).”
14. Saving Private Ryan: Why were the first 20 minutes so quiet? Because Spielberg spent the entire 1998 budget on making us feel like we were actually there, and we were too stunned to eat our popcorn.
15. Cher (Believe): Why did Cher sound like a robot? Because in 1998, she invented Auto-Tune to prove that even after 30 years in the business, she was more futuristic than a Palm Pilot.
16. Adam Sandler (The Wedding Singer): Why did we love the 80s in 1998? Because Sandler proved that a mullet and a Casio keyboard were the keys to Drew Barrymore’s heart.
17. Sex and the City: Why did everyone start drinking Cosmopolitans? Because Carrie Bradshaw convinced 1998 that living in New York on a writer’s salary while buying $500 shoes was totally realistic.
18. The Beastie Boys (Intergalactic): Why were they wearing construction outfits? Because in 1998, you couldn’t save the universe from a giant robot without a high-visibility vest.
19. Madonna (Ray of Light): Why did Madonna start doing yoga? Because in 1998, she traded her “Material Girl” life for techno-beats and a British accent.
20. Blade (Wesley Snipes): Why did vampires start wearing leather trench coats? Because Wesley Snipes made “Daywalking” the coolest thing you could do in 1998 without a permit.
21. NSYNC: Why were they “Tearing up your heart”? Because in 1998, Justin Timberlake’s frosted tips were a weapon of mass distraction.
22. Lindsay Lohan (The Parent Trap): Why did we think there were two of her? Because in 1998, Disney’s special effects were so good we didn’t realize we’d be seeing her in the tabloids for the next 20 years.
23. Will Smith (Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It): Why was Will Smith “na-na-na-na-na-ing” everywhere? Because in 1998, he was the only person allowed to make up words and have them become a global anthem.
24. Dawson’s Creek: Why did teenagers talk like philosophy professors? Because in 1998, James Van Der Beek proved that crying on a dock was a very sophisticated emotional outlet.
25. Shania Twain: Why did “That Don’t Impress Me Much” hurt Brad Pitt’s feelings? Because in 1998, being a movie star wasn’t enough to impress a girl in a leopard-print hood.
26. The Mask of Zorro: Why was Antonio Banderas so sharp? Because in 1998, carving a “Z” into everything was the only way to leave a review before Yelp existed.
27. Brandy & Monica: Why were they fighting over “The Boy”? Because in 1998, a R&B duet was the only legal way to settle a playground crush.
28. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Why was Johnny Depp so confused? Because in 1998, he went to “Bat Country” and forgot that he was supposed to be a serious actor.
29. Ricky Martin (The Cup of Life): Why was everyone “Allez, Allez, Allez”? Because the World Cup proved that 1998 was the year of “Living La Vida Loca” before we even knew the words.
30. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Angel): Why were we so sad? Because in 1998, Buffy had to send her boyfriend to hell, which made our high school breakups look like a walk in the park.
31. Godzilla (1998): Why was the monster so big? Because the marketing budget was larger than the actual plot of the movie.
32. New Radicals: Why did they want us to “Get What You Give”? Because in 1998, they told us to kick Marilyn Manson in the ass and then immediately disappeared forever.
33. There’s Something About Mary: Why did Cameron Diaz have weird hair gel? Because 1998 was the year we learned that some jokes are better left un-explained at the dinner table.
34. Jay-Z (Hard Knock Life): Why was Jay-Z sampling Annie? Because in 1998, he proved that even orphans and rappers can agree that life is tough on the streets.
35. The Waterboy: Why was Bobby Boucher so angry? Because in 1998, “High-quality H2O” was the only thing keeping Adam Sandler from losing his mind.
36. Eddie Murphy (Dr. Dolittle): Why was he talking to a guinea pig? Because in 1998, Eddie Murphy decided that humans were too boring to work with anymore.
37. Spice World (The Movie): Why did it win Razzies? Because the world wasn’t ready for a movie where a bus jumps a bridge while Meat Loaf is driving.
38. Aerosmith: Why did Steven Tyler want to stay awake? Because in 1998, he didn’t want to miss a thing—specifically the massive royalties from the Armageddon soundtrack.