34 Celebrity Jokes: The 2017 “Envelope Gate & Despacito” Edition

In 2017, the world was spinning—mostly because everyone had a fidget spinner in their hand. It was the year we learned that the wrong envelope can change history, that “Despacito” is the only song you’ll hear for six months, and that Wonder Woman was the hero we actually deserved.

The 2017 Top 10: The “Oscars & Gal Gadot” Classics

1. The Oscar Mix-up (Moonlight vs. La La Land): Why was the 2017 Oscars like a magic trick? Because they made an entire movie cast think they won an Academy Award, only to make the statue disappear and reappear in the hands of the Moonlight producers.
2. Fidget Spinners: Why were these the biggest celebrities of 2017? Because they were the only things on Earth with a shorter attention span than the people buying them.
3. Despacito: Why was everyone speaking Spanish in 2017? Because Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee created a song so catchy that even people who didn’t know what “slowly” meant were singing it at the top of their lungs in every grocery store.
4. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot): Why was Gal Gadot the queen of 2017? Because she proved that a lasso of truth and a shield were the only things powerful enough to save the DC Universe from its own reviews.
5. The iPhone X: Why did everyone start staring at their phones even harder? Because Apple removed the home button and told us that our faces were now the only password we’d ever need (unless it was early in the morning).
6. Taylor Swift (Reputation): Why did the “Old Taylor” die in 2017? Because she realized that snakes could be turned into jewelry and that writing a “Look What You Made Me Do” anthem was the best way to handle a feud.
7. IT (Pennywise): Why were we all afraid of red balloons and gutters? Because Bill Skarsgård proved that in 2017, a dancing clown was still the most effective way to make grown adults sleep with the lights on.
8. Kendall Jenner’s Pepsi Ad: Why was 2017 so “peaceful”? Because Kendall Jenner showed us that you can solve all of the world’s complex social problems just by handing a police officer a can of soda.
9. Ed Sheeran (Divide): Why was he everywhere? Because in 2017, you couldn’t go to a wedding, a mall, or a gym without hearing “Shape of You” and wondering how a loop pedal could conquer the planet.
10. The Porgs (The Last Jedi): Why did Star Wars fans have a new obsession? Because in 2017, Disney realized that a screaming, wide-eyed space puffin was the only thing cute enough to distract us from the plot debates.

The Full 2017 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Cardi B (Bodak Yellow): Why were her “red bottoms” bloody? Because in 2017, she arrived to tell the world that she didn’t need a filter, just a hit song and a lot of confidence.
12. Get Out: Why were we all stirring our tea so carefully? Because Jordan Peele taught us that a silver spoon and a teacup were the scariest things in suburbia.
13. Selena Gomez: Why was she the “Queen of Instagram”? Because in 2017, she proved that you could have a kidney transplant and still have the most liked photos on the internet.
14. Spider-Man: Homecoming: Why was Peter Parker so young? Because in 2017, Tom Holland proved that Spider-Man is just a kid who really wants Tony Stark to text him back.
15. Logan: Why was Wolverine so tired? Because in 2017, Hugh Jackman decided that his final performance should involve less spandex and more “get off my lawn” energy.
16. Lady Gaga (Super Bowl): Why did she jump off the roof? Because in 2017, she wanted to prove that the only person who can top a Gaga performance is Gaga falling from the sky in sequins.
17. Riverdale Premiere: Why were Archie and the gang so moody? Because in 2017, the CW decided that a comic book about milkshakes needed more murder and better lighting.
18. Harry Styles (Sign of the Times): Why was he flying over the ocean? Because in 2017, he wanted to make sure everyone knew his solo career was taking off, quite literally.
19. The Handmaid’s Tale: Why were we all wearing red cloaks? Because in 2017, a TV show made us realize that “Blessed be the fruit” was the most chilling greeting of the year.
20. Post Malone (Rockstar): Why was he “feelings like a rockstar”? Because in 2017, face tattoos and auto-tune became the official uniform for everyone dominating the charts.
21. Beauty and the Beast (Live Action): Why was the furniture singing? Because in 2017, Disney realized that Emma Watson and a CGI teapot were a billion-dollar idea.
22. The Fyre Festival: Why were people eating cheese sandwiches in tents? Because in 2017, they learned that an Instagram ad with a supermodel doesn’t always lead to a luxury private island.
23. Stranger Things 2: Why were we all “Bitchin'”? Because Eleven came back with a leather jacket and we realized that Steve Harrington was actually the best babysitter in Hawkins.
24. Thor: Ragnarok: Why was Thor so funny? Because Taika Waititi decided that in 2017, a space god should lose his hair, his hammer, and his dignity for our entertainment.
25. Lorde (Melodrama): Why was she “Green Light”-ing? Because in 2017, she gave us the perfect album for crying at a house party while still wanting to dance.
26. Coco: Why were we all crying over a guitar? Because Pixar proved that in 2017, “Remember Me” was the most effective way to dehydrate an entire theater audience.
27. Justice League: Why was Superman’s lip so weird? Because in 2017, we learned that CGI can remove a mustache, but it can’t hide the fact that the movie had a lot of problems.
28. Migos (Bad and Boujee): Why was everyone “Rain Drop, Drop Top”-ing? Because in 2017, if you didn’t know the next line, you weren’t allowed to enter a party.
29. Call Me By Your Name: Why were we all looking at peaches differently? Because in 2017, Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer made everyone want to move to Italy and be sad in the summer.
30. Camila Cabello (Havana): Why was half of her heart in Havana? Because in 2017, she proved that leaving Fifth Harmony was the best way to get a #1 hit and a catchy trumpet hook.
31. Dunkirk: Why was there no dialogue? Because Christopher Nolan decided that in 2017, the sound of a ticking clock and a plane engine was more important than anyone actually talking.
32. The “Salt Bae” Meme: Why was a Turkish chef sprinkling salt off his elbow? Because in 2017, we decided that seasoning meat was a high-performance art form.
33. Billie Eilish (Don’t Smile at Me): Why was she so quiet? Because in 2017, she was building a massive fan base of people who also didn’t want to smile at anyone.
34. The Year 2017: Why did it end? Because we ran out of fidget spinner bearings and “Despacito” remixes, and we were ready to see what 2018 had to offer.