36 Celebrity Jokes: The 2013 “Wrecking Balls & Ice Castles” Edition

In 2013, the world was divided into two groups: those who couldn’t stop singing “Let It Go” and those who couldn’t stop talking about Miley Cyrus’s foam finger. It was the year of “Selfie” becoming a real word, the birth of a royal heir, and the realization that Pharrell Williams’s hat was actually a sentient being.

The 2013 Top 10: The “Frozen & Foam Fingers” Classics

1. Frozen (Elsa & Anna): Why did every parent in 2013 lose their mind? Because Disney released a movie that turned every living room into an ice kingdom and every 5-year-old into a Broadway star who refused to “Let It Go.”
2. Miley Cyrus (VMAs): Why was 2013 the year of the “Twerk”? Because Miley Cyrus decided that the best way to say goodbye to Hannah Montana was to dance with a foam finger and make the entire world uncomfortable simultaneously.
3. The “Selfie”: Why did the Oxford Dictionary name “Selfie” the word of the year? Because in 2013, we officially decided that taking 400 photos of our own faces was more important than actually looking at the scenery.
4. Pharrell Williams’s Hat: Why was Pharrell’s hat the biggest celebrity at the Grammys? Because it was 10% fashion, 90% mountain, and looked like it was hiding a secret second Pharrell inside.
5. Prince George: Why was a baby the most famous person in 2013? Because the Royal Baby was born, and we all realized that even at one day old, he had better job security and a nicer swaddle than the rest of us.
6. Breaking Bad (The Finale): Why was everyone crying over a chemistry teacher? Because in 2013, Walter White proved that “I am the one who knocks” was the ultimate way to end a career in education and blue minerals.
7. Jennifer Lawrence (The Oscar Trip): Why did Jennifer Lawrence fall at the 2013 Oscars? Because she proved that even if you’re a global superstar, a Dior dress is no match for a flight of stairs and a relatable personality.
8. The Harlem Shake: Why was every office and locker room shaking in 2013? Because Baauer’s song convinced us that standing still for 15 seconds and then wearing a helmet while dancing like a maniac was the peak of comedy.
9. Lorde (Royals): Why did a 16-year-old from New Zealand change music? Because in 2013, she told us that “we’ll never be royals” and suddenly our gold teeth and Grey Goose felt a lot less cool.
10. Grand Theft Auto V: Why did the world disappear in September 2013? Because Rockstar Games released a digital version of Los Angeles and we all decided that stealing virtual cars was more productive than driving real ones.

The Full 2013 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Daft Punk (Get Lucky): Why were they wearing helmets again? Because in 2013, they stayed up all night to “get lucky” and didn’t want anyone to see the dark circles under their robot eyes.
12. The Wolf of Wall Street: Why was Leonardo DiCaprio crawling to his car? Because in 2013, he proved that being a billionaire involves a lot of Quaaludes and some very expensive office furniture.
13. Katy Perry (Roar): Why was she in the jungle? Because in 2013, she decided that “Roar”-ing was the only way to drown out the sound of everyone singing “Let It Go.”
14. Iron Man 3: Why did Tony Stark have so many suits? Because in 2013, he realized that anxiety is easier to handle when you have 42 remote-controlled robots to do the heavy lifting for you.
15. Robin Thicke (Blurred Lines): Why was the world so confused? Because in 2013, this song was everywhere, but nobody could figure out if it was a catchy hit or just a very long legal dispute with Marvin Gaye’s family.
16. Ben Affleck as Batman (The Casting): Why was the internet so angry in 2013? Because we weren’t ready for “Batfleck,” unaware that we’d eventually be okay with it once we saw his sad face eating a donut.
17. Orange Is the New Black: Why was everyone wearing jumpsuits? Because in 2013, Netflix convinced us that prison life involves a lot of drama, a lot of pie, and a very complicated relationship with Piper.
18. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (Can’t Hold Us): Why was everyone jumping? Because in 2013, Macklemore proved that “Thrift Shop” wasn’t a fluke and that ceilings were meant to be broken.
19. Gravity: Why was Sandra Bullock floating? Because in 2013, she proved that being alone in space is 90 minutes of heavy breathing and wondering why she didn’t just stay on Earth.
20. Justin Bieber’s Monkey: Why was a monkey stuck in Germany? Because in 2013, Justin Bieber learned that “international customs” applies to pop stars and their exotic pets.
21. The Great Gatsby: Why was Leonardo DiCaprio raising a glass? Because in 2013, he gave us the ultimate meme for every party we weren’t actually invited to.
22. What Does the Fox Say?: Why was everyone asking about animal noises? Because Ylvis proved that in 2013, a “ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding” was enough to get 100 million views on YouTube.
23. American Hustle: Why was the hair so big? Because in 2013, Christian Bale and Bradley Cooper proved that the 70s were 100% hairspray and 0% oxygen.
24. Beyoncé (The Surprise Album): Why was everyone awake at midnight on a Friday? Because Beyoncé dropped an entire album without a warning, proving she’s the only person who can cancel the world’s sleep schedule.
25. The Conjuring: Why were we clapping in the dark? Because in 2013, we learned that “Hide and Clap” is the worst game to play in a haunted house.
26. One Direction (This Is Us): Why were they in a documentary? Because in 2013, we needed to see that they were just “normal boys” who happened to have millions of fans and perfect hair.
27. 12 Years a Slave: Why was it so quiet in the theater? Because in 2013, Steve McQueen reminded us that some stories are so powerful they don’t need a popcorn-munching soundtrack.
28. Ariana Grande (The Way): Why was she singing so high? Because in 2013, she arrived to tell the world that she had the voice of Mariah Carey and the ponytail of a superhero.
29. Man of Steel: Why was Henry Cavill so serious? Because in 2013, Zack Snyder decided that Superman shouldn’t wear red underwear on the outside and shouldn’t smile until at least the third movie.
30. Drake (Started from the Bottom): Why were we all “here”? Because in 2013, Drake reminded us that even if we started from the suburbs, we could still feel like we made it.
31. We’re the Millers: Why was there “No Ragrets”? Because in 2013, we learned that a fake family and a misspelled tattoo are the keys to a successful drug smuggling operation.
32. Panic! At The Disco (Too Weird to Live…): Why were they in Vegas? Because in 2013, Brendon Urie decided that glitter, synthesizers, and smoking in the dark were the new “Emo.”
33. Despicable Me 2: Why was there a “Happy” song? Because Pharrell Williams wanted to make sure that in 2013, you couldn’t enter a grocery store without wanting to clap your hands along.
34. The Purge: Why was everyone locking their doors? Because in 2013, we learned that one night of crime is a great movie plot but a terrible vacation idea.
35. Kanye West (Yeezus): Why was he a “God”? Because in 2013, Kanye decided that melody was optional but screaming over industrial beats was mandatory.
36. The Year 2013: Why did it end? Because we were all too busy Vine-ing our lives in 6-second loops to notice that 2014 was coming.