37 Celebrity Jokes: The 2000 “Glitter, Gadgets & Gigli” Edition

In the year 2000, we survived the Y2K bug only to realize that our real problems were low-rise jeans and the fact that we were all carrying Nokia 3310s like they were sacred artifacts. It was the year we learned how to vote on an island, how to “Bend It Like Beckham,” and why you should never trust a guy with frosted tips and a tracksuit.

The 2000 Top 10: The “New Century & Reality Check” Classics

1. The Nokia 3310: Why was this the biggest celebrity of 2000? Because it was the only thing on Earth that could survive a nuclear blast, three drops down the stairs, and still have enough battery to play Snake for a week.
2. Eminem (The Real Slim Shady): Why did everyone have bleached hair in 2000? Because Eminem asked the “Real Slim Shady” to stand up, and 5 million suburban teenagers misunderstood the instructions.
3. Survivor (Richard Hatch): Why was a naked guy on an island the most famous person in America? Because in 2000, we realized that watching people starve and betray each other was much more entertaining than actual scripted television.
4. Britney Spears (Oops!… I Did It Again): Why was Britney in a red latex suit on Mars? Because in 2000, NASA’s budget was nothing compared to the costume department of a teen pop star.
5. Tom Hanks (Cast Away): Why did we all cry over a volleyball? Because Tom Hanks proved that in 2000, Wilson was a better co-star than most of the actors in Hollywood.
6. Destiny’s Child (Say My Name): Why were they always changing outfits? Because in 2000, Beyoncé and company knew that if you didn’t look like a futuristic disco ball, you weren’t “Independent” enough.
7. Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston’s Wedding: Why was the security so tight? Because in 2000, their marriage was more protected than the gold in Fort Knox—mostly to keep the paparazzi from stealing Jen’s hair secrets.
8. The Sims: Why were we obsessed with digital people? Because in 2000, it was easier to get a virtual Sim to get a promotion and a mansion than it was to get our dial-up to load a single webpage.
9. Gladiator: Why was Russell Crowe so mad? Because in 2000, “Are you not entertained?” was the only appropriate response to a year that gave us both Gladiator and The Grinch.
10. NSYNC (No Strings Attached): Why did they sell 2.4 million albums in a week? Because in 2000, Justin Timberlake’s ramen-noodle hair was considered a global currency.

The Full 2000 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Jim Carrey (How the Grinch Stole Christmas): Why was he so green? Because after 8 hours in makeup, Jim Carrey realized that being a hermit in a cave was actually a pretty good career goal for the new millennium.
12. Christian Bale (American Psycho): Why did he care so much about business cards? Because in 2000, the thickness of your card was the only way to prove you were a high-functioning sociopath.
13. Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore & Lucy Liu (Charlie’s Angels): Why were they flipping their hair so much? Because in 2000, “Girl Power” meant doing high-kicks in leather while Destiny’s Child sang in the background.
14. Hugh Jackman (X-Men): Why did he have claws? Because in 2000, we realized that Wolverine was the only person who could open those impossible plastic toy packages without a struggle.
15. Faith Hill: Why was she “Breathe”-ing everywhere? Because in 2000, country-pop was the only thing loud enough to drown out the sound of people still complaining about their Y2K survival kits.
16. Ben Stiller (Meet the Parents): Why was he so nervous? Because in 2000, meeting Robert De Niro meant having your heart rate monitored by a lie detector test—and that was just for the first date.
17. Linkin Park (Hybrid Theory): Why was everyone so “In the End”? Because in 2000, we discovered that screaming about our feelings over a turntable beat was the only way to process the new century.
18. Sandra Bullock (Miss Congeniality): Why did she need a makeover? Because in 2000, the only thing more dangerous than a domestic terrorist was a FBI agent who couldn’t walk in heels.
19. The Rock: Why was he asking what he was “Cookin'”? Because in 2000, the eyebrow-raise was the most powerful political statement in America.
20. Nelly (Country Grammar): Why did he have a band-aid on his face? Because in 2000, we all pretended we had a sports injury just to look as cool as a rapper from St. Louis.
21. Tom Cruise (Mission: Impossible 2): Why was there so much slow-motion? Because John Woo decided that 2000 was the year we needed to see every single hair on Tom Cruise’s head fly through the air during a motorcycle jump.
22. Madonna (Music): Why was she a cowgirl? Because in 2000, Madonna decided that “Electro-Folk” and a Stetson hat were the only way to stay ahead of the teens.
23. Scary Movie: Why was it so funny? Because in 2000, we were finally ready to admit that the 90s horror movies we loved were actually pretty ridiculous.
24. Backstreet Boys (Black & Blue): Why were they so sad? Because they realized that *NSYNC was selling more records, and their “I Want It That Way” outfits were starting to feel a bit 1999.
25. Joaquin Phoenix (Gladiator): Why was he the worst? Because in 2000, he made “thumbs down” the most terrifying gesture in the history of Rome and the box office.
26. U2 (Beautiful Day): Why was Bono so happy? Because in 2000, he realized he could officially stay relevant for another 20 years just by wearing blue sunglasses at airports.
27. Almost Famous: Why did we want to be “Band Aids”? Because in 2000, Kate Hudson convinced us that being a groupie in 1973 was a more viable career path than going to college.
28. Sisqó (Thong Song): Why was he obsessed with undergarments? Because in 2000, silver hair and a song about strings were enough to make you the king of MTV for exactly three months.
29. Halle Berry (X-Men): Why was she playing Storm? Because in 2000, she was the only person who could make white hair and a cape look like a high-fashion choice.
30. Harrison Ford (What Lies Beneath): Why was he the bad guy? Because in 2000, the biggest twist in Hollywood was finding out that Indiana Jones could be creepy in a bathtub.
31. OutKast (Ms. Jackson): Why were they apologizing? Because in 2000, André 3000 and Big Boi realized that “forever” is a very long time to be sorry to your girlfriend’s mother.
32. Vin Diesel (Pitch Black): Why did he wear goggles? Because in 2000, his future was so bright he had to see in the dark just to stay humble.
33. Janet Jackson (Doesn’t Really Matter): Why was she in a giant bubble? Because in 2000, the future looked like a music video where everything was made of white plastic and smooth CGI.
34. George W. Bush vs. Al Gore: Why was the election a joke? Because in 2000, we learned that the fate of the free world depended on “hanging chads” and Florida’s inability to use a hole puncher.
35. Wheatus (Teenage Dirtbag): Why was he a dirtbag? Because in 2000, listening to Iron Maiden and liking the girl next door was the ultimate suburban drama.
36. Mel Gibson (What Women Want): Why was he wearing pantyhose? Because in 2000, we thought the only way a man could understand a woman was through an electrical accident in a bathroom.
37. The Millennium Dome: Why was it empty? Because in 2000, we realized that building a giant tent for the future was pointless when the future was just us sitting at home playing The Sims.