35 Celebrity Jokes: The 2002 “Sk8er Bois & Berry Phones” Edition

In 2002, the world was spinning faster than a Kelly Clarkson high note. It was the year we learned that with great power comes great responsibility (and giant spiders), that a “Jenny from the Block” could still own a Bentley, and that we were all willing to humiliate ourselves on national TV for a chance to be the next American Idol.

The 2002 Top 10: The “Idols & Web-Slingers” Classics

1. Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire): Why did Tobey Maguire spend all of 2002 upside down? Because he realized that kissing Kirsten Dunst in the rain was the only way to make people forget he was wearing spandex in public.
2. American Idol (Kelly Clarkson): Why was Kelly Clarkson the biggest star of 2002? Because she proved that if you scream loud enough in a cocktail dress, millions of people will vote for you from their landline phones.
3. Eminem (8 Mile): Why was there vomit on his sweater already? Because in 2002, “Mom’s Spaghetti” became a more famous Italian dish than anything served in Little Italy.
4. Avril Lavigne: Why was she so “Complicated”? Because in 2002, being a “Sk8er Boi” meant wearing three neckties at once while pretending you weren’t a pop star.
5. Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck (Bennifer 1.0): Why was the world obsessed with them? Because in 2002, Ben Affleck in a pink velour tracksuit was the most confusing thing to happen to Boston since the Tea Party.
6. The Osbournes: Why were we watching Ozzy eat breakfast? Because in 2002, hearing a rock legend scream for “SHARON!” was the highest form of intellectual entertainment available.
7. Justin Timberlake (Cry Me a River): Why was it raining in his music video? Because in 2002, Justin realized that the only way to get over Britney was to hire a look-alike and dance in her house while it poured outside.
8. Christina Aguilera (Dirrty): Why was she wearing chaps in a boxing ring? Because in 2002, she wanted to make sure that nobody ever confused her with a “Genie in a Bottle” ever again.
9. The Berry BlackBerry: Why were celebrities staring at blue screens? Because in 2002, having a “CrackBerry” meant you could send an email from a party and feel like a high-powered executive instead of someone just ignoring their friends.
10. Star Wars: Attack of the Clones: Why did Anakin hate sand? Because in 2002, George Lucas decided that “it’s coarse and rough and irritating” was a better pick-up line than anything James Bond ever said.

The Full 2002 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Nelly (Hot in Herre): Why was everyone taking off all their clothes? Because Nelly told them to, and in 2002, we didn’t question a man with a band-aid on his cheek.
12. The Ring: Why did we stop answering the phone? Because Daveigh Chase taught us that if you watch a VHS tape, you have seven days to live—or at least seven days to find a DVD player.
13. Ashanti: Why was she on every single song? Because in 2002, if a rapper didn’t have Ashanti singing the hook, did the song even actually exist?
14. Vin Diesel (xXx): Why was he an extreme spy? Because in 2002, James Bond was too classy, and we needed a guy with a neck tattoo to jump off a bridge for no reason.
15. My Big Fat Greek Wedding: Why was there Windex everywhere? Because Nia Vardalos convinced the entire world that glass cleaner could fix a zit, a bruise, and a broken heart.
16. Nickelback: Why was everyone “Reminding” us? Because in 2002, Chad Kroeger’s hair was the only thing more polarizing than the actual music.
17. Shakira: Why were her hips still not lying? Because in 2002, she moved her body in ways that made the rest of us feel like we were made of cardboard.
18. Pierce Brosnan (Die Another Day): Why was the car invisible? Because in 2002, Bond producers realized they had run out of ideas and decided to just hide the props.
19. Las Ketchup: Why was “The Ketchup Song” a hit? Because in 2002, we were still addicted to nonsensical dances that required zero coordination.
20. Britney Spears (Crossroads): Why was she on a road trip? Because in 2002, she wanted to prove that she wasn’t “a girl, not yet a woman,” but she was definitely a movie star with a great playlist.
21. Halle Berry (Die Another Day): Why was she coming out of the water? Because she wanted to prove that winning an Oscar doesn’t mean you can’t be a Bond girl with a very sharp knife.
22. The Bourne Identity: Why didn’t Matt Damon know who he was? Because in 2002, being a super-spy meant forgetting your name but remembering exactly how to kill someone with a pen.
23. Norah Jones: Why was everyone sleeping? Because in 2002, Come Away with Me was the only album that could calm us down after a decade of grunge and pop.
24. Signs (M. Mel Gibson): Why were the aliens allergic to water? Because in 2002, M. Night Shyamalan proved that even advanced civilizations forget to check the weather forecast for Earth.
25. Vanessa Carlton: Why was she “Making Her Way Downtown”? Because in 2002, a girl playing a piano on a moving flatbed truck was the ultimate vibe for a Tuesday morning.
26. Lord of the Rings (The Two Towers): Why was Gollum so obsessive? Because in 2002, he was the only celebrity who was honest about his relationship with a piece of jewelry.
27. Panic! at the Disco (Pre-fame): Why was 2002 the year of the emo? Because we started realizing that our low-rise jeans were so tight they were starting to hurt our feelings.
28. George Clooney (Solaris): Why was he in space again? Because in 2002, George Clooney’s face was the only thing NASA felt was worth broadcasting to the entire galaxy.
29. Pink: Why did she “Get the Party Started”? Because in 2002, she traded her R&B look for a skateboard and a attitude that made everyone want to dye their hair.
30. Minority Report: Why was Tom Cruise waving his hands at the air? Because in 2002, we thought “touchscreens” were a futuristic miracle that would only be used for solving crimes.
31. The White Stripes: Why only two of them? Because in 2002, Jack and Meg proved that you only need a guitar, some drums, and a lot of red and white clothing to save rock and roll.
32. A Walk to Remember: Why was everyone crying? Because Mandy Moore proved that in 2002, the only thing sadder than a terminal illness was a really nice sweater vest.
33. Harry Potter (Chamber of Secrets): Why was the car flying? Because in 2002, Ron Weasley realized that traffic is for muggles and people who don’t have magic wands.
34. Blue Crush: Why was everyone surfing? Because in 2002, we all believed we could move to Hawaii and live in a shack as long as we had a tan and a surfboard.
35. The Bachelor: Why was one guy dating 25 women? Because in 2002, we decided that “true love” was best found through a series of awkward rose ceremonies and hot tubs.